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Losing a Parent While Young...

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posted on Sep, 29 2007 @ 01:08 AM
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I didn't know where to put this, so feel free to move it if this is the wrong location.

I was just wondering if anyone else lost a parent in their childhood years? My father died in a plane crash when I was 15, back in 1989.

That was a long time ago, I know, but lately it's been gnawing at me more and more. I've had recurring dreams of him and such on a regular basis lately. I think I feel worse about it now that I did even just a few years after it happened. I guess in the late teens you feel like you don't need anyone, but now I feel like I'd love to have my father here to talk to for advice and stuff.

I know I'm kind of rambling on here, and I don't know really what the point here is, but I guess I was wondering if anyone had similar experience?




posted on Sep, 29 2007 @ 05:19 AM
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I had a similar experience...lost my dad to cancer when I was 10 years old.He had been sick for 3 years, in and out of the hospital,completely bedridden for all of it as it was bone cancer in his hip,and leg.I would come home from school between the ages of 8-9 and look after him while my mom was at work.
That was very hard.
I was daddy's little girl and we had great times together.When he passed away a big piece of my heart went with him that I will never get back.
I also lost my mother to cancer when I was 22.Too young to be without parents, and I had no siblings.
Unfortunately because I was so young, some of my memories of my dad have been lost over the years.And my mom and I never really connected the way a mother and daughter should.I pretty much raised myself.
Sometimes I think about them, like when I get hit by a memory trigger around the holidays, or look at old photos.But my memories are painful and I try to avoid them.



posted on Sep, 29 2007 @ 06:08 AM
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I am so sorry, Djohn, and i understand. My father was fit and fine and i was 18. He came home from work and i said we should order out and get some pizzas and subs. He told me what he wanted. A meatball sub- I went on my merry way to get it and when i returned with the goodies, my father had suffered a massive cerebral hemorrage and was being carried out by ambulance. He died the next day.
Its been many years and i wonder why i never got to say goodbye to him, and why things happened the way they did.


I long for him and i do feel him around me- He was the love of my life.

Just writing about it makes me very sad. I'll never get over it.:shk:



posted on Sep, 29 2007 @ 10:22 AM
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When I was 10 I came home from school to be told my dad was dead. He had committed suicide that day and left me fatherless.
I was gutted. I stopped talking for a month, ate about once a week and was generally down (as you would expect).

Now nine years on I still miss him and love him but I am constantly angry when I think about him. How can a father feel his life is so bad he should leave their only son during the time they are needed most?



posted on Oct, 5 2007 @ 09:31 AM
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My Bro (Onikage) and I lost our mother 12 years ago, I was 22 and my Brother was 7 when she died. I miss her every day, and I have never fully got over it. The only good think to come out of it was the bond my Bro and I developed.
I know its been a long time but have you thought of grievance counselling, it may help get out some of those pent up frustrations about losing someone so close.

[edit on 5-10-2007 by Kurokage]



posted on Oct, 5 2007 @ 09:41 AM
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Sorry to hear that Dj, especially when you lose a parent so suddenly like that. Here today, gone tomorrow. Man, I thank God that didn't happen to me.

I've often wondered to myself about how such an event would have impacted me, and I tell you, it would have been pretty unbearable.

Talking about your feelings always help. When you keep that stuff inside it'll eat you up.

Peace



posted on Oct, 5 2007 @ 05:27 PM
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About 13 years ago my best friend shot himself. I didnt deal with it like everyone else did. I couldnt cry, although I did later, and still do.
Since then two other close friends have died both while on a motorcycle.
I didnt go to their funerals, and pretty much tried to just brush it off with a sigh and know that I always have the great memories of knowing them.

Its really tough, and I try not to think about losing a parent. But even when they go somewhere I fear their could be an accident or somthing.
Just bear down man and know that its part of your growing process.
In an unfair way you will become a better person. I know because Im just now trying to live my life again!



posted on Oct, 7 2007 @ 08:30 PM
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djohnsto77,dgtempe,AccessDenied, Jack,

Tears for you all....

