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This topic is in the Short Stories discussion forum.  (rss)


(sssc) "I've come for you."




Topic started on 5-10-2007 @ 09:26 PM by intrepid


”I’ve Come For You”

6:30- Jimmy was playing with his Lego by the front window. The snow was driving against the window, snow and wind shaking the pane. He looked out and the Murphy’s house across the street, it disappeared in the flakes. Then returned. He heard his father behind him, listening to the hockey pregame show. This night was special, Jimmy knew. He had to be especially quiet. Daddy had started drinking early today. It was always bad when Daddy was drinking the liquid from the crown shaped bottle. And his hockey team was playing the “God Damn Bruins.” He only hated the “God Damn Leafs” worse. He hoped that Daddy’s team won. It was better that way.

This is why Mommy left. Jimmy never wondered why she had but he wondered why she had left him here? “Cuff upside the head” had become the norm. Why?

7:10- “Jimmy. Time for bed.”

“OK, Daddy.”

Jimmy gathered up his Lego and went down the hall to his room. He heard the announcers begin the game. He turned the light on and placed his toys where they belonged. Putting his pajamas on he thought that it would be nice if Daddy would take him for breakfast tomorrow. Not likely though.

Jimmy turned the light off, got in bed and pulled up the sheets. His nightlight was keeping the night at bay. There was a window that played the snow orchestra but Jimmy didn’t care. Snow was just an annoyance. He nodded off, thinking about tomorrow.

“I’ve come for you.” Jimmy heard. He opened his eyes and saw a cat, a HUGE cat, nothing like he had ever seen before. The size of McWynn’s dog and it was not a small dog. It’s smile reached it’s eyes. It’s claws were loooooooong. It creeped up onto the bed. “I’ve come for you Jimmy.”

8:20- Jimmy screamed and raced out of his room. “Daddy, there’s a monster in my room.”

“God damn it boy, you know there isn’t anything like monsters.” His hand swept out and grazed Jimmy’s head. Jimmy knew better than to duck. It would only be worse. “Daddy, please. Will you look in my room?”

Daddy got up and stumbled a little. Went down the hall and looked in Jimmy’s room. “What’s your problem boy?” “Nothing here but toys and dolls. Get your ass to bed NOW before I make your life hard. The 2nd period is starting and I don’t want to hear anymore of this #.” He stumbled back to the living room.

Jimmy went back to bed. He heard the play by play. Daddy’s team was doing well. A good thing. “I’ve come for you.” Jimmy heard. He opened his eyes and saw the cat again. HUGE claws. Huge grin. Jimmy closed his eyes. He knew that going out to Daddy again would be painful, what was this thing going to do to him? Jimmy shivered and said, “I’m tired.” And laid back down. The cat crept up to Jimmy and laid next to him, his talons shreading the cloth on the bed. NOT touching the child. It purred. Jimmy shivered.

12:10- TV- Burma is close to civil war. Daddy shakes off the booze. “Burma? Who gives a #?” He lurches down the hallway to his bedroom when he sees that Jimmy’s nightlight is out. Damn odd. That kid NEEDS that light. “What the hell is this kid pulling?”

Daddy pushed the door open and saw....... nothing. The room was dark. “Are you awake Jimmy?”

“Yes Daddy.”

“Turn the light on.”

“OK Daddy.” Jimmy turned his bed table light on. The room came into view for the father but he felt uneasy. Jimmy didn’t seem to be the kid that he knew. He stepped into the room to “cuff” the kid but a look in Jimmy’s eye stopped him. “Daddy. She came for me.”

“What?”

Jimmy pointed to the back corner of the room. As Daddy turned a mass of muscle and talons landed on him. The last thing Daddy saw was claws.

Fin.



I'm a little rusty. I hope you enjoyed that.

[edit on 6-10-2007 by intrepid]



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reply posted on 6-10-2007 @ 10:56 PM by elaine


Creepy story Intrepid. Cats can be one of the scariest animals to put in a story!
I like the way you have the cat getting revenge for "little Jimmy".



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reply posted on 7-10-2007 @ 01:16 AM by antar


I loved it! The way you lead up then described the cat couldn't have been scarier....

Happy Halloween, and you are not rusty.



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reply posted on 7-10-2007 @ 06:23 AM by roswell1


cool. black cat, classic.

really good story, hope theres more to come.



Roswell.



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reply posted on 8-10-2007 @ 03:45 PM by Essedarius


Originally posted by intrepid
It was always bad when Daddy was drinking the liquid from the crown shaped bottle. And his hockey team was playing the “God Damn Bruins.” He only hated the “God Damn Leafs” worse.


Nice...a couple lines that define that character thoroughly. As soon as I read that I thought yeah...I know that guy.



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reply posted on 8-10-2007 @ 06:26 PM by zysin5


reply to post by intrepid



Took me a couple days but I finally got to you're story intrepid!

I guess that will make those with kids think twice before they tell their kids there are no such thing as monsters! Dad found out first hand, or should I say first talon!!

Nice and scary story intrepid



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reply posted on 26-10-2007 @ 12:51 PM by ChiKeyMonKey


What could be better after a few drinks and a game, than a big hairy pus.....

I liked it, probally for the wrong reason! Made me chukkle...

Monkey



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reply posted on 30-10-2007 @ 10:26 AM by antar


Just wanted to stop in and lend my support for your great Short Story! I will be reading it to the kids on Halloween night, oh yeah there will be scared little faces for sure,

Happy halloween



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reply posted on 31-10-2007 @ 08:28 PM by worldwatcher


Intreprid you get my boys vote for best story. They loved it but they wanted to know what happened to the boy after Dad's demise. Nicely written, easy and fun read.



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reply posted on 1-11-2007 @ 12:46 PM by intrepid


Originally posted by worldwatcher
Intreprid you get my boys vote for best story. They loved it but they wanted to know what happened to the boy after Dad's demise. Nicely written, easy and fun read.


For the boys? A happy ending. Children Services take him in and reunite him with Mommy.



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reply posted on 19-12-2007 @ 03:30 PM by cavscout


Nice.

Didnt see the father's death till it happened.



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reply posted on 14-9-2009 @ 06:02 PM by jackflap


Isn't it great to serve justice to jerks that deserve it, even if it is fictional? I believe I would have had him suffer a bit before it ended his miserable existence. Very cool story and good for Jimmy that he found such a mysterious ally. Another long deserved star and flag.



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