This will be the last of my posts until it is time.

i wanted to leave you with the song that God has, for the last nine years, been making very clear i need to listen to, as its message, especially the ending, has been important for me to hear. i wanted to share it with you. thanks for being a small part of my journey. i saw the video for the very first time tonight.

Peace!

and always with love


www.youtube.com/watch?v=XdB5x8Jsgpw

[edit on 17-12-2007 by nightelf]

Hey Nightelf!

Thanks for the post. Love the truth in it!

Tonight is a night for a good write. i hope in doing so, everyone can see just another person writing about their life, things they do, and sharing experiences. Yes my lessons have been heavily different (in which i would wish upon no one else), but they are what they are. Why do i have to walk this journey of the good fight without you beside me? Seems nonsensical... And if only in words, it is simply nice to share things.

The night i told you of beginning to take upon myself again the drawing, was an awkward night. And in feeling vulnerable in what was beginning to transpire, i shared it with my Love on the other side of the world. And He told me sweet stories of Michael Angelo. Which brought much peace and acceptance of the process. As i began to draw it became more of a paint by numbers affair, or tracing. The lines were forming on the page. All i had to do was recognize them and trace. Its never happened this way before, which would leave any artist in this type of first time experience feeling a bit humbled. i commented to Him of Angelo, that he was quoted stating the statue already resides in the rock, all he had was chip away. He continued to educate me further, stating for two years he would sit before it and stare. When people asked what it was he was doing, he simply stated "I'm working." And in two years the statue of David came to be. Such a sweet reminder.

The whole process has become something i could never claim as my own. As they are not my lines. How could i take credit for something i was just told of and shown. Pretty good thought too... Very sweet. So, as i told Him, i will follow the lines, begin to be observant and learn to develop what it is that resides in the paper, over time. i found something very intriguing though in the drawing. Very intriguing indeed, and was brought back to memories of my most recent and intense training process, of the first Melchazadik (sorry for spelling. yes i will look it up soon to be fully correct). In the farm house near the river, where locals where unaware of the presence of the house. In the house no television, no telephone, a church pew below a window, one couch on old wooden floors, two chairs on a beautiful used carpet, sitting in front of a fireplace where many nights passed in conversation. The only music being U2, Bruce Springsteen, mixed church music. And the walls lined solely with his art. Every wall, a piece of art, never to be replicated, sold or falling in the hands of any other than family. Memories of his words; so many words. Memories of finding trash along the river bank and mortified at such, gleefully filling trash bags until the bank was clean. But the words; all of the words. And the moment of ecstatic eyes after asking that which i wish to be, and my response "A life coach" in humble acceptance and barely spoken admission. And his eyes flitted with immense joy, and upon my observation of such, it immediately was hidden and his straight face appeared. and i did not understand. it all makes sense now. but it was very curious at the time. And now i think of the one painting in which for hours i was in observance of, and after time find the most amazing story of truth in it. A mountain, one half dark one half glorious in its image of brightness, with a path up the mountains side to the top. A woman's figure, stood small at the bottom, and in her hands resting with arms held high the world sat. After long observation he showed me more. The babies face in it. And the man in deep thought. His head, his arm curved up holding his chin, his neck tie. And all of it tied together. The woman i saw was the neck he saw of the man, and she held the world which was his mind. From Macroscopic to microscopic. It all was there. After such memory, i pondered the lines before me of that evening. i saw the resemblance of progression taking place. After tracing, i am sure it will make sense...

The posts only allow for 4,000 pieces making words. Thus more posts for the journaling.

Wednesday morning the snow flurried like never before. At 6 am we were on the road for my mother in laws 4th surgery in a year. It must have been done now, so that i may completely fulfill the process of her care, as i have done for the past 5 months, in her need and having none other to do so. Early in January i will be moving east, as i have been heavily prompted the last 3 years that it is time. Saying good bye to homeland is not easy. And she reminded in me the past few days, the place i have been for this time period is literally seated above the clouds. Its time to begin to walk in other parts of the world.