I am no wimp.
By any means. Alpha all the way. But...
I lost both parents early. Won't go into details just now.
Then I lost my best friend a few years ago.
He went into the hospital cause "he didn't feel right". (it was a rare type of pneumonia)
The nurses pumped him so full of antibiotics of different kinds that his heart 'exploded'. He was gone within 4 days of entering hospital. He was 37. He left two boys. One is so withdrawn, he can barely go to school.
Lost another friend at about the same time. He had severe back pain that no doctor could cure and his wife said was in 'his head'. He waited for his kids to get on the bus one day, got into his 4x4, and blew his brains out. He was 39. His daughter just looks lost and 'empty' even today.
I grieve for these kids. They look so lost. I wish I could help them, but they are so withdrawn from the world.
When I lost my mom, I would wake up at night trying to get enough air. I thought I was suffocating. I didn't even know what it was. Panic attacks, I guess.
I am better now. And you will be too.
You go dead for awhile.
It takes time but you will return to the living.
But it still hurts.
I have tears now for you all.
It will always hurt, but you will survive.
Time heals, but slowly.
Your Dads loved you in their own way.
Just know that.
Closure comes when you make it come.
But we miss them just the same.
Peace.







[edit on 7-10-2007 by Alexander the o.k.]



posted on Oct, 8 2007 @ 02:59 AM
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Yes, mother, due to murder when I was in my late teens.
I have the dreams/nightmares of connecting with them often...dies and or dissapears and then comes back. Other times I feel the dreams are a main connection.

It's a hard way to deal, of course not everyone has been through this at a young age, but it's go to be there for each other, family, friends and other people with loss as such.

A good way to keep your love/d one/s alive is always have them in memory, talk of them and share the love they brought to the world.



posted on Oct, 8 2007 @ 03:05 AM
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Wow, a lot of similar experiences. I extend mine condolences to those of you as well.

And thank you all for responding in such a kind a way. That's why I love this community.



posted on Oct, 8 2007 @ 09:14 AM
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[edit on 8-10-2007 by SpeakerofTruth]



posted on Oct, 8 2007 @ 09:19 AM
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My father passed away Sept 19 of 2004. No sooner had he passed, and I lost my mother on March 3, 2005... It was pretty traumatic. While I am sure it is painful to lose a parent at a young age, I am not so sure it is more painful than losing one or both later in life. The longer your parents are around, the greater the bond becomes. I also have many dreams about my parents, particularly my father. There is not a day that goes by that I do not think about my mother and father both.



posted on Oct, 8 2007 @ 02:20 PM
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Gosh all i really do feel for you all, Though i have not lost my mother or father i have lost many who where close to me at a young age,

I lost my boyfriend and the young age of 17, He and 4 friends where killed in his car, He had been out for the night with mates and took a drink more than he should have before driving, I decided that night not to go with them, If i had then i would have also been killed,

Sometimes that thought makes me feel guilty, We where at the falling in love stage of our relationship so i was left to live with the What ifs..

I was Angry at him for dtinking and killing himself, To this day i struggle with it, To think that it could have been prevented,


My heart goes out to all of you,



posted on Oct, 10 2007 @ 05:48 AM
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We all seem to have some very harrowing and heartfelt stories to tell, but I think by sharing them we at least understand that we are not alone and someone out there feels the same way we do.
My dear Asala, it sounds like you've also had some tough times.
I lost a very good friend two years after my Mom died, I live in a shared house and he was the younger Brother of my housemate. After about six months he got mixed up with the wrong type of "friends", he was getting into a lot of trouble with the old bill and bringing this trouble to our doorstep, so we decided to ask him to leave. He got himself a flat locally, we helped him decorate and get a TV and stuff, He started to sort himself out. It was close to his 23rd Birthday and he liked tropical fish so we invited him round to stay the night, it was a friday so we thought we'd have a few beers, a meal and then in the morning we would go into B'ham and buy him a tank. He never arrived, he had been drinking heavly with old "friends", he was diabetic and later on, on that friday night collapsed in to a coma and died. For years afterwards my housemate felt guilty, he kept saying "If I had only popped round to see him". I think we all feel those emotions of guilt and anger from time to time. we all feel, if I had done this or done that differently then they could still be alive. We have to try and let go of those negative feelings and consentrate on the good things in a persons life and not there death.
Mt thoughts are with you all.



posted on Oct, 10 2007 @ 08:41 AM
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My father died when I was 12. We were living in different countries and hadn't seen each other in 3 years. Only spoke on the phone on special occassions.. Prior to that, we only saw each other on "special occassions".

Yes he's my father in the biological sense, but due to choices my parents made together, I can't say I recall him being a "father figure" to me. He was more like one of my many uncles. Our relationship throughout my childhood wasn't all that it could have been, but I have always thought that one day it wouldn't be that way, when I had control of my life to be able to do so...

When he died, I think he made an attempt to say goodbye to me through space and time. It was one of the most impacting moments in my life, and while I don't grieve over his death, I do find myself thinking about him and all the what if's and whether or not he would have been proud of or approved of me the way I am today.

