A talent that is a curse for relationships

I am shy, so too often I am outright SCARED in trying to create a relationship for the fear of rejection overwhelms me.

and I am very good at reading body language. So too often I can practically read peoples minds since many times people will give out body clues without really knowing it.

and I can tell when a girl isn't interested in me, and I give up without even trying

Too often I am the one allways asking questions, wanting to know more and more about them. Yet they never want to know about me.

I am seriously thinking of giving up in finding anyone to have a relationship with me... i get rejected to easily, too quickly to make it worth the effort anymore.

I tried Craiglist, matchdoctor, and numerous other sites and here is a sobering statistic... out of the 100 responses I made to ads or had made none responded after seeing a picture of me

I joined curling at my local club and too often it is full of married people or couples.

I tried dancing group classes and I was one of the few that wasn't a couple, and the ladies that were no there with a SO, had a SO (or so they said)

I am tired of rejection... nothing but unrequited love seems to be the only love I will find

Dude, you need to go to Thailand.

Meet some nice girls. Who love you long time!

I'm pretty sure not every girl wants an action man!

Try the local library.

A great place for picking up smart, cute girls that like to play games with chocolate cake, ice cream, rope, candles and plastic sheeting!!

MonKey

Bad ! Well I would not get down on yourself just yet man. What I think you need to do is go to your local pub and throw caution to the wind! :w::w:

reply to post by tetsujin420


The poor kids gunna get his head smashed in!! Go to the library, it's safer. Much safer.

How often have you heard someone say.

"You should've seen it go off at the library last night, man it was kicking off something crazy, then the plod rolled up and put a cap in some dude that was boring people to death with a Stephen king novel!"

MonKey

Well I guess you might have a point. If your religious I suppose you sould go to a Bible study and scope out the hotties, but going to Bible study just for the hotties is a BAD thing. You could also try you local book store. Barns and Noble is a great place to meet new people who like the same stuff you do, or you could try a coffee house.

Originally posted by Jehosephat

and I am very good at reading body language. So too often I can practically read peoples minds since many times people will give out body clues without really knowing it.

and I can tell when a girl isn't interested in me, and I give up without even trying

not for nothing, but you may be wrong here my friend, you may not be but just cause you think you have the read on her and you 'know' she won't talk to you, don't mean you're right.

also, craigslist and match.

trying to find love on craigslist?

come on man....

you could probably hook up with a hanoi * for about $50. mailorder.com

j/k

i used to work with a guy that had a mail order bride....she used to BEAT his ass.
he was miserable...he would come to work with a fat lip or his cheek all jacked and would tell his that she whailed on him again.

bwuahahahahahah

J, fear of rejection is the most natural thing in the world. But if you head into a conversation with a woman expecting to be rejected; remember the woman can read your body language too and expectations are soon realized.

I noticed that the successful men with women were usually the confident, joking, silly, happy, outgoing types. Not necessarily the good looking or intelligent guys.

To overcome my shyness required a year of work but it has payed off quite well. My method was to force myself to interact musically [guitar, harp] at any open mic nite around, with any and all types of musicians, of any sex. As my musical abilities increased, so did my selfconfidence; I was able to relax, enjoy the moment and interact with others on a level that I never dreamed possible. I began to attract women.

Find a passion, pursue it with people that also share your passion. The connections are bound to follow. I Promise!!

Speaking as a woman, I agree with Whaaa. If you're tense around us, we start getting uneasy. There may actually be nothing wrong with you, but your body language is making US twitchy!

And remember, a lot of us get faced with guys who want something in a size 6 and with beautiful blonde hair. But pretty girls have their pick of men, so they may simply give you "go away" signals because they've got a richer and more handsome target in mind -- they'd reject my husband in a heartbeat and go for the athletic-looking stud who's a real jerk.

So think about who you're approaching -- the ones who are pretty or the ones who are interesting. Try approaching women who seem to have something interesting to say -- or even approaching the quiet ones.

You're not likely to find them at athletic events unless they're with husbands or boyfriends. Try volunteering at a library a few hours per week or get involved with a play or with a museum. I'm not sure about church activities, but there should be singles groups of a similar religious affiliation that you'd feel comfortable with.

Lemme tell ya, the REAL curse for relationships is a high IQ in a woman (or being lesbian and having a high IQ.) I can't tell you how many guys I've scared off (who didn't take the time to find out that I'm actually a very gentle person, easily reasoned with (hubby and I have never had an argument in 34 years of marriage), and rather adventurous and fun-loving.)

Our daughter, who's lesbian, has all of the above problems plus the dating pool is rather tiny. I keep hoping, though.

Being 32 I am in litterally a no mans land as far as meeting people. Too often the people I am interested in allready have someone... I am starting to think they are saying that to stop me from trying.

My church is full of old people or young couples. Not much chance there.

The idea of asking someone out at a library, or bookstore terrifies me.

Go abroad and work!

In the US you are getting yourself in to a bad demigraphic - over 30 and single - in Asia this is when people start hooking up, they get hitched in their late 30's and have kids in their early 40's.

Also you are probally much more desirable to a foriegn girl. the words Green Card sure will put a jump in her boots!!

just an idea, and it dosen't have to be some Thai bar girl, there are lots of professional women who have maybe studied abroad themselves who prefer western attitudes towards life.

And remember Japanese women don't get fat or old!!

MonKey

Ok im gonna give it to you straight, you must simply be confident. The other thing yeah high maintenace chicks are nice but do you really want to get stuck with the repair bill, these particular woman are good for fun and that is about it. What you need to do is go to the mall and try to start a conversation with every single woman you see until you get over this fear of yours, and quit taking the rejection personally. I know that is a hard concept to grasp but it usually isn't anything personal. Now not seeing a picture of you it is quite apparent in your posts that you have serious self image problems and honestly until you address those you will get nowhere. One more thing quit looking calm down and be yourself, personality goes a long way.

J. Find a 12step meeting of somekind to attend. AA, NA, Overeater's, Adult Children of Alcoholics and get comfortable talking on an intimate level in a group setting. With just a little practice, you will feel comfortable with a one on one. And another thing, alot of women go to 12step meetings. Granted some of them got some baggage. We all do though, dont we.

You don't even have to participate, just use the program as way to interact with people and alleviate some of your shyness and selfconciousness. This works, I promise.

To the OP

Well you said you are good at reading body language, so.... next step is to approach the ones who are giving you inviting body language.

You know, the little sideways glances, the hair flips, licks her lips, twirls her foot at you, taps her thighs, cups her breasts, squats down so you can get a nice long look down her top, bends over and points her rear end at you....

I think a lot of shy guys see those things and they go, "Well it couldn't be THAT easy, could it???"

Sometimes, it IS that easy.

What's more difficult, I find, is dealing with the logistics issues. Like when you try to ask her out and you get the old "but my boyfriend wouldn't like that"....

See if The Tom Leykis show is on a local radio station where you live. Listen to it and live by it and your problems will vanish