i was driving slow with the snow coming down appearing like the introduction of a star trek or star wars movie; lights zooming past you. Before leaving town she and her husband were again arguing in tones that hurt my ears and leave a pit in my stomach. And knowing they listen to me well, i said "Both of you, stop it." And like two children, they both fell silent. Half down the canyon i could feel the tension mounting in that i wasn going fast enough for her liking, though she did not leave us time necessary for a safe drive and maintaining the doctors schedule. i would have no tension emanating towards me, and i pulled over allowing her to drive. We hydroplaned, she fought the pulling of the car through snow, going speeds that rightly would cause such. She values strength, in which i find her beautiful. However i value safety over strength and stubbornness. i asked her to slow down, in which she became fully annoyed. She slowed then speeded again, stating something of having respect for the doctors schedule, in which i replied "my life is more important than her schedule." In which she slowed. Upon arriving to the hospital she stated "You can get out and kiss the ground now". i opened the door prepared to walk away, as knowing all that i have done for her has gone unappreciated, in which no one else would take it upon themselves to do. i was stopped by His father, and normally highly in-cohesive because of years of alcohol abuse, he stated with gentle eyes "No you're not..." and his eyes spoke of kindness and understanding. In which i gladly submitted to and carried forward. And upon doing so she succumbed to a tearful state, in which her apologies spoke of her true regret, in which i felt deep compassion for her very nature. The surgery longer than expected, it being dark outside in consequence, the rain pouring meaning the snow falling heavier up the canyon, i was told that i must drive back in worst conditions. In which to my great relief my brother in law stated he would make the trip, as i have done much for his family and would like to repay such. And i would be able to remain with her for her benefit. In which i was truly grateful at his desire to be so kind and giving when i myself needed it the most. In consequence of his return he stated the highway was in worse conditions than he had ever seen. And i felt overwhelming peace in reaffirmation that i am always taken care of so that my life and its purpose can move forward.

The surgery went well, though long. All the hardware from previous surgeries removed, and bone grafts in place. i slept by her side. Ensured the aides were available in a timely manner upon her needs. Ensured her desires were taken care of. Often trying to help her myself, in which i was told only her needs in comfort of drink and food and blankets and company were necessary for my duties, as they are paid to do all else. It was a relief. And a moments rest for myself from normal obligations. The second night upon closing my chair to upright position, i looked down to the floor beside me and to my surprise saw a book lying next to me. Not a book i had purchased or she had purchased, as i do not purchase things accept for necessity. i hadn't a clue where it came from.

It read on it's cover "Hopiland Christmas". And upon picking it up, it appeared to never have been opened. And upon opening it, the first page that befell me were it's words of:

"To all who have answered a prophet's call to preach the restored gospel of Jesus Christ."

And i burst into laughter. Such deep laughter none others around me would understand. Thank goodness it was only she in the room. I nodded my head in acknowledgment and said thank you. After reading it's summary, it appeared to be a small guide in answer of my most recent question: How to overcome in my positivity the negative nature of others, as it is imperative to do so. And while i am incapable of simply giving myself, my very soul to another as of yet, so that they may have it for a loan in order to neutralize, how else may i move peaceably forward for all the right reasons? He's built the ability of strength in words and forthrightness, in which truth to a Vulcan is understood as enlightenment! However to humans, it seems to be the least acceptable format of Love. lol.
Indeed once read, more understood...

Amidst conversations and food and the curling up in a chair, in which i was reminded most would not fit, something more was said in which i found another speaking to my heart in the truth of the matter. She told me of the most recent book she finished and the owl people, in which one boy was chosen to speak for 7 nations. And he was not filled with greed of any type (in which i smiled largely). She seemed quite impressed and joyful for the book. And another memory befell me, in which i did not speak, though only will journal. But it seemed another memory for emphasis. The night before beginning my second stage of intense training and testing by the 2nd melchazadik...
before his arrival, i remember speaking with the sweetest of men days before and stating "i wish i could just lay in a field!" And he replied, "I did. I went out to my field and for hours was there, and i cried, and i let go, and got up to continue forward." So, i gathered myself in the dark, and walked to the field in my long jean skirt and knee high boots. And i laid in the dirt, across the rows, in the field with new buds growing. And i just laid there. It was the same field that i crossed weeks before, recognizing the very nature of the trials in which the darkest of ones (Satan... can i please change his Name? It just isn't suitable! He really is not that mean. Just heavily misunderstood and in alooooot of pain. ) was giving to me for purpose and to see negativity rise from me. And during the crossing of that field i spoke to him, with all the love of my heart. And i felt him beside me. And i told him clearly, there was nothing he could do to me that would ever cause me to bow. That i loved him. And some day i would heal him. And in that very field as i lay, looking up to the sky in the darkness and speaking to God, He allowed me my time with that field. And i could not leave until i was ready.
And so i laid. Happy among the dirt that brought forth much fruit to feed everyone.
And before i was through, an owl flew above me. It circled with wings spanned wide. And once done circling flew away. Moments later, i was ready. And once again i crossed field, and upon my first step upon my driveway, the second Melchazadik turned into my drive (literally) as if waiting for my time to be through, and ready for the receiving of me...

