Help Severly Needed From Those Practicing

i was hoping i might ask a few fellow practitioners to coalesce energy towards something very good, and very needed. my wife and i are getting a divorce, and are in a custody battle. her parental philosophy has left her oldest son incredibly violent and kicked out of 4 schools in 5 years. hes 13, and she lets him drink, *SNIP*, and buys him porn. i do not want this for my 3 year old, and am in the middle of this battle for that purpose. however, our judge is a bit of an old southern type, and i am the opposite. i was going to ask for any help/energy/working others might choose to add to the energy im putting towards this end (me winning this custody battle). any help and/or suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

See Below for more details on why this would be good rather than not so good (its not going against the will of another, or good). this is an essay i did for an entry-level college course, but since then, she has brought up paranoia and agoraphobia as reasons for me not to gain custody...

A New Beginning:
How I Woke Up From My Favorite Nightmare

My entire life, I have wanted only two things: love and happiness. Four years ago, I believed that I had found them both. My wife, Missy, was the light of my life. I adored her in every way imaginable, and was never shy about telling her so. I always asked how her day was, and rubbed her neck and back daily without exception. A year after we were married, a new light brighter and warmer than I'd imagined possible, graced my life with his presence. We named this precious joy Derek Franklin, and he was everything I'd ever dreamed of. In the euphoric state of spending my days with him, I never stopped to notice the road my love concerning his mother was a one way street. I knew I'd go through hell to be with my son. Standing where I am today, I can't say for sure that I didn't. It was worth every second though, for I've made it out, with him by my side.
Now before I seem as if I'm being a bit dramatic, let me give you a glimpse into this situation I label hell. The first thing you must understand is that I’m very much a romantic. I have a heart of gold, but I wear it on my sleeve. This has brought me so many tears these last four years, but it’s my nature, not my choice. When she would leave me at the house for days at a time while she partied and stayed in hotels, ripping me apart. We drove by McDonald’s once, and she said “I had sex with a guy in that playland”. From that day on, every time I saw that playland, my heart broke a little more. There were several similar sexual stories repeated many times throughout our marriage. I knew she’d been with other people, but that didn’t mean I wanted to hear about it. She would buy beer I wasn’t allowed to touch, because it was for her 15 year old nephews. Her oldest son, age 13, punched me in the face regularly, and threatened me with knives. When I would say something to try to correct this behavior, I would get yelled at and threatened with divorce for making him mad. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard “I hate you! I’m cheating on you!” “Please go kill yourself” was even added in periodically, for good measure. She systematically made everything I said irrelevant. I would ground our 13 year old from his television, she would respond by taking him to the movies. I say no vicious dogs, and we get a pit bull the next day. She got him a 4-wheeler a day after he threatened to assault his teacher! I was raised to believe that respect is essential, and for four years, I had none. This hell intensified toward the end of our marriage, when I was asked to not mind her having a 70 year old sugar daddy. From what she told me, she was always promising him sex, but never delivered. After he gave her $70,000 dollars, I questioned her truthfulness, but still remained faithful to her and our marriage. I adored her. She abhorred me.

UPDATE: The Discussion Of "Illegal Activity" On The Above Network Sites (ATS, BTS, AP).

[edit on 12-10-2007 by DontTreadOnMe]

Why, you ask, would I put up with this situation? His name is Derek Franklin Benefield. My son is my best friend, the love of my life. For months after he was born, I’d stay up with my hand on his chest, following his every breath. I was so afraid something terrible would happen. In our marriage, the typical husband and wife roles were reversed. I stayed home taking care of the kids and cleaning the house, and she went to work. Every morning I’d wake up with Derek, we’d watch cartoons, water the peppers in the garden, anything to make him happy. We did everything together. I would teach him about the moon and stars, and he would teach me how to smile again. When I would begin to consider the possibility of getting a divorce, all I could think about was not waking up next to him every morning. I was willing to put myself through anything to make sure he was by my side.
For better or worse, my desire to hold on to our marriage and my children was soon to be irrelevant. Missy decided she’d rather have several boyfriends, and gave me a week to get out. She voiced her desire for me to end my life one last time, grabbed the kids, and left. I was not about to let her ruin the life of my 4 year old, as she probably has her child of 13 years. He has been kicked out of 3 schools in 4 years, and gets detention no less than once per week. He’s been taught that conscience isn’t manly, that fighting is the answer to everything. Derek doesn’t deserve this, and wouldn’t even approach it under my supervision. I was taught that doing the right thing is of utmost importance, and the only reason ever needed for doing it. Respect, compassion, and understanding are my lessons. Her lessons can be seen through the anal pornography she finds appropriate to buy our 13 year old. “He’ll get it anyway”, she rationalizes, while wondering why he doesn’t respect her. When I picked up my son, he had several severe burns on his hand, arms, legs, and back. I really don’t know what to think about this, or the fact that he attributes them to his mother’s boyfriend. My mind was made up. I was not about to watch the life of my most precious companion go down the drain because of the immaturity of his mother. I began to take notes on everything that had happened over these last 4 years of pain and turmoil.
This is a battle I never wanted. I did everything I could to avoid it, but for the future of my son, it must be waged. I turned over my information to my lawyer, and was told to be expecting a call from the judge to testify. It wasn’t the judge that called, but my lawyer. Apparently after what she heard, the judge was gracious enough to not even require my testimony. The order was handed down. I had complete temporary custody of my son. His mother had no visitation rights, a fact that compelled her to threaten my life in a later telephone conversation. In the last 4 years, I have gone through the worst times in my life. I’ve also gone through the best. I will find out August 2 if these heavenly moments are to continue. I pray to God that they are. The first battle has been decided, but the war is far from over. I fight for the future of the most beautiful soul I have ever known.


