reply to post by fooffstarr
I'm with 'indierockalien' all the way on this one. You have experienced an 'awakening', and trust me ... life will never look the same way again.
Yeah, sure you'll still get s**t happen ... but life and the way you perceive it will never be the same.
I am a naturally optimistic/positive ... glass half-full kinda gal, that's what helped me survive too. too many years married to an extremely violent
man (whilst truly terrified of him ... I always managed to bounce back).
Then in 1989, I gave birth to Callum ... and he was stillborn ! The hospital told me it was the equivalent of a 'cot-death' ... but in the womb,
there was no medical explanation for his death.
This was the most devastating experience of my life (as you might imagine), it made everything my 'Ex'-husband had ever inflicted on me during the
preceding years, pale into insignificance.
Already having had 3 perfectly healthy children before Callum and being a natural earth-mother, I just couldn't get my head around losing my son. But
for the sake of my other children I cloaked myself in a mask of normality ... whilst all the time I was dying inside. This (what I can only describe
as 'emptiness'), continued for almost nine months. I'd resigned myself to the idea that this is how I was going feel for the rest of my life !!!
Then on the Easter Sunday (as my name indicates I am not a christian), following Callum's birth/death, I was just gazing out of the kitchen window as
I washed-up after lunch. It was a beautiful sunny day and I just sort of came out of my trance and noticed how beautiful the garden looked in the
sunlight ... I mean REALLY noticed. It was as if I'd never seen daffodils before in my life.
At that moment something just 'clicked' and I KNEW, I was never going to feel the emptiness ever again ... it felt like in that split second, I'd
woken-up from a lifelong coma or someone had switched the lights on in a dark room. Of course that's not to say losing Callum didn't matter anymore
... it always will ... but from that moment I began to see life through new eyes.
Just like 'indierockalien' said the only words to describe the sensation is rapture or ecstacy ... but that really doesn't do it justice.
From that day my life changed, from somewhere ... I know not where ... I gained the strength to leave my violent 'ex' with my children and start a
But the changes actually began even before I left. I started getting clairvoyant messages ... and sensing spirit plus many other paranormal gifts I
never knew I had before.
The thing that makes me smile though, is the fact that many people (including my 'ex'), thought that my grief had resulted in a 'bit of a
which I'm sure is the same for many of us who experience these 'awakenings', particularly if they follow some kind of
life-trauma as mine did.
I don't know if they would think that explanation still holds water today though ... because not only do I still feel the same ... but I continue to
have these 'rapturous awakenings' quite regularly (gaining a sudden realization and total understanding of something) ... and Callum would have been
18yrs old now
In a nutshell what began as the most devastating experience of my life ... actually evolved into the most motivating nd exhilarating experience of my
Like yourself, I am not a convetionally religious person ... but I have an intense respect for whatever the 'higher force' (God/Aliens?), of
creation is and the 'big picture', that we are part of and that we occasionally access fleeting glimses of.
Life is truly a magickal thing ... so hang on tight because you my friend, are about to have the ride of your life ... enjoy !