We are home now. Mom has made an excellent choice in forgoing a party in order for her healing, and a drive up the canyon on a beautiful day, instead of waiting after the party when a storm is scheduled. The pipes are frozen, and he's drinking again... but all is still well!

As for the sweet aid in the hospital whom an immediate connection was made. She is a menonite, and while different than i, we both are on the same page, as the spirit testified of such. She hugged me good bye, and said "maybe we'll see each other at another point in life!"

Hi Michaelsannie

I was reading and saw you wanted to be a Life Coach. That sounds like a very nice thing to do.
I was curious about your training process with Melchezedek. It sounds like you are speaking to him and seeing him. Could you tell me more about your interactions with him. Is he here now walking on the earth as one of us.


Peace

Good Morning Nightelf (gentle smile)

How are you this day?

The Melchezedeks:

In scriptures it states there were 3 prophets at the time of Michael's first walking that chose (after His tasks had been fulfilled) to continue walking the earth to teach until His second coming.

There needs to be clarification on the information of the Melchezedeks. They are all male. There is more than one, and none of them are the Michael. Simply teachers and prepares. And yes, i know for surety at minimum two are here in flesh, walking the earth as humans do.

i no no better way to explain him to you than to open up and tell you of the training process, in which i will explain just the first today because of the constraints of time.
There is snow to boil for water! hahaha!

Now in stating this, it almost must be understood, the world we live, His world our world, is very much three fold as the person speaking of Quantum physics easily laid out. (Thank You! ) Right down to the elements of creation, in its whole reside the negative, positive and neutral. In this understanding, it must be viewed that any situation we experience is developed in the same manner, in which you choose the positive or negative. It is why it is our choosing grown and will determine our next eternal progressional stage. The more positive chosen the more we rise to the levels of highest attainment, or Heaven.

Women of this generation have become highly obstinent, self serving, too independent for the good of their own nature. But of course this is for purpose. i at the time of his coming, was one of these women, because years of previous instruction that did not afford me any other knowledge. And in His perfect timing and against my will, my own way of life was taking from me for my learning. For 7 years i raised a child alone, in which his father lied to me in the beginning stating he could not have children. What a wonderful gift as my child was born! For those 7 years i was self sufficient, and was a woman of the world in order to be of support to my child. i was always right. i was not willing to be bending enough to another as they could not do what i was capable of doing for myself with Gods help.

One day a problem arose in which i would not be handle on my own. And in consequence i was seeking solutions in which would allow the maintaining of my child and myself. i had taken upon myself a second job weeks prior. Through that job i was introduced to a man in need, as he can not walk or move, and required the aid of another in order for his sustaining. We both came to the conclusion it was indeed heaven sent in that i could take care of him while living in his home, and my son would be taken care of as well. i moved in.

During this time period i was standing at the sink in the kitchen one day, doing something. And i heard behind me someone come in through the door way. i heard the slowed footsteps crossing the kitchen, and once able to turn around and see who it was, i did. An older man very tall with grey hair stood before me with wide eyes, and was slow to speak. i smiled and said hello. He began a conversation in which i felt like he was searching for words, for information, i felt a soft inquisitive energy of pulling from me, all the while he was very intent in observation of my actions, my movement, my responses as if he were filling himself with my information for his understanding.

i went about my tasks. and closed the door to the bedroom in which my friend lay. upon his cares and back in bed i began to clip his toe nails and the door opened. The grey haired man stood in its enterance, again in observation only with a book in hand.
And once i noticed his observation and met him with my eyes, i then looked down again resuming what i was doing, and he began to read to us from this book. It was an intriguing book though i can not recall the details of the passage. He then began a discussion between us all regarding the passage.

