Love, It just sucks sometimes.

This is the last place I would ever think about going to spill my feelings and ask for a little advice, but sometimes it just feels better talking to people you don't know.

Love isn't a topic I usually discuss, I tend to avoid it because basically love has always stabbed me in the back.

I got out of a long term relationship in July that ended pretty bad, and still the woman comes back to haunt me.

I finally told myself i'm through with women, well you know how that works lol. Now I have fallen madly in love with my best friend of 2 years, I have been in love with her once before and told her that I liked her and this was about a year and a half ago, she told me she liked me to but she didn't know what she wanted but we were both drunk as hell so I didn't know if what she was saying was truth, and plus she had just gotten out of a relationship too, So I finally mustered up the nerves to call her 3 days later and asked her is she meant what she had said the other night and she said 'YES' me heart was beating so fast when I heard her say that, I was in complete bliss for about a week their, so after that I hung out with her that weekend and I finally asked her if anything would ever come of us and she said 'Probably not anytime soon', that crushed me, i had been wanting to be with this girl since the day I met her and finally a year later i muster up the courage to tell her how I feel and she tells me she feels the same way and then tells me 'not right now', so I automatically feel completely rejected, she wouldn't even look at me, I was on the verge of tears so I just said 'alright' and walked out of the room and acted like nothing happend. Then I find out that she slept with another dude who was my best friend and he knew how i felt about her, I was infuriated I didn't know what to do, I was just thinking over and over again did she like him more? Then about 2 weeks after that the guy that she was dating before asked her back out and she said yes.

(1 year later)

Alright well I get a call about a week before thanksgiving this year from her and she wants to hang out, she tells me her boyfriend broke up with her, I tell her how sorry I am and everything, and we immeditately start hanging out, we have hungout everyday since thanks giving except for 2 days, she calls me every morning when she wakes up to come hangout with her, she flirts with me and everything, but I don't know if shes joking around or being serious because she has always done that, well she has stopped calling me now since last thursday, and it's like i'm going through withdrawls here, everytime the phone rings my heart skips a beat but it's not her, so i have been calling her and we still have been hanging out but she has acted alot different, i know she hasn't talked to her boyfriend any and i know she hasn't met another guy, and I so badly want to tell her how I feel again but I don't want the same thing to happen again, I'm so scared to tell her, shes the type of person that would just come out and tell someone she likes them too, that's another thing that has me so bummed, maybe she is waiting on me? I don't know but it is really stressing me out, I'm the one that had to come out and say it last time, but this time the situation is so complex and I'm afraid it would do more harm than good if I just told her, but right now my love for her is eating me alive, I can't get her out of my head, I think about her every minute of the day, and when I lay down at night I wander if she's thinking about me too, but for the past 4 or 5 days it seems like she has just not wanted to hangout or anything, today is the first day i haven't hungout with her or talked to her in 3 weeks, i was going to wait and see if she would call me and she never did, so I called one of my other friends and they were hanging out with her and it really broke my heart, I just want to tell her so bad but if she says no I can't take another heart break.

Does anyone have any advice on this?

[edit on 12/25/2007 by Uniceft17]

You're too absorbed in your own feelings. First, get control of yourself, understand yourself and what you really want. Then tell her how you really feel. Show some guts. Make it matter of fact not wishy washy. Wishy washy won't hold a long term relationship together. Two years isn't long term.

C

I'm sorry, but I think she's playing you. She wants you when she wants you, but when she wants someone else, she wants that too. It's not uncommon for a pretty girl to have several things cooking on the burner all at one time. Keep it on a just friends so you won't be one of the things cooking. You'll get burned! I'm sorry but this is almost classic text book young girl behavior. Don't ask why, because things change so fast with all girls, woman too, one day you think this is what you want, only to wake up the next day and be so confused about everything.

My daughter is having this same behavior right now. Looking for Mr. Right is hard work, especially if you set your standards too high. But always, she has other things on the burner. Side projects as she calls them.

Sorry, but I wouldn't bet my heart on this girl...at least not right now.

i would agree with jen on this one.

if it was meant to be, you would have been together before. She liked several others more than you (making you her 3rd choice - if at all) but doesnt want to ditch you totally because she seems to have relationship probs of her own then rebound back toward you.
You then prop her up by acting all mushy and starrey eyed which builds her confidence and off she goes on her own again.

your her fall guy for those times of lonely breakup desperation. which makes her sound shallow anyway.

jensouth always brings sage advice to the table.

But I'll add my two cents anyway.

I had a number of relationships with girls in my teens and early twenties but they played games. One seemed to intentionally try to screw with my emotions continually, and we were together for 3 years. I found older women to be more stable and not as prone to lead you on, but when you're 18 the parents don't want to see you bringing home someone in their 40's.

You said:

I finally told myself i'm through with women, well you know how that works lol.

I told myself the same thing and I did just that........
I found a man that cares for me and couldn't be happier. He was frustrated with the women in his life and sick of the games as well.
We've spent every minute of every day we possibly could together for the past 18 years, and it works.

Go gay man, pitch for the other team.

reply to post by anxietydisorder


'Pitch for the other team', eh?
Dude, you know I think your aces. I'm hetero. The 'other team' just isn't my cup of tea. Doesn't mean I think you're different, or strange in any way. Your life and your decisions are yours to make.
That being said, I worked in the advertising world for quite awhile, dealing with alot of extremely talented artsy types. Many were also gay. Most I consider friends, but let me tell you, there are a couple who are more catty than any woman I've ever known!

Uniceft17, I think Jen once again gave good advice. The only advice i can give you is to just let things happen. I don't know how else to say it. If it's meant to be, it will happen.
Be yourself, and find someone who accepts you for who you are. Yes. Sometimes you need to do some things you aren't really into. It needs to go the other way as well.
Trying to make something work that just isn't quite right, will more than likely end up scarring your heart. Dude, I've been there and done that a million times.

A woman who plays with your heart while she is looking for what she deems to be something better is never a good thing.

The love of a GOOD woman is a treasure to behold.

Trust me I know of what I speak.