How long should you............

I was sitting around today thinking about life and stuff and a few questions came to mind. I was wondering how long people wait to hit certain stages in their relationships. I've heard stories of people that won't have sex until after a certain number of dates, and they wouldn't move in with their SO until dating for a certain number of months.


Personally, I need to feel a connection before I would even make a move into the physical part of a relationship. So I wouldn't kiss on a first date, but maybe a second. Also I would wait until dating for a week at the earliest to have sex. I don't really know where I stand on moving in together. Perhaps anywhere from dating steadily for 6 months? And once I've been to that point, I would propose anywhere from dating for one year to who knows.


The purpose of this thread is to get to know some of the members preferences for these "stages" in a relationship. From first kiss to marriage, how long would you wait and why.

If it doesn't feel easy and natural.......don't do it, or you'll end up with mace in your face.

Peace

I am the LAST person to ask about this. I had a problem with sleeping with first, and asking questions later.

Uh oh, my bad, did I just confess to that?

Um ... I think that it is best for people to really get to know each other before sex, and definitely before moving in. Having made the moving in too early mistake several times, I am not sure that six months is long enough.

That's just some of the stuff I want to know. 6 months doesn't seem like very much time, but I know there are couples that have only dated for a short while before they get married.

Some relationships seem to move quick while others drag along. Anyone else care to contribute?

Dude, I pretty sure you're in your twentys. Right?

If I could do it differently: I would say don't even bother with a relationship until you have finished Uni/college.

I dropped outta college because I thought I was in Love (what a pillock!) I was heading for A's all the way.

So untill you finish your education remember the three F's.

Find um, *SNIP* um and Forget um!

Hey there little lady Put Out or Get Out.

MonKey



All the rest of the stuff has to go down to the people involved. we live and learn. Too soon can soon become too late. crazy world.

Oh wow, this is a hard one to answer. Well for me I dated a lot of guys. I didn’t sleep with them I just dated them.

I usually didn’t kiss them at all unless I liked them. I would have to go out on a few dates before he got his first kiss.

I never once moved in with any of my dates. I was a virgin until I was married.

reply to post by ChiKeyMonKey


I am in my 20's, but I have been married and am going through a divorce. I've been seperated for a year and a half now and have just started to date again.

reply to post by Shar



That is good information. It's rare in this day and age to find a woman that stays a virgin until she marries. Kudos to you.

So does anyone else have a preference about certain stages in their relationship? I'm sure you have an opinion.

I wouldn't follow the crude advice of "Find them, # them, and forget them," because you'd have to be an idiot to think such things.

Like the Japanese say.. "Take it naturally." Have your guard up close, but let whatever happen, happen. Setting limits, timelines, and regulating what can happen when is unnatural, and in the long run will probably do you more harm than good. I would stray from the "quo" of relationships, labels, and certain "institutions."

Float down stream. Good luck.

My last relationship moved WAY too fast, sex on the first date, moved in basically the next day. Now that it's over I will try to wait at least 1 year before I ever let another women move in with me again.

I think every ones situation is different. If you meet someone and really hit it off good and aren't going to be seeing them for a long time, you might do differently than if you had the opportunity to date for months on end.

When a young fellow meets a girl the day before he goes to boot camp, they might be a little more inclined to make something happen than someone who has lots of time. And it all depends too if you are looking for someone to marrie or just to have some fun with.

I feel like if you are looking for someone to marrie you might want to date a long time, get to know each other and see if you even like each other.

For any two people to hit it off I feel like they have to have the same goals in mind, whether its a one night stand or a life long relationship. I don't judge people myself, people can do whatever feels right to them without me labeling them as a misfit.

No matter how you play the relationship game; waiting, jumping in cold or being the slaves of passion; after you have been married for about five years, little nagging questions arise in your consciousness. "What was I thinking?" "Is this really what I wanted?" "Why won't she change?"

It's all just a big crap shoot. Sometimes you get lucky every once in awhile. At least that has been my experience.

[edit on 14-11-2007 by whaaa]

[edit on 15-11-2007 by whaaa]

I moved out of home for a bit once and went to live at my girlfriends, and I had only been seeing her for like a month... I must admit I'd known her for like 2 years though.

Interesting thread Titan.

I've never shacked up with anyone. I enjoy[ed] the dating and romance side of an early relationship. It seems like most of that stops when you move in together, and then things seem like that of an old married couple too soon. I always made guys wait for a bit on the sleeping together thing. I can still count the guys I've slept with on one hand I don't see anything wrong with a good night kiss on the first date and hugging and holding hands... yeah I like that stuff! I guess I'm a little bit old fashioned in some ways?

The thrill of a good flirting session is a natural high though

Hope I can keep this PG rated. My advice would not be balanced as I am single and sixty so I usually jump at any opportunity I get to mingel with the opposite sex.

As my old buddy Janis Joplin once said, "Get it while you can".

Originally posted by dizziedame
Hope I can keep this PG rated. My advice would not be balanced as I am single and sixty so I usually jump at any opportunity I get to mingel with the opposite sex.

As my old buddy Janis Joplin once said, "Get it while you can".

Sweetheart, "take a, take another little piece of heart now baby, you know you got it, if it makes you feel good"

Hi,

I dont think you can use a time table here. Dating isnt the time to worry about when to kiss or have sex or move in with someone. Dating is for people to get to know each other to see if they might have a life together.
Until you are ready for that there is no point in it.

Take this time to mature and make a future for yourself. You are not the person you will be in 5 years or the person you will be in 10.
Whats the rush. Getting caught up in the physcial side of a realtionship can be confusing.

As for having sex ask yourself this before you do
"Am i ready to be a father now?" It could happen.
What about stds. This could also happen.
Then you will be on the forum asking totally different questions.

good luck

peace

Originally posted by MajorMalfunction
I am the LAST person to ask about this. I had a problem with sleeping with first, and asking questions later.

Uh oh, my bad, did I just confess to that?

That is the thing I admire about you MM, your candid honesty.

I am healing so very careful who I exercise in bed with. Tis a shame really cos it was fun

Be true to yourself and your feelings, if something doesn't feel right then don't do it.

i would say you could move in when you feel completely comfortable with the person. like my boyfriend and i, were we older, would be living together. we have been dating "steadily" for a year and 7 months ( and 5 days ) now, and hes seen me at my worst, he's spent time with my horrible family, and its the same with me for him.

Thank you for your replies everyone. I was just wondering about everyone's personal experience. I know some people move quicker than others. I am just trying to see what those preferences are.