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Spirtual Healing in Relationships?

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posted on Feb, 3 2004 @ 07:43 PM
After having lurked around other ATS boards for a bit, some personal issues have lead me to some spiritual questions in my life that I was hoping some one might be able to answer or at least point me in the right direction on.

To make a long story, short, I was engaged to a lovely girl, we had been dating exclusively for six years prior to being engaged. There were some very real communication problems in our relationship which led to us breaking up. A year has passed since the breakup and as we have kept in touch, our communication has improved, but our conversations, even about day-to-day things can turn into very draining experiences.

Some more background and why I'm wondering if something more might be involved. I can't say I've been into spirtuality all that much, was raised as Catholic but haven't identified with it for as long as I can remember. When I was in my early teens, 13-17, I had a number of very strange dreams.

These dreams all had the same setting and flow. They took place at a Victorian style home, with people in period dress, with a type of party going on. Everything was quite detailed, almost like I had exceptional vision, as I could make out individual fibers on people's clothing but the odd part was, that the air had a smoky/yellowish haze to it. I didn't recognize any of these people in the house, but at some point in wandering through the crowd my attention drawn to one single person. At that point, this person and I began to converse, although what we talked about I can't remember.

After waking up from these dreams, I "knew" that this wasn't an ordinary dream and that somehow the person in my dream would be important to my life. I've had a total of four dreams like this so far and to date I've met three of the people from those dreams. Two of whom are my best friends and the other being my ex.

I didn't meet them immediately after having these dreams, actually some time usually passed, anywhere from two to five years.

Ok, cut to about 4 months ago. At a party, as entertainment there was a psychic who did a tarot reading for all the guests. In my reading she picked out the physical aspects of my ex and nailed her personality traits dead on, even some details about her favorite holiday and why it was important to my ex. The psychic also said that a lot of the problems she and I were experiencing were things we were replaying from a past life, and that we have a spirit guide in common. All of which is well and good, but it is me, and I know very little about this type of thing.

Which is where my questions come in...bear with me, I know this is a long post.

1) When she and I talk, even starting talking about little things, for instance maybe the weather, or talking about a tv show we both saw, things can just get really draining emtionally for us both. I've read a little about psychic vampires and was wondering if there was a way to determine if either or both of us was acting as one, or if perhaps someone else was feeding on us?

2) Obviously after the break-up there was emotional pain but for some reason, I felt a much deeper pain, almost as if I could feel it in my soul. I'm just wondering is there any type of healing for this? or perhaps is this the cause of the draining feeling we both get? Ideally, if this is the case I hope to find some type of healing that will benefit us both.

3) Assuming the psychic is correct and she and I are reliving experiences from a past life, what's the best way to break the mold as it were?

Thanks in advance for any insight that anyone can provide. Although it would be nice, I'm not expecting direct answer to my questions. Anything from additional reading to someone saying that's normal is appreciated. And just for clarification, yes, I do love her but no I'm not doing this to "win her back", (at least not consciously) I'm just trying improve the time we do share now as friends, so its something enjoyable and not something that wears us down.

posted on Mar, 11 2004 @ 04:20 PM
In case anyone was interested in an update, I figured I post and let them know it is possible to heal a bond between people. After a while of searching, I found a spiritual healer who was willing to work with me on these issues. In total we spent about two hours working through everything, including removing the negative energies.

In short, the abuse and pain my ex experienced as a child, was projected on to me by her. For whatever reason, my soul agreed to take this on so she would not to have carry the burden. Unfortunately, this also meant that if we spent too long together, she began to see me as being her abusive mother or father, rather than being her partner.

Throughout the entire process I was conscious, although in semi-meditative state. Even though most of the time my eyes were closed, at one point I could "see", a shadowyness rise off of my body, actually on my legs.

Overall it was a calming experience, I had expected spirtual work to be something more complicated but it was actually quite simple, although that may been aided by the healer I was with. The strangest thing that happened was that when it was all over, my legs physically felt lighter.

Although I have not scheduled another appointment yet, the healer did say that were past life issues affecting the two of us. I'm not sure how much stock I put in past lives yet but the first session went really well and am going to give it a try. It worked well enough that I slept for nearly 10 hours straight afterwards, where I had been running on about 5 hours of sleep per night for about the past year.

posted on Mar, 11 2004 @ 04:35 PM
Not to be mean, but that's quite a Savior/Martyr complex you have there.
Do you really think it's helping for you to take her pain while her core issues remain unresolved? Until she confronts what's going on and deals with it on her own, you're doomed to be her emotional dumpster. Eventually this will negatively affect your health (mental, physical AND emotional), as by your own admission, you're holding on to what she sends you. Not good.

While past-life connections can be strong indeed, I think the two of you need to focus on the here-and-now and problems in this life before looking elsewhere.

