Tonight: forced entry into my apartment, page 2

Earlier this year, at approx. 2 a.m., I heard the click of the front gate latch. Believing it was my husband returning home (he works nights) I remained at my desk (far end of the room) reading from the screen.

The front door was open half-way, as usual, for air-circulation. There is also an insect-screen, 'security door'. Guess you have them in the US too. They're aluminium mesh doors backed with insect screen. I had the little inside snib thing locked, although it wasn't key-locked. The outside porch-light was on .. it has a 100 watt bulb.

By now, I know without even thinking about it, how long it takes my husband to get from the gate to the front door. So even though I was concentrating on something on the screen, I realised he was taking too long. At that point, I turned from the screen and looked to the front door. In its half-open position, it provided a narrow glimpse. And sure enough .. there was someone at the door, although I couldn't see them at all clearly .. just a dark shape, giving indication of height. Tall.

I wasn't thinking clearly. My mind was still half concentrating on what I'd just been reading. Plus, I'm permanently sleep-lagged these days, courtesy of an apparent late-night internet addiction, It's the only excuse I can offer for wandering relaxedly towards the front door, no plan in mind. I used to be hyper-vigilant.

Anyway, it reached the point where I was looking directly at a young man who was staring directly at me. He had the advantage, considering he'd been there for a few minutes by that stage, with a clear view of the entire lower floor (typical open-plan townhouse) and of me sitting there at the desk.

So there we were, separated by an aluminium screen door. He made no attempt to run, even though he was fully illuminated by the porch light.

He was about 6' 2". Early 20's. Muscle and sinew. I imagine trying to fight him would be like wrestling with a big, strong, rubber band.

I'd decided at this point to slam the front door, which might make him take off. At very least it would put another barrier between he and myself and give me time to phone the police.

Before I could, though, he lunged at the screen-door handle and wrenched it hard. Adrenaline started to kick in, and I took a step towards him with a half formed plan to grab hold of the handle to stop him getting in.

But before I could get to it, he grabbed the handle again and wrenched it really hard. It still didn't open for him, which was surprising because the door's only aluminium, not steel or wood. He looked pretty surprised too.

Anyway, when he still couldn't wrench the door open, he gave me a look and turned on his heels and bolted. His sneakers made a squeak, he turned so hard. Then I heard the front gate slam.

I was pretty perplexed for a moment or two. Who was he and why the hell had he chosen our place was my first thought. Then I ran upstairs and looked out of the front window to see if I could spot him. Too many trees in the way.

Went to my adult daughter's room and hissed to her that someone had tried to break in. Then ran downstairs, with her following me.

I felt a lot braver now someone was with me. Ran to the front gate and then out onto the pathway to see if the guy was still around. Saw a shape running from another front door to the gate. Then a light came on inside the other place. Heard a car start and then a squeal of tyres from the little private road about 30 metres away.

By then, my daughter was demanding to know what was going on. So we went back inside and I told her. Ten minutes later, we heard the front gate latch again, and my husband came up the path.

By the time I'd told him what had happened and had made coffee for him, etc., it seemed too late to phone the police.

Next day I briefly told an elderly neighbour and warned her to be sure to keep her windows locked. Then, basically I told myself not to make a big deal of it in my mind .. it had just been a random opportunist.

Few days later, a young couple from across the way came by after dark. They'd heard about the man who'd tried to force his way in and wondered if I could give them any further information. They'd been robbed earlier that day, they said, while they were at work. Someone had cut through the insect screen and smashed a window to get in.

A week later, they came back to say the culprit had been located .. a female who .. incredibly .. had broken-in mid-afternoon. Our place is diagonally opposite and there are numerous other people who're at home all day. Yet I'd seen nothing and nor had anyone else, apparently. Hard to believe.

Don't know if the two separate incidents (at our place and the place which was actually robbed) were related or not. We live in a little Pollyanna-type complex a few kilometres from Sydney CBD. It's comprised of multi-storey apartment blocks, two-level townhouses (ours being one) and one-level villas, interspersed with parks, garden-walkways, pools, gym, play-areas, etc. Private road entry and private roads throughout. No noise, no louts, no traffic and few problems, as a rule. Well lit. Lots of families and retired people, fences, neatness. There have only been a few incidents in the seven or so years we've lived here.

I'm not a total idiot, even though I must sound like it for leaving the front door open. But most things in life are a calculated risk anyway and I like fresh air and like feeling free. Don't like the idea of being locked in, in seige mode, while the self-appointed bad-guys prowl around and 'in control'.

Ok, it could have turned out to be ugly. And even though yes, I'm sure if you really put your mind to it you could get hold of a gun here .. they'd lock you up and throw away the key if you used it on anyone, even if they had forced their way into your home. So guns aren't really an option.

I still have the doors open at night, although since the incident I try to remember to key-lock the front one (bit hard with the cats coming in and out .. not our cats by the way .. we just feed and care for them). I keep the front light on. And I tell myself that if anyone did force their way in, they'd be damn lucky to get out. Because I would do my damndest to rip something off them .. a finger, an eyeball, a testicle .. something which they'd be sorry to lose and which would identify them even if I died in the skirmish.

Attitude is a big part of getting through life, I believe. Sometimes it's all we have. And I remember reading somewhere that no matter how young or tough you might be, you'd be a fool to get in a fight with an 'old guy' because they fight to win, no holds barred. And I think that should include 'old girls' as well, maybe even more so.

One last thing. I read somewhere else that females who were tomboys when young, or who've been subjected to physical abuse, stand a far better chance of surviving an attack because they've familiar with violence or at least with physical contact/combat and aren't afraid to fight or to be hurt. I believe that's correct, based in experience. And logic suggests the same goes for boys/men.

Earlier, a poster advised providing children with martial-arts training. I did enrol my children in martial-arts class, but they and 3/4 of the kids quit, saying the guy who ran the school was a psycho. Personally, I believe my kids should have stuck it out, because at very least, it would or should have provided them with some close physical contact and familiarised them with physical aggression. But .. their choice.

I have no martial arts or other training. But I do have life experience and have survived physical violence on occasion. And I know that even though punches, even stout sticks etc. do hurt ... you don't feel it as severely as might be imagined .. at the time. In other words, you can survive a much more severe attack than might generally be believed and still think clearly and work to save yourself. The first wave of pain numbs you to the rest, in my experience. It's not to be as feared as you might think. It's the fear itself that's to be feared. It's worse than the physical pain and is what will disable you.

An attacker will try to dominate you with noise, shouting, violence or threats of violence. That's their main weapon quite often and what they use to control and force you to obedience. So shout back .. top of your lungs. Roar. Take back your power. Smash the windows. Smash the walls. Make huge noise. Don't keep still. Go ape .. literally. Every single part of your body is a potential weapon. So feel your power and magnify it. Get bigger. Go wild. Go insane and don't be afraid to look it. I once saved myself by hurling a bowl of fruit through a window and out onto the street below and used the distraction to run. Do the unexpected. In a house-invasion/break-in in particular, you stand a very good chance of convincing the attacker that you're a lot more of a problem than a few stolen items are worth -- particularly if you live in a residential neighbourhood. If you live in isolation then sure .. have some real weapons handy and mean to use them.

Visualising yourself handling a situation will help programme you to react automatically in the event of a real attack. Visualise yourself as someone who is strong, resourceful, fearless, competent .. and unpredictable. By all means, back that up with unarmed-combat, martial-arts or other training if you feel inclined. Most of all, I think most of us have to get over being afraid of actually hurting/striking others .. meaning those who end up being our attackers. And of course, take sensible precautions and safeguard yourself (lol .. keep your doors locked for instance).