Need Advice : X-Wife who isn´t on the "level."

Here´s my story...

I was 20 when we got married, she a whole five years older then me. She was divorced when we met. It´s one of those "love at first sight" deals I suppose. I KNEW she was the one for me. (Well, turns out I was wrong.)

We had a child a year and a half later. But after that, things go south real bad. This isn´t easy to talk about, so bear with me.

Neither I or her are perfect of course, I´ve done my wrongs as well. (However, it doesn´t go as far as what she has said and done.)

We start to argue, A LOT. I´m the kind of guy who just takes the blame and wants to end the fighting as fast as possible. This allowed her to walk all over me. At first, she´d just call me names, then she started to pull my family in to the whole thing.

Each and every time we (she) would argue, she´d start saying things like "Oh, are you sad now? Wan´t to go f**k your mother?" Or "Do you miss your brothers d**k?" and it´d just continue like that. I was broken, both my nerves and mentally. I would just collapse each and every time.

Then things would get semi-physical. She´s kicked me in the face several times when I was down on my knees begging her to stop. (I told you, I sunk real low.)

I also wasn´t allowed to visit my family. (I saw them maybe twice in three years?) They lived 10 minutes away, and we have always been close.

She´d scream "Help help!! My husband is trying to kill me!" out the window, this really messed up my nerves. I´d shake for days on end, wouldn´t eat etc.

Eventually, she started doing other guys behind my back. Then she wanted a divorce.

She got one, and we got joint custody of the child. (50/50) After a month or so, she starts saying she wanted the child for "70/30" etc. Come to find out, after all her nonsense stories about her "feeling alone" and all that, she just wanted child support. (Which I don´t have a problem with, just how she went about and did it.)

Well, since the divorce, she´d still terrorize me through sms messaging, threatening with lawyers, courts, child welfare services etc if she didn´t get her way. (This could be from leaving the country for a month or two with our child, even though I didn´t want her to.)

I recieved text messeges like, "Please raise our child like a human being, don´t force me to go to court with you." I´ve been trying to be the best father I could be. But I got this text messege because I took our kid to McDonalds one sunday because I didn´t have the time to make dinner before I had to take our kid back home to her, the mother.

I´m now being threatened with court, because I don´t want my x-wife to take our kid out of the country with her current boyfriend who has threatened to kill my ex-wife.

So I´m going to have to talk to a lawyer in Janurary some time.

Now don´t get me wrong, I´m far from perfect myself. But I never mentally or emotionally abused my x-wife.

I just need someones advice, who´s been through something like this before. I´m scared for my child, because I know what my ex-wife is capable of. I don´t want my child to go through the same things I have. (And there have been a few incidents.)

How should I deal with my ex-wife? Should I hit hard with a lawyer? I´m at my wits end, not to mention my nerves. (My heart jumps a beat when I see I recieve a text messege from her, almost go into a panic attack when I see it´s her thats calling on the caller I.D.)

But thanks for reading, and if you don´t have anything constructive to say, please don´t bother writing. (I don´t need any "hahaha you loser" remarks.)

Again, thanks for reading.

Frontkjemper

Dude.

I'm no expert, but get documentation.

Tell her you are recording your calls. I would imagine from what you have said she will keep on with the mouthyness!

There are people on here that can help you more!!

MonKey

First: Stop taking this crap from her, or anyone else for that matter...

Second: Like Monkey said, Document, Document, Document... Write everything down that HAS happened or IS happening.. Remember the dates and times and exact wording of every single incident you can and write them down....

Third: Take all of this to an Attorney and tell him you are sick of it and want to stop living the way you are....

There are TONS of attorneys in every town in the world that specialize in just this sort of thing...

You have rights, as many rights as she does, but no one is going to hand them to you; you have to stand up for them yourself...

Get an Attorney and GO AFTER HER....

I hope you give her the same grief she gave/gives you...

Semper

Thanks all for the advice. I´m looking up a lawyer for her court threats because I don´t want her taking our kid out of the country.

I have a lot of her sms messeges, and a couple of recordings of her. But I´m very worried about what´ll happen if I go full on with a lawyer and what not. She will escalate everything to a next level. She won´t stop. That´s one reason that´s held me back from doing anything before.

