Do women actually respect single fathers?

In regards to GAOTU's post as the OP.

Curious here about the exeriences of the posters . How many women and men do you personally know who marry a partner with children.

What are your experiences with this type of scenerio.

Not just dating..but marriage..after dating. Obviously the dating portion is covered by the OPs question.

How many men do you folks know who marry women with a ready made family.

HOw about women who marry men with a ready made family.

I am talking real commitment here not just dating...where the rubber meets the road.

Are there in existance any polls or statistics on this?? I am not sure how to look up this information if it is in fact available.

I am intrested in this because it indicates a trend line in social value systems. A difference in viewing/views and expectations in a social structure.

Thanks,
Orangetom

I have been a single mom and I have had the same problem. There are dumb guys out there who see single women with children as loose and/or damaged goods.

So as many have said, the problem isn't a gender issue, it's just the fact that you are a single parent in general.

they have to accept that your kids come with the packaged deal of a serious relationship. If they can't accept that then good riddance and on to the next endeavor.

[edit on 4-12-2007 by snowflake_obsidian]

I wonder if I am even getting through here.

I am asking beyond the dating buisness...to real commitment ..enough to marry.

How many women do you folks personally know who marry a man with children??

How many men do you know whow marry women with children??

Not just date...but beyond.

THe question is not unreasonable... It will show differences in value systems. Not just in dating but where the rubber meets the road.

It is obvious by the postings here that there are differences in value systems in dating. I am asking concerning beyond dating.

Thanks,
Orangetom

Originally posted by orangetom1999
How many men do you know whow marry women with children??

Not just date...but beyond.

One day at a time, one step at a time, orangetom....

Ask a man to marry into your family and make a baby before he's even dated you for a month, and that's a surefire way to make him run screaming into the hills!

You will find the right one in Time, and when you do - make sure you give him some Time, too!!!

reply to post by orangetom1999


Well I am getting married next September and my fiance and I have been together for nearly 7 years, and I have 2 children from previous relationships.

My fiances best friend has 2 children from a previous marriage and his long time girlfriend of 5 years has a child from a previous relationship.

Another aquaintence of mine has two children from a previous relationship and she is getting married sometime next year.

reply to post by orangetom1999


I don't know anyone who has married someone with children. Then again, most of the people I know are still on their starter marriage.

I had one other thing I wanted to add to this topic - the whole thing may have nothing to do with respect for single parents. I respect single parents, but I probably wouldn't date or marry one unless their kids were already out of the home or living with someone else. Not because I'm worried about coming second or them not being my kids, but for one very simple reason - I don't like kids.

I know that sounds nuts to some, women are supposed to want babies and kids and have some subconcious mother-instinct that kicks in. I'm here to tell you that's a myth. There are plenty of women out there who don't like kids, don't want kids and avoid kids at all costs.

Heck, my sister had a baby just over 3 weeks ago - we don't live together, work together and I don't have to take care of it - and still, I've noticed that it has impacted my life. Now everything is 'baby this' and 'baby that'. We've already fought because she thinks that I don't like my niece (I do like her, she's just kind of boring now - let me know when the baby can hold a conversation) when the truth is I don't like any children except for my niece and that's only because we're related.

Some may see this as being selfish, I see it as being true to myself.

PS. It's good to see you again too, orangetom.

I have seen plenty of men who have no kids marrying women who have children.

And ive seen men who have kids getting married to women who have children also.

What I havent seen is a woman who doesnt have any kids getting married to a man who has kids.
interesting

reply to post by Duzey


Kids arent for everyone, and there is nothing wrong with not wanting to have kids. As long as you don't go around saying "Kids are gross and all babies should be aborted" like I heard some teenage girl saying in my store the other night.

I personally am not very good with little kids probably for some similar reasons that you find your neice boring. I find it sometimes hard to understand why my 8 year old is having trouble with school work that sounds so simple to me. But we make do.

reply to post by GAOTU789


I respect any person who is caring for their child, and being a responsible adult. All the more so if you are doing it on your own.

