Originally posted by Jovi1
A real man has no need to lie about these things. A real man accepts his poor choices and accepts full responsibility for them.
That has nothing to do with this situation. Whether he has accepted responsibility has nothing to do with how she will react to it.
He can accept responsibility. That's fine. That's the right thing to do to move on. But that doesn't mean she is going to be as forgiving about his
past as he is.
He may go all out and lay it all out for her, but then what if it backfires? Just go with what you said 'there's plenty of women out there' and
that's it? Just deal with it? How do you know how much he likes this girl? What if this is "the girl" to him? Now that's over with because he
can't control how she reacts to his past? And why does she know about his past? Because it's the politically correct thing to do to 'be
Yes, there are some things your 'significant other' or potential significant other should know. If he got an STD or something, yeah, she should
But if it's just some stupid drunken immature decisions that make him look like an ass now that he's more mature, why does she need to know? As long
as he's moved on, why does it matter?
If he is to tell her his past, it'll have to be later rather than right off the bat. He should let her get to know him and how he is now, and be with
her for a little bit, and THEN let her in on his past, assuming he has changed his ways. That way, she can look at the guy she has gotten to know now,
compared to the guy he describes from the past, and she'll know he has truly changed his ways and isn't that guy anymore.
If he does break it to her later on, it needs to be in the joking fashion. Something like him bringing it up as "something stupid" he used to do,
while laughing about it. Nothing all serious, because laughing it off makes it look like he has accepted it as stupid and immature and he can see it
as such now that he's more mature and has grown up and moved past that type of behavior.
But if he tells her early on, and she doesn't like the guy he used to be, she's not going to wait around and find out if he has truly changed his
ways. And if he truly has, then he's out what could have been a good relationship, all because of "honesty".
No - he should wait or not tell her at all, unless it's something serious that could affect her as well.
[edit on 12/6/07 by NovusOrdoMundi]