My hate for the world!

I now realize something about myself. At first, I cared for everyone, I tried helping them when they were in need. I was always there to listen to them, and let them know how I felt about a particular topic. I gave them my time, and my knowledge. I wanted them to feel that they were needed, that they were wanted. I would have given my life, to save others, with a snap of a finger.

Then, people declined my offers to be there for them. I was tourmented, humiliated, shunned. I become depresses, stress, distant. I begin to think everything is a waste of time, that nothing is worth my goddamn time. The time i've spent helping others cannot be recovered. The time I sat in the dark staring at my cieling, pondering what I should do next, was extensive. I became a loner, a rebel without a cause. Shunned from even the rejects, from the goths, from everyone. I'm a peaceful person, people need to understand this. It's all I wanted, was peace, happiness, friends. The little friends I had became nothing more than what I soon began to hate!

I realize I hate people more than I ever wanted to save them. It sickens me that I feel this way about people, total strangers. Someone bumps into me at the mall, I despise them. Only because that person never has a second thought to say sorry, or atleast make eye contact afterwards. Someone harrases me at school, they don't realize what that s*** does to people. The first time you don't care, the second time, you blow it off. REPEAT REPEAT REPEAT! You become sick of it. It literally makes you want to tear out your hair. You begin to believe what everyone says about you, though, you know it's far from the truth. You become what people want you to be, and forget what your desires became, nothing.

Lately, this hate has hasn't supressed. I don't know what to do anymore. Things just never get better. And don't think I have suicidal tendencies, or homocidal thoughts, because that would be nothing less than judging me. Goddamn!

reply to post by MadSeason313


Hang in there bud. I've had similar experiences in my life. It seems that no matter how nice and caring I've been that I'm just ignored. Take care of number one, YOU. If you want to talk, just shoot me a U2U. )


[edit on 19-11-2007 by Slash]

reply to post by MadSeason313


I know exactly how you feel. Lately I too have had my hate grow into a monster. You can only take so many beatings before you start wanting to beat back.

reply to post by stellawayten


No offense Stell, but one never knows how another feels. I do get what you mean though.

I suggest you find some way to deal with these distractions and get on with your life. For me, laughter helps a whole lot. I usually even laugh to myself in my head while I nod and smile and allow these distractions to finish their nonsense. And definetly out loud afterwards, as I can't help but to see humor in them, their priorities and their antics.

Just learning to be polite really, no harm ever came of that. So be polite and get on with things, that's what I say. Sometimes people like this manage to snag you in some way somehow, but it always passes. But don't pretend they don't bother you, deal with it in your own way, however long it takes.

Also remember that they are more stupid than you or I can comprehend. The things you would teach them are things they must learn on their own (or not). You are way beyond them, so do not ever settle for their lies.

There are a lot of rude and nasty people out there, and there are also a lot of people who feel like they should be ashamed to accept help from others (and honestly you shouldn't get mad about this nor take it personal, it has nothing to do with you) and there are people who are just terminally mean and unhappy and seem to bring everyone down with them.

However, there are also many happy people and many nice people and people who really know the reality of give and take and don't mind accepting help or gifts because they know in their heart that they give back as much as they can as well.

Yet the latter doesn't get noticed as much as the former because they don't feel the need to boast themselves as it seems the negative people do.

I try really hard to just let the negatives pass me by and pay more attention to the positives. I don't know if that would help you or not as I obviously am not you and don't know 100% what your situation is. But it's what helps me.