One of my best friends is divorced, and has custody of her young son. Sometimes, I just don't know how she does it. She amazes me, and I respect the hell out of her. I make sure that I tell her that frequently, too.

Your problem might be that a lot of women who don't have children don't want to start out as a stepmother. I don't know... I can't speak for other women, just myself. I'm sorry that this has been an issue for you, and I hope that you have better luck with women in the future.

reply to post by orangetom1999

originally posted by orangetom1999
How many men do you folks know who marry women with a ready made family.

HOw about women who marry men with a ready made family.

As far as men marrying women with children, I know quite a few. Whereas women marring men with children, I know just one. They got married in September. Beautiful wedding, outdoors at her parent's. Fantastic night.

reply to post by Duzey


I know quite a few women that feel this way. I don't think that it is that unusual anymore. After so long of women being expected to get married, have kids and settle down, it doesn't surprise me that this feeling is becoming/has become more prevelant amongst women. I don't see anything wrong with it.We should all have the right to chose the way we live our lives and to make our own decisions without societal pressure telling us what is "right and wrong". The defintions of right and wrong have become rather vague anyway in our screwed up world. I hear from lots of men and women that they aren't sure that they would like to bring a child into this mess.

You're your own person Duzey. You know what is best for you.

Bottom-line: Each and everyone deserve respect no matter what the martial status, especially single parents. As for single fathers, I wouldn’t mind meeting one. It’s a matter of choice due to the fact that making one of my own is scary enough, especially at my age (not that I’m THAT old).

Honestly, I would feel a bit intimidated by the awkward phase of being accepted as a ‘new mommy’ in the relationship and have heard that not bearing and rearing my own doesn’t have the same feeling as adoption.

Furthermore, I would definitely feel threatened by the potential encounter with the ex-spouse, her family, relative and friends. I just don’t like any unhealthy drama from past relationships interfering with my chance to start a life with someone who already has children.

Oh well: I guess I have a soft spot for stray doggies and am willing to give them a home, too.

reply to post by GAOTU789

As far as men marrying women with children, I know quite a few. Whereas women marring men with children, I know just one. They got married in September. Beautiful wedding, outdoors at her parent's. Fantastic night.

GAOTU789,
Intresting post and position. I too know of only one. Another woman is dating a single man with a child but he does not have custody. Mostly you see this among men. I am curious about this phenomonon.
Do you have any ideas on why this is? I just notice that it is mostly males who are wont to do this or take on such burdens in addition to thier own flesh and blood. Why do men seem more amenable to this concept and not women per se??
I have an idea but would like to hear yours and others takes on this before posting.


pikypiky,
Your post above this one is indicative of one of the reasons for what I have posted here to GAOTU789. However, and intresting point of view.


You know Snowflake..

I have a great deal of trouble with this concept you posted.

I have been a single mom and I have had the same problem. There are dumb guys out there who see single women with children as loose and/or damaged goods.

I cannot debate with you that this concept does not happen or is inivalid. I only re enter here to illustrate how stupid this concept is so as to pass for intelligence.
I feel compelled to state ,by experience, that I have met alot of single women without children as loose or damaged goods..literally train wrecks.
I cannot comprehend what some men are thinking outside of the arena of instant gratification...ie.."oil shortage."

I have found some of the most enjoyable moments in my life in dating women with children in a facet not possible with single women. Albiet some of the moments are difficult to come by under the pressures of children and family but I do not hold this against the women or children. To do so indicates to me a lack of maturity. Stupidity is more like it.
Many children I have noticed thirst for an adult male figure in thier lives..both girls and boys.
Raising children ,married or single, is serious buisness and not to be taken lightly...by the parent/parents or those dating them. Or to put it another way.." No lightweights need apply."

Pardon my passion but I am insulted by the type of thing you describe in men. What a bunch of light weights.
I am also insulted by it in women. For a long time I did not even notice it..but do today.

Thanks,
Orangetom



[edit on 2-1-2008 by orangetom1999]

[edit on 2-1-2008 by orangetom1999]