IMHO, of course.

posted on Mar, 12 2004 @ 05:14 PM
Hecate, thanks for replying. I totally agree with the savior/martyr complex. I didn't even realize that I had assumed that role and I its not like I said, "Oh hun, the pain and trauma you experienced as a child, send it my way, I don't have much else going on right now." so...I really had no idea that was a problem until I went. And thankfully, I'm not holding on to that anymore
I thought I mentioned that while in the session we worked on that aspect of things and that was where the blackness that I saw lifted off me as it were.

We'll see about the past lives dilemma, I know next to nothing about past lives or the implications of those experiences on the present. And your advice/concern is appreciated, just realize that I'm not using past lives or spirituality as an excuse not to work on the practical things in this life ;D

The here and now problems we've been working on for a while. Our breakup happened partly so we could work on what we needed to individually. My goal throughout this time has been and is to improve every aspect of myself and the bond she and I share. Admittedly, I'm a total novice with spirituality, and given my goals, this forum seemed like a good place to pose the questions that I had and share what happened. Who knows, someone else may find themselves in a similar situation one day and it may benefit them in some way.

posted on Mar, 12 2004 @ 05:50 PM
here a few answers to your questions absed on my experience with a similar situation (possible psi vampire)

1) Is the feeling of emotional draining consistent with the topic beind sicussed, that is, do you always feel tired when talking about say... movies or whatever? or is it more like with every single topic you discuss?

if it is only related to certain topics, then these are psychological issues that have been dormant and unresolved in both of your psyches.

if it is spontaneous and happens with any given topic, someone is playing the vampire role. It can't be the two of you because the way it works is someone has to be negative in order to drain the positive. The negative charges cannot attract another negative charge. Basic electodynamics, there, which still apply to the natural order of things. try to recall any changes in her pupils or discreet body movements that may demonstrate a vampiritic nature. make comparisons between her and your friends and you will come to a conclusion.

2) You attempt at healing at the spiritual level was a very wise idea. You probably felt that way because your subconscious became so interdependent on her after being in her presence for so long. The pain will eventually pass if it hasnt already, though it may take some major influences not limited to sociological changes.

3) the best way, just as if you werent so-called soul mates, is to find a more compatible companion. Women outnumber men as the population ratio is 52% to 48%. good luck with that, as that is your best solution to filling such a void.

posted on Mar, 12 2004 @ 05:53 PM
Ok, I'm glad you separated yourself from that type of behavior. It's a noble impulse to want to help someone, but unless you are able to release any negativity you draw out, it will fester inside of you and manifest in unpleasant ways. My husband has the same problem with grounding/release when it comes to healing, so I have some experience in dealing with this. As my Reiki teacher said: if there is no letting go, no healing can take place.

I understand that you weren't aware of your savior/martyr tendency. Now that you know it's there, I recommend staying on the alert for it. Sounds like you're an empath, too, so it might be a good idea for you to learn control when it comes to merging with another's emotions. It's impossible to help someone (or yourself) when their feelings are indistinguishable from your own, and in my experience this can do a LOT of damage to a relationship.

It's quite positive that you're working on your own issues, and I commend you for that.
The best and strongest relationships are those forged between two complete individuals. Best of luck on your endeavors!

posted on Mar, 13 2004 @ 04:21 PM
AlnilamOmega, thanks for the respones, what you said made perfect sense about a possible psychic vampirism going on. Oddly enough, after my initial post, that draining feeling stopped happening when we talked. So my best guess has been that it was some unresolved psychological issue that worked out somehow.

I would check her body language against my friends for comparison, just to be sure that it wasn't her, but since she moved 900 miles away, makes it kind of difficult. ^_^ I finally got over the pain last November, after telling myself I was over it for about three months before that.

Finding someone to date that I'm compatible with or attracted to isn't a problem either. I dated a lot before she and I met and its not as if I am lonely as a person, but more like lonely for her companionship, if that makes sense. It's like a feeling of completeness that is present when we're together. She doesn't feel it with her current boyfriend and the women I've dated since, while they're great on their own, just don't cut it in comparison. Its not a situation where neither of us is giving someone new a chance or appreciating them for who they are either. We try to remind ourselves of that so that we aware of it.

It's just strange, in her words, she moved away to get away from me. Yet since she left, nearly a year ago, we talk on the phone for 3-4 hours at a time, sometimes 5 days a week. And by her own admission, she's not sure why times passes the way it does when we're together. For us, four hours of talking together feels like very little time has passed.