And in a moments pause, he looked again at me and then added a very deep question, which would require a thoughtful response. As i answered according to what my heart was stating, he listened again with the gentle pulling feeling of information from me. Shortly after he left our presence with it seemed a deep contemplation in his thought.

The weeks passed and things were as well as i believed them to be. Though i noticed a feeling of unknowing occurring within the household, and i did not understand. But it was there in which i could not deny. Over the weeks the grey haired gentleman came and went often. With much talk and interaction, as if pulling for more information. Yet he made it comfortable and a friendship was being built. After familiarity was developed, he began with harder questions. "Why are you doing this? Why are you here?" and i responded "if i can help him, even in eternal progression, i will." A day came where in the football game was playing, and as they watched i cleaned. i organized the pantry to perfection, and scrubbed the floor to perfection. And while almost complete, i felt him standing behind me again in observation. Upon turning around i saw his serious face, now with goatee and mustache in which was darling. And he stated "you are scrubbing it as if it is an art project." In which i had no real response as i was doing what was natural. And just looked at him in a half smile.

After these moments everything rapidly began to change. The feeling of unknown had acutely increased, and my soul felt completely off balanced. And in response it seemed he came nightly almost for quiet protection and to add an element peace within the home. My friends daughter whom lived in the home was becoming volatile, and her energy sent me sorrowing through darkness. A night came where in i needed peace, in which he fully recognized was necessary. And i realize now he was beginning a transitional phase. He pulled out a pipe, looked at our friend, and said "Would you like some?". Our friend looked at me first as if in question if i would be okay with such. And then looked back and said "Yeah." And the grey haired man held it, and the smoke rolled. And i watched in curious, innocent observation. And after some time, the grey haired man looked at me and said "Would you like too?" as if offering a gift. And i timidly shook my head yes. He came to me and kneeled before me, instructed me how and patiently waited as i did. All the while observing and watching now for my well being.

After ten minutes, i lay on the couch in such peace. All the while knowing he was watching and observing, and this time i knew he was watching over me. It was the feeling that was displaced from him. And i stated "Wow. This feels like what it takes in an hour meditation to accomplish." He looked down to the ground in thought, and then again at me, and said "Yes. But it is only a substitute. the real way is the better way."
Almost as a reminder that it was needed for now to calm me (and now i see to help me through the next four days). And the evening passed in peace before the storm.

The morning came, and there was no need to arise early as normal, for my son was with his dad as it was his weekend. The day came and went, and that evening i lay in my bed pondering beautiful things. My door was cracked open, just in case i needed to hear the friend, and being at the end of the hall there was no need for any passer by to be near. As many women do, though never speak aloud because of the shame within it that society has determined rightful (which is insane) my imagination lead to me making love in heaven with my one. And it was beautiful. And i played as women do. And during my playing and my imagination, just as i was letting go i looked to my door almost as if commanded to, and saw him standing in my doorway in observation. And once he knew i noticed his outline and was aware of his presence, he turned away and paced down the hall.

What a creepy story!

Who is this tall grey-haired man supposed to be? He sounds like a stalker or something!

Is he supposed to be some sort of ghost or angel or something?

And in laying there after his departure, i felt the need to be close to him for his comfort.
And i walked the hall way to his make shift bed in the living room. And i stood beside him as he lay in his bed. And i asked to crawl under the covers. And he pulled them back for me. And i crawled inside and wrapped up in his arms. And that night we made love for the first time. And someone came into the kitchen as we made love, though it did not hinder the natural progression between woman and man.

The next morning he left. In the afternoon he returned and we sat on the front porch step talking. And he gently broke the news as to what was occurring in the household that i did not know. "His daughter is doing Meth in her room." The very room that was footsteps away from mine, and in mine is where my child slept. My child was the only thought in which i was filled with sorrow for his well being, as i had spent my most recent life protecting and taking care of him. And now a situation completely beyond my control, was placing him in harms way. It took three days to sink in. And on the third day i made the choice in which was beyond difficult, to allow him, my son, to be taken care of by his father, as my efforts in all ways had gone for the maintaining of the home we were in, and was in no position to remove ourselves.

