How Do You Tell Someone They Stink?

Lord knows you people leave me hanging on most of my threads - evidently I am ATS's most boring member - but now I am in desperate need of some imaginative help on a very delicate issue.

I will probably go STRAIGHT to hell for this but I have got to tell my mom that she smells. I don't mean body funk but the issue is hairspray. I'm not just talking about a little; I'm talking about nose-stinging, lung-piercing copious amounts of hairspray.

I know, I know - I am the world's most hateful daughter. Some of you may even say "suck it up!” But it's bad, real bad. The smell lingers long after she is gone - EVEN AFTER WE WIPE DOWN EVERYTHING!

I have tried delicately to address the issue in the past, to no avail. She is visiting now and the entire house reeks! My son's nose is running and his eyes are watering. I cannot get a really good breath, I feel like I am suffocating. She will be coming back for Christmas and I am sooooo done with this.

Let me add that, as a mother, while she is certainly no June Cleaver she is also no Joan Crawford (a.k.a. Mommy Dearest). BUT she is very self-centered and histrionic, though well-meaning. She will not take any criticism well. However, she is THE WORLD'S GREATEST GRANDMA.

I don't want to alienate her, embarrass her or hurt her feelings but my family honestly can't take it any more. We are literally suffering.

Have any other members had to have delicate conversations like this before? HELP!:bnghd:

If its just hair spray I would be thankful it wasn't body odor you have to tell her about. Maybe you should just walk in the room where she is and get the ball rolling by saying, golly whats that smell and start sniffin the air. Then go all around the room until you come back to your mom and say, oh my lord its your hair spray mom. Did you realize it was so strong? That stuff is about to choke me to death. And just see what happens from there.

When in doubt, lie.

Tell her you went to the doc because the kid is having some kind of repiratory issue and it turns out the little bugger is allergic to hairspray.

Yeah, I'm going to hell too. :shk:

Buy a can of un-scented hair spray and leave it on the counter in the bathroom she will be using. If she asks you about it, tell her that it's a wonderful brand that you like because it doesn't leave an after scent.

I'm kind of leaning toward Duzey's suggestion on this, only because she has been dismissive of my efforts to approach this subject in the past.

BTW, it has been about nine hours since she used the hairspray and it still permeates the house. Actually, we were all outside earlier and I could smell it while sitting on the front porch.

Whats wrong with the truth?

Tell her her current hair spray makes you sick and she should buy others and experiment to see which one you can all live with???

There are thousands of sprays out there! Tell her its time tp move on with the times and instead of an aerosol she should get a mild spritz.

reply to post by kosmicjack


You could always take the Stewart Gilligan Griffin approach.

Walk in during her hour long spray fest.
Grab the can.
Hit her repeatedly with the can.
When she hits the floor, proceed to empty the entire contents into her face.
Kick her.
Walk away talkin trash.


Jasn

[edit on 18-11-2007 by SimiusDei]

reply to post by SimiusDei


Who the hell is Stewart G. Griffin and why is he advocating violence towards one's own mother? I don't care who the bastard is, that's just a big no-no no matter how you cut it. :shk:

Originally posted by dgtempe
Whats wrong with the truth?

Tell her her current hair spray makes you sick and she should buy others and experiment to see which one you can all live with???

There are thousands of sprays out there! Tell her its time tp move on with the times and instead of an aerosol she should get a mild spritz.

Wow! The truth? Who'da thunk it?
Dgtempe's advice sounds like the best of all the suggestions. When in doubt, just speak the truth.

omg....do you suppose telling the truth would work in life's other arenas? Say politics?

reply to post by kosmicjack



simple say it straight to her face insted of asking for a way to weazle out
better then lieing to your mother

Just be straight forward and tell her the truth. If not then bring up the subject of Tammy Faye Bakker and weave hairspray into the conversation. Like wonder out loud if the huge amount of hairspray she used could have caused her lung cancer.

After a really good spraying session, gather all the children and have a game of.

Let's flick matches at Grandma's head.

When her hair goes up, calmly cover her head with a cold very wet towel and present the child that hit the target with a new bicycle.

No Hair... No Hair Spray... No Problem.

MonKey

To be clear, as I mentioned in the OP, I have tried to discuss it several times in recent years. Honestly and frankly. A couple of times very politely, in general terms, and another time very directly (though still politely) when I explained that the amount that she spritzes (not aerosol) fills the entire house with stink for many days after her visits as well as gives everyone else in the house a headache and difficulty breathing. I was ignored by my mom, who then just pouted the rest of the visit. Additionally I was told by my step-dad that I was being mean and overly sensitive and to just quit making a big deal about it (which I wasn't) and to get over it. Which I tried to do. For several years.

However, this time the offending concoction was sprayed three times, very heavily, in 24 hours. As a result, it has permeated the entire house on the eve of other guests arriving. As soon as she left we wiped down everything in the general area in which she was using it, laundered all of her sheets and towels and vacuumed and dust the entire house. Again. We have had all of the windows open for three hours and it still smells.

So, at this point, Simius Dei's suggestion is certainly appealing. I do need to get this worked out because she will be back at Christmas. The thought of spending Christmas Day suffocating and with a violent headache doesn't sound very merry. But neither does a huge flap over a problem which would really be so easy to solve if she wasn't so stubborn.

Obviously I care about how she feels - I love her, she's my mom - and I certainly don't want to make a guest in my home feel embarrassed or uncomfortable but this is just so out of hand now that my family is being affected, not to mention the lasting effect on my home.

Ok, i have a question:

Just what the heck is she trying to spray? This isnt the 60's where a bouffant hairdo COULD take up a can of hairspray. Now, having said that, i suggest you tell your mother you are giving her money for something special this Christmas or whatever you celebrate.

Make an appointment at a beauty parlor and have her pick a new style. Tell her that her style is passe, and that you are giving her a beauty makeover. Most styles nowadays require a tiny, if any hairspray. MAKE SURE THE HAIRDRESSER tells her to cut down on the hairspray because its old fashioned, and not necessary. Hell, she could put a whole bottle of mousse on her head and the smell wouldnt get ya, so we're on the right track.

Now, if she refuses,




You could always take the Stewart Gilligan Griffin approach.

Walk in during her hour long spray fest.
Grab the can.
Hit her repeatedly with the can.
When she hits the floor, proceed to empty the entire contents into her face.
Kick her.
Walk away talkin trash.