posted on Dec, 24 2007 @ 02:02 PM
So, I set out my front yard Christmas display a week or two ago.
Being the bonehead I am, I decided to do my Christmas shopping in the last day or two. I'm in a panic, and I have my little Dude with me.
"Daddy! I want to put some more lights up!"
"Uuuuugggggghhhhh...... OK Dude........"
So I finish my shoppin' and stuff, and buy more lights.............
I pull into the driveway, and he's already unbuckling himself.
"C'mon Daddy - Let's put up the lights!"
Mind you, I already have enough lights up that the folks who assemble them have put in hours of overtime to manufacture all that I've purchased.
"OK Dude, I need a helper."
OK Daddy, I'm your helper!"
"Awesome Dude! You're the best!"
"No Daddy. You're the best."
OK, I'm kinda misty and stuff.........
So I get the ladder out. Yeah, Sir Edmund Hillary respects me when I climb on my roof.....
So I pull out the new sets of lights.
I start to try and untangle them.
They're wrapped up, and tied with like 4 million twist ties on each thread. Houdini only wishes he could have had thought of such an amazing
challenge to untangle these freakin' things and stuff.
After listening a thousand times:
"C'mon Daddy! Put up the lights."
So I finally manage to untangle the knot of lights from Hades.
I put the ladder up, and start to climb. I have a cast on my right arm, and bandages on my right leg.
Merry Freakin' Christmas.
"C'mon Daddy, let's put those lights up!"
Hmmmmm...... maybe Satanism is an option..........
"I'm workin' on it little Dude."
So I put the hooks along the rooftop, and hang 1 set, 2 sets, 3 sets, 4sets.......
Then I hear across the lawn.......
"What the heck is taking you so long? His cheeks are turning red. Hurry up!"
Oh come on. I don't have another extension cord.
Lord, take me now. I'm ready.
So I manage to get down the ladder, and find an extension cord in the garage.
At this point Jobe is laughing at me.
So I climb back up the ladder, and hook up the cords.
I plug eveything in, and PFFFFTTTTT!
Oh come on.
The circuit breaker just blew..........
Oh come on, please let me wake up from this.......'wonderful' ......dream.
Now I'm wishin' that the Christmas Star was a comet that would land right on me and end he pain....................
I flip the breaker back on.
By now, I can barely walk.
Now I hear...
"The dog just lifted his leg on the tree! Do something!"
I swear I must've been Jack The Ripper in a past life.
I'm taking that darn dog to the local Chinese restaurant to see if they'll watch him for a day or two....
The freakin' lights on the roof are't on. One light goes out, and they all go out.....
That's it. If I ever become president, I'm nuking the North Pole.
"Daddy! I need to pee......"
So I climb down the ladder and see Satan, I mean my wife, sitting there with her hands on her hips with one eyebrow staring at me.
"That looks horrible. Can't you fix those lights? Didn't you hear him telling you he had to pee? You have 2 different colored extension cords.
Everyone is going to make fun of me. You are such a loser"
Merry freakin' Christmas......
Wait! I see why the lights aren't working! There's a broken bulb! I replace it!
I fix it!
"Daddy! Our house looks the best! You're the best daddy!"