Anyway, sorry it was so long, but i dont want people thinking this may be a bad thing to do... its not. I thank you for your time, concern, and/or effort.

EclecticFrank

reply to post by EclecticFrank


Jeez, that sounds like Hell!!! I feel for you, sir! Unfortunately, my luck is just as bad, so I have no good advice. But I will pray for you, and I hope things work for you!

What "practictioners" are you referring to? Or are you just asking for anyone to will you to win?

It sounds like there are about 9 to 1 odds that you are going to win your case anyway.

I am so sorry for what you have been through and I wish you all the best.
No magic wands here my friend, unfortunately.
I truly empathise and hope things work out for the best - for all of you.

I don't really want to "sell my soul to satan" (lol) to win or anything, but any positive help would be good. If we were in a fair court, yes, I would absolutely win. Unfortunately, this is in West Virginia, and she had the hearing moved from a city court to a BFE court where she and her family have connections. The guardian ad litem seems to be fair, but my agoraphobia doesn't help the situation with him either. As I said, any help would be greatly appreciated...

The only suggestions I have are to try to get some sort of witness to give a statement regarding how she treats the 13 year old. If you can prove that she is an unfit mother, she has her work cut out for her. She seems like the type that wouldn't want to keep going to court as well. With what you have stated, I don't see how she could win, but if she does, keep appealing. There is no lmit to how long or how many times you are allowed to appeal for custody. I really do feel for you. I separated from my wife of 5 years and she has my son in South Carolina. I live in Colorado.


Just remember, the members of ATS are here for you and will help in any way we can!

reply to post by EclecticFrank

I will find out August 2 if these heavenly moments are to continue.

My friend, are you saying this goes to court 2 August of next year? Anyway I'm sending you what positive engery I can at this time. I'm wondering as to why you did not press charges against her for providing alchohol and pornagraphy to your underage son. Theres also the burn marks on his hands. That's nothing but chid abuse, but I'm sure you have your reasons.

Peace be yours.

My friend, are you saying this goes to court 2 August of next year? Anyway I'm sending you what positive engery I can at this time. I'm wondering as to why you did not press charges against her for providing alchohol and pornagraphy to your underage son. Theres also the burn marks on his hands. That's nothing but chid abuse, but I'm sure you have your reasons.

aug 2 of this year... thats when the new judge reversed me having full immediate custody. as for pressing charges, 1) she was my wife, and love causes one to allow strange things and 2) the 13 year old is from a previous marriage of hers... i didnt have any authority in the house, much less authority over him. i di turn her in as soon as i saw the burns on my son. our next court date is whenever cps and the guardian ad litem finish their investigations...

your help, thoughts, energy, and advice are much appreciated... thanks so much...

[edit on 10/10/2007 by EclecticFrank]

[edit on 10/10/2007 by EclecticFrank]

reply to post by EclecticFrank

"aug 2 of this year...,the 13 year old is from a previous marriage of hers..."

Ahh, I understand now, thank you. Life in a black and white world can be so difficult when the rules are in gray aren't they? Have you reached out for assistance to any local church or other organizations beside the lawyer to help in this fight? I understand there are several churches and such that help when it comes to custody battles and outright adoptions too.

Just my thoughts, best wishes again.

I feel sorry for your situation. I am no expert in divorce law, but from what I have heard the odds are stacked against fathers in divorce courts. Even if your ex-wife shows up in court spinning from crack, covered in somebody else's blood, chances are she will win the case.