On top of the world

Title says it all.

I should be, right ?

Great wife.
Great home.
A job that is a hobby I get
paid to do.
A cat that I think of as my
child.

This is going to sound like
a rant. It isn't.
This is going to sound like
excuses, they aren't.

This is a "How-To" guide to
get everything everyone but
you wants.

Career Navy father.
Rarely home, but was always
a loving Dad.
I've never blamed him for his
choices.

Alcoholic mother.
Always home.
Beat me every day and instilled
a sense of hate into me.
Knew how to make the "heir-apparent"
feel like dirt.

At age 12, I was a coke addict.

At age 16, I was homeless.

No pity, please.
I made the decisions that got me there.

At age 18, I awoke behind a dumpster.
I realised that if I died in that squalor,
my Dad would be crushed.

I enlisted in the Army.
My story of that is told elsewhere, here.

I married in '89. I'm still married.
As said, great wife.

What am I lacking, you may ask ?

Family. Friends.

It's Christmas. And a new year looms.

What harkens, as the bell tolls ?
More of the same.

I'm trying to simplify my life.

Yeah, right.

Where is this post going ?
I've no idea.
I guess I'm rambling.

I guess it's this : Don't wish.
You just might get it.

Regards,
Lex

Lex..true friends,are friends for life.No matter what you are going through, or if you are happy or sad, or if you do something great or you really screw up.A true friend stands by you through it all.
Iam here..I always was..I always will be.
Never ever forget that.

[edit on 22-12-2007 by AccessDenied]

I'm at that point where everything should be finally falling into place.

I'm not sure why I feel so... so... out of place?

Is it cause I'm not use to this?


Still feels like it could dissolve if I were to blink for too long.

Afraid? Maybe.

Path ahead seems to be treacherous if I was to loose myself again.

Maybe its just the fear of being vulnerable?



IDK.

Originally posted by Lysergic

I'm not sure why I feel so... so... out of place?

Is it cause I'm not use to this?

Like a bum, at a champagne brunch ?

I know that feeling.

Still feels like it could dissolve if I were to blink for too long.

Afraid? Maybe.

I'm told it's ok, to be afraid.
I still wake in the night, sweating.

Path ahead seems to be treacherous if I was to loose myself again.

Maybe people like us are never found.
I constantly feel lost, and alone.

Maybe its just the fear of being vulnerable?

Maybe you have nailed it.

Regards,
Lex

reply to post by Lexion


I don't know what goes on in your day to day life Lex, but expect you have more friends than you know. You're a crusty sort, but you have a lot of value to me, even over this crap medium of words on a screen.

I've seen a wee bit of unpleasantness in life, and the memories sometimes suck. But you know, without them, good memories and bad, I wouldn't be who I am today. And despite my many faults, I'm somebody I like. All those unpleasant things helped as much as the good things to shape me. I think it's the same for you.

I remember a thread, seems a long time back now, when you straightened me out on a major error. I could have felt bad, or defensive, but I was grateful, because you made me better. I thanked you and immediately put you on my list of friends. You cared, so I cared.

What I'm saying is, I saw something in your manner that I responded to, and I bet that a lot of people do the same. It may be the paper boy and the guy at the gas station and the nurse at the doctor's office, but we all make impressions on others. You make a good one.

The only time travel that I know is possible, is one direction. We can't alter the past, though it has altered us. But we can alter the future, our own and those around us. I think you do a good job of making the future a better place.

Merry Christmas, my friend.

(Besides, who else would read all of my long winded posts without skimming, except someone who is a pretty good sort?)

Posted by NGC2736

"The only time travel that I know is possible, is one direction. We can't alter the past, though it has altered us. But we can alter the future, our own and those around us. I think you do a good job of making the future a better place. "

That is truly a profound thing you posted.I whole heartedly agree.
Were it not for Lexion, my life would not be what it is today.He gave me strength and courage when I needed it.Made me laugh when I wanted to cry.NEVER EVER LET ME GIVE UP going after what I wanted.Even if it meant coming face to face with 36 years of demons.
Lex..you don't just have friends here...you have family.And I know you understand the true concept of that.
Lex...Despite what you have seen in your life, you have become a great person.Who cares about others in many ways.Who seeks knowledge always,and to enlighten others with that knowledge.Even if at times they find it hard to accept.It's only because you care.You are my friend because of who you are,and because I always want you to be.




Bill Withers - Lean On Me

Sometimes in our lives, we all have pain, we all have sorrow.
But if we are wise, we know that there's always tomorrow.
Lean on me, when you're not strong and I'll be your friend.
I'll help you carry on, for it won't be long 'til I'm gonna need somebody
to lean on.
Please swallow your pride, if have things you need to borrow.
For no one can fill those needs that you won't let show.
You just call on me brother when you need a hand.
We all need somebody to lean on.
I just might have a problem that you'll understand.
We all need somebody to lean on.
Lean on me when you't not strong, and I'll be your friend.
I'll help you carry on, for it won't be long 'til I'm gonna' need
somebody to lean on.
You just call on me brother if you need a friend.
We all need somebody to lean on.
I just might have a problem that you'll understand.
We all need somebody to lean on.
If there is a load you have to bear that you can't carry.
I'm right up the road, I'll share your load if you just call me.
Call me ( if you need a friend)
Call me

[edit on 23-12-2007 by AccessDenied]