Overall, the situation is odd, no one I know understands it, she and I are in the middle of it and we don't understand it ourselves! The closest thing that either of us have been able to describe it as, cariung for and treating someone as if you were in love with them, but not being in love with them. We still support each other, encourage each other to grow and be the best, but yet she's living with her current boyfriend and I'm dating other girls. Yet another reason I'm looking into the past lives issue, to see how or if it relates at all!

posted on Mar, 14 2004 @ 05:29 AM
OUCH. 900 miles away huh? "to get away from you" ? you're right... this is a situation that has more than meets the eye.

call me overparanoid, but I have been suspecting a covert program headed by the NSA or another internal security agency based on NSA research that features romantic handling. Since I presume you are young, meaning impressible and malleable in terms of manipulation, and based on what you are telling me (ie, the draining stopped shortly after the post DESPITE the fact she moved long before you said anything), this is making me think this girl had a mission for you.

dont take my word for it. I am not casting judgment nor am I saying "THIS IS TRUE , BELIEVE IT" because I don't know that this applies in your case. all I am suggesting is that you be more observant of her patterns... for instance:

does she bait you? as in, in those conversations, does she say things like "Oh i miss you so much. I wish you were here right now... BUT... I live in XXX which is like SO far away from you. *sigh*."

or maybe she has had some affiliations, direct or indirect with the NSA or military? Any family or friends of hers in any such groups?

consider WHY you could be apotential target. Are there things you know or have access over that would make some ppl jealous?" Do you have psychic talents or maybe does anyone in your family have any special traits like that?

I find it hard to believe that she genuinely loves you if a) she moved away blaming the reason on you and b) she lives with her boyfriend. This is why I am suspecting such a background. The long phone conversations are the only current counter to this argument, as you know as well as I that those conversations are filled with euphoric emotions probably based on love.

Good for you that you are not deterred by finding another relationship! NEver think that you can't find someone like her because you WILL and chances are the new girlfriend will be better. good job on getting over the pain. The next step is to isolate this mystery by taking it step by step and you will automatically overcome whatever dependencies you have for her (and you phone company will hate you for this

posted on Mar, 14 2004 @ 08:30 AM
Just another thought. You might want to stop talking to her overall. It seems to me that you two are hanging on to something that isn't there anymore, but both seem to want that something to come back again. It's not a psychic connection nor a past lives connection, it's just your refusal to move on and let go. although I do believe in psychic and past lives connection, you can't let that hinder your life. you and your soul are not taking on the burden of your ex, althought it might seem as if, letting go all together will fix what is broken. Unless you do so, you're going to continue to feel some form of stress. Now don't get me wrong, I believe it only takes the very strong that are given the tasks of severe heartbreak, but by constantly trying to form a connection and saving any feeling that's left, will just make the task harder on yourself. This is just my opinion, you can either disregard what I say, or take it to heart. Just know that I've been through the same thing you have before.

posted on Mar, 14 2004 @ 10:11 AM
Do remember that communication is much more than words. The words used, although they can cause many aproblem, are ony a tiny part of the over all communicated message. The tone and way in which something is said carries more weight than the words, and the nonverbal language given carries the most weight in a conversation.
My suggestion would be to start e-mailing or writting letters on an almost daily basis and see what unfolds. This writting will eleviate any problems in the other areas and allow you both to focus on the words alone - threfore the meaning that you intend. It it turns out that these notes and letters make a great difference, U2U me and I'll help you with the other areas.
Blessed be~

posted on Mar, 14 2004 @ 02:13 PM
AlnilamOmega, you are being way too paranoid my friend. Although we've both had parents in the military and one of her parents is an engineer at a large military contractor, neither of us is exceptional in anyway partcularily. For going on 7+ years, we've both been estranged from our parents who were in the military because of physical and emotional abuse. For the most part we're average 20 somethings, struggling to pay the bills and have money left over to do something fun now and then. I seriously hope the federal government has better things to do than use us as control subjects.

IKnowNothing, thanks for sharing your thoughts. What you proposed was my initial reaction. It was her idea to leave and end the relationship but yet she wanted to "keep in touch". I told her that I felt it was best to just end things there and go our separtate ways. If sometime down the road, she changed her mind and wanted to try again, then great, when that happens, let's talk and work through whatever problems we felt were there. Obviously, things haven't gone that way.

Angela, thanks for the advice and the offer of help. The idea of emailing each other is a good one. We actually got to know each other by email and phone, as we initially lived on opposite sides of the country, her in Seattle and me near Boston. So in a way, we're back to where we started, except now we just talk on the phone. The strange thing with email is that I know she receives them but she rarely replies. Over the course of the past year, I've probably sent over 100 emails to her and she's replied indirectly to two of those. However, sometimes she will call when she knows I won't be home so she can leave cute little messages, other times she'll call me if something has upset her rather than calling her current boyfriend, even though he's told her to call him at work, and other times she just calls to say "hi" and see how I'm doing.

I've always believed that a person's actions say much more about their feelings in a relationship than their words. Besides what I have mentioned, I could cite a number of other examples, in both her words and actions, that are contradictory. Overall, I think she's just confused right now. So rather than try to figure out what she's thinking, I'm taking this time to improve myself and understand the dynamics of the relationship so that she and I can work out whatever issues may be unresolved and either come together again or move on to something else. Hence my reasoning for improving myself spiritually and looking into other non-traditional aspects, i.e. psychic vampirism, past lives, ect. that could be factors in how she and I interact.

[Edited on 14-3-2004 by zakk]

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