In retrospect it is perfect. As it is according to Gods will, a mans rightful place is to be the provider and protector of the family. It was time for his fathers benefit to begin acting in accordance of such, while my own process of understanding was heavily unfolding at a time when i was most capable, built up for receiving and ready to understand.

i made the arrangements for my son. i packed all of which i owned that during this entire process, little was left (as is perfect for easy movability), i delivered my son to his father, and when i was ready my grey haired friend took me away. He kept me sedated for the first two weeks. And in the beginning of this was during the drive, in which upon entering the freeway the last words i remember of him speaking were "I have my psychology degree from Harvard and my masters in art from BYU."

Upon arrival of my new home was all of which i explained in a previous post. All of our environment was based upon simplicity. And the full training began.

i realize there are enough experiences during this process that in one day i might not write them well and according to how they should be. In which i will choose to write them over many days. For now and for today, i believe this will suffice.

Thank you!

and i love everyone...

Any questions before i continue?:

The one i might anticipate is why he would keep me sedated for that length of time. This question would be very understandable.

Please understand he did this for my benefit. i have been a highly sensitive individual even from childhood (as is designed, for sensitivity allows for perception.) And in being brought to my rightful path by God himself, He needed the giving up process of what i had accepted as my obligations to be easier, in that less would be made to overcome, as having to give your child away, even to his father, is not an easy task. This time period allowed the process to solidify without heavy consequence to myself, so the remainder of the process would be most beneficial.




kay... going to boil snow! hahaha!

Love always

Kay... not to bed yet... almost midnight...

Ready for the next song?

Now this one... please please please listen to it at least three times with your eyes closed.
Get the message before the pictures distracts you! lol...

Kay, tomorrow is rest day. Need a break from todays work. tomorrow is drawing...

Be Well!
love always

www.youtube.com/watch?v=F-3brRCRsA8

i wasn't going to post today, but it has been a cry day with so many thoughts that i believe it is necessary.

i have had this question moving in my head for sometime, partially moved by the spirit and partially moved by my own question. i think about what Michael has told me often,
and what it is i was asked to write my Love on the other side of the world, as if challenged in open and sincere discussion between all of us, with me right in the middle, or rather standing in the middle with Michael right be side me waiting for his sincere response.

These are only parts of the letter:

"before you coming into my life he very clearly told me, rather Michael told me that there was no man on earth good enough for me. No man that could match my heart. That i belonged to another creation and would truly be happy with my own people. And that i am here for a short period to fulfill my obligations. And if i was not ready for that, i could come home. But that he also understood if i wished to find my eternal mate on earth, he would be acceptant of such. He is leaving it up to me..."

and

"I was not even going to send this, but god is putting a frikin vision thingy right infront of me for the last ten minutes that will not go away, and once i asked what it meant and opened up to understanding it, it means that the message isnt complete and needs to be sent. its still there too as i am typing. i hope it goes away once it is sent, because i can't see clearly because of it. i am having a difficult time even typing. but it is in the form of a circle, like symbols you would find for internet communication, and the circle isn't complete. and it is still not subsiding...

the question he has been asking of me to ask of you for sometime, is are willing to accept this portion of me. He states that we will have a normal life, with children, family and each other, but that i have other obligations as well. And out of your love and desire to have me, are you willing to accept the responsibilities of the man that would be required to accept such responsibilities regarding the nature of who i am...

and now the little vision thingy is straightening out and dissipating a bit... funny how that works... yep almost completely straight, only now it looks like wavy lights like the aurora borialis. Watch, once i send it, it will be gone."

and it cleared within 2 full minutes of being sent.

The response i received was:
"Yes, without hesitation or doubt, I accept completely everything that you are and are to become. I Love you unconditionally!!!"

And yet, i look at the situation i have been placed in by my Love, to be in the middle of such insane behavior, baring its burden and recognize after 5 months there is very little left in me literally. It is as if i have been drained and utterly weakend. And he tells me to hold on a bit longer. i must admit he was not fully aware of the situation, though knew much more than i. And he is to move in weeks, however i am a bit skeptical, as would be a normal reaction. If this was his decision originally, what would lead me to believe the next situation whom he has had very little daily living experience with, will be better? He does not know for certainty. And i see is that because of his desire to have me, he will do anything to keep me, even if it is at my detriment?

