In the last few weeks the frequency of my lucid dreaming has increased rapidly. I'm pretty much guaranteed to have at least one lucid dream each
night, if not multiple. I've also had a huge increase in wake-initiated lucid dreams. I'm actually getting pretty good at those, to go from
conscious straight to lucidity is almost indescribable. Everything looks black, as usual with the eyes closed, and then a picture slowly appears. It
gets bigger, and bigger, and right before I feel it wrap around my vision I reach out to touch something within the scene. 80% of the time I see my
hand rise within the dream and then it feels like your body is warped into the dream.
On one side I enjoy the experience. It's beautiful. My senses are better and my control can be near absolute. The problem is when I wake up I feel
deeply disturbed by my sensation of this reality. Many of my best or most enjoyable human experiences have been 'paranormal'; obe, sleep paralysis,
lucid dreams, etc. It's weird to think the things I have loved about this world, don't matter to the world.
In my dream last night I was with two friends and entirely lucid. I was actually trying to think of what I should do while I was conscious, when
something hit me. I lost awareness that I was lucid, but I knew that I was lucid a moment ago. I was trying to explain to my friends that this has
never happened. I felt like I was going crazy. I kept thinking "I can't tell the difference between this reality and a dream." The odd thing was
that I became more conscious when I first became confused, normally it's the other way around.
I feel upset or angry with the 'real world' for being so weak. I know that sounds weird but it might be the best way to put it. Sometimes while
I'm lucid I test the limits of my senses and I love it. Vision is clear and can consciously zoom to anything, even the sense of touch has a
wonderful kick to it. And then I come back to this reality and I wonder how real anything I feel is. I've always wondered that, but my increase in
lucidity is making this world seem even more faulty. It angers me to see that this world is more complex and abstract than anyone ever cares to
imagine. I love that it is, but I feel betrayed by others who walk around with their concrete beliefs.
Ignorance is bliss, and part of me is upset to lose that. Over the years these experiences have drastically shifted my life values and beliefs,
mainly anything material or man made. I don't care for clothes, cars, money, any of these things society tells us to want. That change has
distanced me from friends and family and I don't like it. Ha, and it doesn't help that I studied psychology and know way too much about
consciousness. Or rather, how little we actually know about it. I know there are other lucid dreamers here that are older than me (25), and I wanted
to know how you reconciled the abstract distance between the two realities and living in this one. Thanks for reading.
Oh, one last question. As my lucid dreams have increased, my sleep paralysis has almost disappeared. I assume that they may be related but I thought
I should ask if others had noticed this. I used to have SP anywhere from two or three times a week to once a month.
Another big thanks to ATS, seriously, if I didn't have this group of open minded people to discuss and debate with I don't know what I'd do. Thank
you for the constant reminder I'm not alone.
[edit on 15-1-2008 by Parabol]