She just wont stop. She´ll lie and do everything in her power to make me and my family look like crap. And to be honest, my nerves can´t handle it.

But I´ll try, because the way things are going now is hurtful to everyone involved.

Thanks for the replies.

FK

As you've been told document document and then document some more. Get an attorney and fight.

I realize that you are emotionally drained but think about what she is doing to that innocent child. If she'll treat you like this what is she doing to that baby?

My friend, you and your child have the right to live in peace and happiness and you as a parent have an obligation to fight for your child.

You're NOT a loser but you are a parent with all the responsibilites and joy that implies so go fight for your child.

Document everything not just here and there but every single thing stop cowering in fear and be a man. For one she can't really take your child out of the country for any unspecified amount of time without your permission. you have joint custody for her to do so will simply violate the court order. You have to start thinking about how she is going to react to the court drama you have to try and figure out what lies she is going to tell and come up with evidence to refute it. Good luck to you.

Dude, Fight!!!! don't give in....I just went through a divorce and my story is very similar to yours....I have the same personality as you I hate to fight so I would alsways take the blame and would get verbally abused with around the same lines she told you!!! Crazy having a Deja Vu here...But I did not get a good lawyer and I didn't fight for anything I ended up giving in to everything and she took it all(my house, furniture....everything I just had my clothes she would threaten if I left when we were fighting that she would bang her head on the counter and call the cops and say I hit her so I was trapped and felt I had no way out!!!!Get recordings, keep thoses text messages) Get a good lawyer and let her know you are in it for the long haul. No matter what happens!!! If you want to talk about it U2U me, cause it sounds all to familiar!

[edit on 18-11-2007 by kdial1]

Frontkjemper,

You have a real self esteem problem. No wonder your ex doesnt respect you. I'll tell you one of the first things I would do. I would get another cell phone number and not give it to her. She obviously doesnt respect you at all and uses the cell phone and text messages to intimidate you and put you on the string. I know so many men who are tortured by this nonsense.

The facts of the matter are that the courts are highly biased against men.. and social services in particular. YOu need to get a regular land line and phone recorder. That is the number you give her. Get another cell phone and dont give her the number.

Dont worry about the kid per se...there is literally nothing you can do about it unless you in fact go to court and fight. These types women are experts at using the system...parasites. Not all women mind you but those who choose to use it and the system supports such parasite ism.

Tell her in no uncertain terms that you got another cell phone because she misuses it to try to get you on a string and you are not intrested in this. Do not ever let her read your mail..especially your phone records.

This is about female power over you ..not civility or the child. The facts are that she is using the system and the child to gain power and control over you. She is common enough to use or misuse the child in this manner...what does that tell you about her real value system?? Her religion?? Her Faith?? These types of women are only intrested in causing confusion everywhere they go until the biology starts running out.
The courts are not intrested in this aspect ..her misuse of the child or you.. Nevertheless if the issue comes up...it is her who caused it and you need peace of mind from her and cannot get it if she has your cell phone number. It is one drama after another. You dont have to tolerate this nonsense. What is happening to you doesnt make good nonsense..yet you obviously facillitate it. You allow it ..by default you encourage it.

She is going to do what she is going to do no matter what you say or do. IF you are going to be misereable..at least have the strength to be miserable on your terms ..not hers...understand??
Get rid of that cell phone number and get another. Dont give her the new cell phone number. Give her a land line number...not your new cell.

Sooner or later you have to call her bluff..or she will advance to the next step...which is already happening by your tale of woe.

She dogs you because you allow it in your emotional ignorance...they are neutering you. You deserve to be dogged if you dont get it by now..and it will continue. YOu do not allow a woman like this to use the children as coin or leverage over you ...if you do they will go to the next step in leverage.

Do you need a makeover dude..or are you going to grow some brass ones??

Sorry to be so rough but someone has to tell you straight ...she will not be as nice , civil or understanding.

OH..and ChickeyMonkey and others are correct..make recordings and keep the messages. Make a paper trail that can be followed. A trend line.
If you can find one get a recorder which uses those little cassettes..and keep a file of them. Not the digital type but the small cassettes.

Thanks,
Orangetom

[edit on 22-11-2007 by orangetom1999]

[edit on 22-11-2007 by orangetom1999]