Michael has been very quite regarding this as He will not speak of any type of doubt. He simply remains quiet, and as i come to Him he is always there. And yet, He is not here yet on this earth before me. And He understands my need of physical presence and comfort, and i do believe it is why He left the choice to me in to stay or come home when i am ready. today in spirit i buried my head in his chest and said "i can't do this"and in spirit He wrapped His arms around me in comfort and calmed me, and thanked me for coming to him in such a way, and again softly reiterated all that He had told me before my Loves re-entering my life.

i wasn't going to post today, but it has been a cry day with so many thoughts that i believe it is necessary.

i have had this question moving in my head for sometime, partially moved by the spirit and partially moved by my own question. i think about what Michael has told me often,
and what it is i was asked to write my Love on the other side of the world, as if challenged in open and sincere discussion between all of us, with me right in the middle, or rather standing in the middle with Michael right be side me waiting for his sincere response.

These are only parts of the letter:

"before you coming into my life he very clearly told me, rather Michael told me that there was no man on earth good enough for me. No man that could match my heart. That i belonged to another creation and would truly be happy with my own people. And that i am here for a short period to fulfill my obligations. And if i was not ready for that, i could come home. But that he also understood if i wished to find my eternal mate on earth, he would be acceptant of such. He is leaving it up to me..."

and

"I was not even going to send this, but god is putting a frikin vision thingy right infront of me for the last ten minutes that will not go away, and once i asked what it meant and opened up to understanding it, it means that the message isnt complete and needs to be sent. its still there too as i am typing. i hope it goes away once it is sent, because i can't see clearly because of it. i am having a difficult time even typing. but it is in the form of a circle, like symbols you would find for internet communication, and the circle isn't complete. and it is still not subsiding...

the question he has been asking of me to ask of you for sometime, is are willing to accept this portion of me. He states that we will have a normal life, with children, family and each other, but that i have other obligations as well. And out of your love and desire to have me, are you willing to accept the responsibilities of the man that would be required to accept such responsibilities regarding the nature of who i am...

and now the little vision thingy is straightening out and dissipating a bit... funny how that works... yep almost completely straight, only now it looks like wavy lights like the aurora borialis. Watch, once i send it, it will be gone."

and it cleared within 2 full minutes of being sent.

The response i received was:
"Yes, without hesitation or doubt, I accept completely everything that you are and are to become. I Love you unconditionally!!!"

And yet, i look at the situation i have been placed in by my Love, to be in the middle of such insane behavior, baring its burden and recognize after 5 months there is very little left in me literally. It is as if i have been drained and utterly weakend. And he tells me to hold on a bit longer. i must admit he was not fully aware of the situation, though knew much more than i. And he is to move in weeks, however i am a bit skeptical, as would be a normal reaction. If this was his decision originally, what would lead me to believe the next situation whom he has had very little daily living experience with, will be better? He does not know for certainty. And i see is that because of his desire to have me, he will do anything to keep me, even if it is at my detriment?

Michael has been very quite regarding this as He will not speak of any type of doubt. He simply remains quiet, and as i come to Him he is always there. And yet, He is not here yet on this earth before me. And He understands my need of physical presence and comfort, and i do believe it is why He left the choice to me in to stay or come home when i am ready. today in spirit i buried my head in his chest and said "i can't do this"and in spirit He wrapped His arms around me in comfort and calmed me, and thanked me for coming to him in such a way, and again softly reiterated all that He had told me before my Loves re-entering my life.

Again, i do not want to believe Him. He knows and is patient.

i can go to back east or further west, in which west is completely unknown and i will be only safe for 3 months before i must rely on my own capabilities, in which has been taken from me for purpose in which i have yet to be able to overcome because He doesn't want me too. It is that apparent. Or i could go east and brave the unknown and hope and pray to God that He is worthy...

i don't know which is right... and i'm scared.

any suggestions i would be truly grateful for and in deep apreciation.

Thank you

love always