posted on Dec, 15 2007 @ 12:54 PM
Oh, ducks, I'm so sorry.
Abuse is abuse. It escalates, and doesn't get better unless the abusive guy takes responsibility for his own actions and feelings.
I don't know about you, but after 18 months of support groups and intensive reading, I look back at the beginning of my relationship with my ex and I
can see that the warnings and red flags were there all along, I just chose to ignore them. For a long time I thought he was a great guy, great
provider, good worker, loyal.
Boy was I wrong. he just hid it well in the beginning. I've learned that major changes in a couple's life can trigger an escalation of abuse that
rarely stops without intervention (i.e., the abused person leaving). It's often pregnancy, or loss of a job, or something else big.
I made excuses for my ex: he's from a different culture. He's unhappy here in America. Somehow I'm doing something wrong and if I just do X he'll
be happy with me again. I should try harder.
All I ended up doing was letting him walk on me. As a friend from Mexico said, there are jerks in all cultures.
If someone is treating you like crap, taking advantage of you, calling you names, I think it's time to really look at your relationship and decide if
it's what you want for yourself. You deserve better. Nobody deserves to be called names and belittled because their significant other is in a bad
Everybody does abusive stuff now and then. but normal, healthy people are contrite afterwards, and will apologize and attempt not to do it any more.
Someone who is invested in abuse doesn't think he's doing anything wrong, will never apologize properly (the best you might get is, I'm sorry your
feelings got hurt, or I'm sorry you didn't understand what I meant). Sad to say, if someone is truly abusive the cycles will just increase in
frequency and get worse and worse.
The cycles of abuse are: honeymoon stage -- he's nice and treats you well, almost the person you fell in love with once; buildup stage -- this is
when you go around walking on eggshells because you know he's going to blow; abuse -- he blows and makes you hurt and then acts like it was your
fault he lost his temper.
Anyway, I've gotten a really good education on this particular subject in the past couple of years, so if you want some links, or to talk about it,