Obesity and Burglers/Lawyers

(Two separate rants)

OBESITY
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There are no obese lions.

There are no obese mongooses (mongeese?).

There are no obese caterpillars.

There aren't any obese animals because they would die. An animal would only get obese because it was broken. Broken animals die.

I will let you infer my point because I don't want to cross any lines.



Okay I'll just say it:

There is no point to hoisting a 1200-pound man on a crane from his 2nd story window because he is too huge to sit up in bed. He is broken. Let him die so that he can't reproduce - his obesity might be genetically linked.

In my opinion, the only genetic link is his mom who doesn't have the heart to stop bringing him 200 Twinkies a day.



BURGLERS/LAWYERS
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What a conundrum.

If someone breaks into your house and slips on your kid's roller skate that got left on the stairs, you stand the chance of getting sued.

So what do you do when you find the broken-legged burgler at the bottom of your stairs?

Call the cops? Only if you want to flush your life down the toilet!

You have to kill him.

Ohhhhhhh wait.... now his family is going to sue you for unlawful death. Now you have to kill his entire family and bury them in the desert with the remains of the Manson Family.

Thank you very much for enlightening us with your infinite wisdom lawyers! Thank you for making this country a better place! Thank you for sticking up for butt-holes who want to sue me when they break their leg while attempting to kidnap my kids in their sleep.

I pronounce today to be "Kill Two Lawyers and Their Families Day."