favourite redneck jokes

Cmon yall share your favourite redneck jokes.
Here is mine.

If your definition of dinner and a movie is KFC and deliverence
you might be a redneck

If you think KKK is a way of LIFE.
YOU ARE ARE REDNECK.

Subject: Why Rednecks are not Paramedics
A couple of rednecks are out in the woods hunting when one of them
suddenly grabs his chest and falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to
be
breathing; his eyes are rolled back in his head.
The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911. He gasps to
>the
operator, "I think Bubba is dead! What should I do?"
The operator, in a calm soothing voice says, "Just take it easy
andfollow my instructions. First, let's make sure he's dead."
There is a silence... and then a shot is heard
The guy's voice comes back on the line, "Okay, now what?"

If you work with your shirt off, and your husband does too.

hehe

if you've ever had your nipple bit off by a beaver
you might be a redneck


I also like the classic :

If your new TV is sitting on top of your old TV
you might be a redneck

because a friend of mine did that for years, i made fun of him all the time

WHO SAYS REDNECKS AIN'T REAL BRIGHT

Hello, is this the FBI?"

"Yes. What do you want?"

"I'm calling to report about my neighbor Billy Bob
Smith! He is hiding marijuana inside his firewood."

"Thank you very much for the call, sir."

The next day, the FBI agents descend on Billy Bob's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood,
but find no marijuana. They swore at Billy Bob and left..

The phone rings at Billy Bob's house.

"Hey, Billy Bob! Did the FBI come?"

"Yeah!"

"Did they chop your firewood?"

"Yep."

"Happy Birthday, Buddy"

If your father walks you to school, because you're in the same grade....

If your front porch collapses, and kills more than two dogs....

If you own season tickets for NASCAR, but can't afford your trailer lot rent.....

If you think silence of the lambs is what happens when Larry goes out to the barn, you might be a redneck. Personal favorite, If you think the last 4 words of the starspangled banner are "gentlemen start your engines" you might be a redneck:w::w:

If you have ever had to climb a water tower with a can of paint to defend your sister's honor.....

You just might be a redneck

What is usually a redneck's last words??


"Hey y'all, watch this!!"

N on-
A thletic
S port
C entered
A round
R ednecks

10 Ways to tell if a Redneck has been working on a Computer.

10. The monitor is up on blocks.
9. Outgoing faxes have tobacco stains on them.
8. The six front keys have rotted out.
7. The extra RAM ports have truck parts stored in them.
6. The numeric keypad only goes up to six.
5. The password is "Bubba".
4. There's a gun rack mounted on the CPU.
3. There's a Coors can in the cup holder(CD-ROM drive).
2. The keyboard is camouflaged.
AND the number 1 way to tell if a redneck has been working on a computer is...

1. The mouse is referred to as a "critter".

Redneck Medical Terms

Artery The study of paintings.
Bacteria Back door to cafeteria.
Barium What doctors do when patients die.
Benign What you be after you be eight.
Catscan Searching for Kitty.
Cauterize Made eye contact with her.
Cesarean Section A neighborhood in Rome.
Colic A sheep dog.
Coma A punctuation mark.
D&C Where Washington is.
Dilate To live long.
Enema Not a friend.
Fester Quicker than someone else.
Fibula A small lie.
Genital Non-Jewish person.
G.I.Series World Series of military baseball.
Hangnail What you hang your coat on.
Impotent Distinguished, well known.
Labor Pain Getting hurt at work.
Medical Staff A Doctor's cane.
Morbid A higher offer than I bid.
Nitrates Cheaper than day rates.
Node I knew it.
Outpatient A person who has fainted.
Ovaries You get to try again.
Pap Smear A fatherhood test.
Pelvis Second cousin to Elvis.
Post Operative A letter carrier.
Recovery Room Place to do upholstery.
Rectum Pretty near killed him.
Secretion Hiding something.
Seizure Roman emperor.
Tablet A small table.
Terminal Illness Getting sick at the airport.
Tumor More than one.
Urine Opposite of you're out.
Varicose Near by/close by.

www.frontiernet.net...

If you buy a police scanner to keep up with your relatives

If your family tree doesnt fork

id your mother admires all of your girlfriends tatoos

if your wife would rather fish off a bridge than go shopping

if your girlfriend can clime a tree faster than a cat

You might be a redneck

How does a redneck mother tell if her daughter is on her period?

She tastes the blood while sucking her sons dick...

Originally posted by Yoda
WHO SAYS REDNECKS AIN'T REAL BRIGHT

Hello, is this the FBI?"

"Yes. What do you want?"

"I'm calling to report about my neighbor Billy Bob
Smith! He is hiding marijuana inside his firewood."

"Thank you very much for the call, sir."

The next day, the FBI agents descend on Billy Bob's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood,
but find no marijuana. They swore at Billy Bob and left..

The phone rings at Billy Bob's house.

"Hey, Billy Bob! Did the FBI come?"

"Yeah!"

"Did they chop your firewood?"

"Yep."

"Happy Birthday, Buddy"

lmfao, that one is great.

Two New Yorkers are vacationing in the South. At the end of a long hike up a hill, they find a group of people preparing a hanglider. After convincing the New Yorkers that they should give the hanglider a try, they strap one of them in, and off he goes. As he soars over a valley at the base of the hill two rednecks look up and see him. "What the hell is that, Jimmy?" one of them asks. "I don't know Earl, must be some kind of bird." "Well, take a shot at it" Earl says. With this, Jimmy raises his rifle and fires. "Did you get him?" Earl asks.
"Nope", says Jimmy, "but I got him to drop that damn yankee."

Originally posted by The Last Patriot

Two New Yorkers are vacationing in the South. At the end of a long hike up a hill, they find a group of people preparing a hanglider. After convincing the New Yorkers that they should give the hanglider a try, they strap one of them in, and off he goes. As he soars over a valley at the base of the hill two rednecks look up and see him. "What the hell is that, Jimmy?" one of them asks. "I don't know Earl, must be some kind of bird." "Well, take a shot at it" Earl says. With this, Jimmy raises his rifle and fires. "Did you get him?" Earl asks.
"Nope", says Jimmy, "but I got him to drop that damn yankee."

That was a piece of crap, (sorry) but i have a southpark quote for you:

"Gay,
yea, totally gay,
Liberachi gay"

YOU MIGHT BE A REDNECK IF...
. . . on Thanksgiving Day you have to decide which pet to eat.

. . . you vacuum the sheets instead of washing them.

. . . you think paprika is a Third World country.

. . . your dog has ever brought home something that you cooked for dinner.

. . . you�ve ever stolen toilet paper.

. . . you�ve ever talked back to characters on the movie screen.

. . . you�ve ever named a child for a good dog.

A.) Your new working television sits on top of your non-working television.

B.) If you walk your dog and you both use the tree at the corner.

C.) If your dog and wallet are both on a chain.

D.) If someone yells ho-down and your girlfriend hits the floor.

E.) If you've ever mowed your grass and found a car.

F.) If you've ever opened a beer during a ulegy.

G.) If someone says you have something in your teeth and you take them out to see what it is.

H.) If you've ever financed a tatoo.

I.) If your living room furniture used to be your lawn furniture.

J.) If you've ever hauled a bucket of paint to the top of a water tower to defend your sisters honor.

K.) If your wife says, "come move this transmition so I can take a bath."

L.) If the most common phrase in your house is "someone jiggle the handle."

M.) If you've ever worn a tank top to a wedding.

www.aagu.net...

[Edited on 11-17-2004 by Shugo]

if when someone tells you to say no to crack, you pull up your pants.

if your family has ever been kicked out of karaoke night