Yes it's sad to lose a parent to death at a young age, but sometimes it's harder when you lose them while they're still alive.



posted on Oct, 15 2007 @ 02:59 PM
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I'm 20 and last july two soldiers came to the door early in the morning to tell us my step-father had suffered a massive heart attack while doing physical tests. He was in perfect health, had no cholesterol and didn't drink or smoke. He died the following day.

I had already suffered a lot throughout my adolescence but little did I know...

Life will never be the same.



posted on Oct, 15 2007 @ 06:52 PM
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Lost Dad in 1976. I was 7.
Lost my older brother in 1982 (He flipped over an M1 Tank!) I was 13.
Lost Mom in 1997, I was 28.

Lost friends in...

1985
1986
1987
1989
1992
94
99
06
07

People die. It's inevitable. Being from a LARGE Irish family, I lose family members every year.
It helps me to think that they feel so much better than they did.
So will I someday.
Dad was sick for a short time, Mom was sick for a LONG time. My brother, the Marine, died quickly. I doesn't matter how. The end result is the same.
I look at being depressed/grieving from a loved one dying as a time of very intense selfishness. It's the fact that YOU will never see them until it's your time too. No sweat. Ya need to grieve, ya grieve. But life goes on and so must you.

Odd, this is the second time today I've posted my feelings on dying.

Cuhail



posted on Oct, 15 2007 @ 07:12 PM
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When I was 16, I had to deal with the death of my step-father. I lived with him and my mother since I was a baby, so he was just as much of a father to me, as was my biological father.

I can remember that night as if it was yesterday. I awoke to a blood curdling scream at about 2:30am. My mother was screaming his name, over and over. Then she began to scream my name. Initially, I had thought my cat was dying, and I didn't want to see it. So I didn't move. Then the screams continued, and it got worse. So I jumped up, and just outside my bedroom door, I found my step-father unconscious on the floor. Without thinking, I dove to the floor and tried to do whatever I could. I don't remember calling 911, but I can remember being on the phone with them and performing CPR. What seemed like hours later, the ambulance arrived and quickly took over.

I joined my mother in the living room, and we listened to them use the defibrillator over and over. Feeling hopeless, I went to the doorway and I seen this gray body, laying lifeless. They did manage to get a heart beat back, and they quickly rushed him to the hospital.

I spent the next week on his bed side, as he rested in a coma. Every time his eyes flickered, I rushed to the doctors only to be reminded that it was common. Seven days later with his kidneys and liver failing, and his body being poisoned, bed sores from head to toe, and confirmation that he had gone an extended period of time without oxygen, it was decided that the medication keeping him alive would be stopped, and the machines turned off. Even if we continued down this path, his body would of been poisoned within the week.

We were all called into the room, and we watched that color of gray return. Words can not describe watching the life exit a body. It's been over five years, and I can still vividly remember it. I watched him die twice, and even today I find it very difficult to think about it.

What had happened that night at home was a massive heart attack. He had the heart attack in bed, but did not want to die in the bed next to my mother. So he managed to get out of the bed, and as he went to the kitchen, he collapsed to the floor. All of this after beating cancer four months earlier.

I remember going back to the house, for the first time after it happened. And there was a large blood stain on the kitchen floor, from where he had hit his head. I turned around and left, and never went back to the house. We had no choice but to move out. I could never go back into that house after going through such an episode.

The death of a loved one is never easy. But having to deal with it at such a young age, it's not right. It took me a long time to effectively think about what had happened, and even more to be able to talk about it. After two years, I would still break into tears without notice.

My biological father, whom I have always very close with, lost his father when he was eight. A die hard hockey fan, he died of a heart attack twenty minutes after his team won the Stanley Cup. He was only 38.



posted on Oct, 17 2007 @ 08:54 PM
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I lost my father when I was 5 years old, youngest out of 5, didnt really know him, but it did put a scar on my life, ( if he had lived would be the way I am today), or would he have disowned me. (Knows he didnt even want me when I was born anyways).

At the age of 15, I was contacted by one of those, agencies who look for long lost relatives. The guy who was looking for long lost relatives was the same name as my fathers, born in the same year as my father. Of course this sent me off the scale, came close to me loosing my family all together. Turned out It wasnot my father.

I know where he is burried, found out after, persistently buggin my mother and my aunties. Although I have not went and visited his grave, after what he put my mother and the rest of us through. (I read the divorce papers), My mother didnt know I had.

Although I visit his sisters and his mother grave from time to time. I stil have not built up the courage to go and visit his grave, (do not know either to spit on it or to grieve).



[edit on 17-10-2007 by spencerjohnstone]



posted on Feb, 19 2009 @ 11:31 AM
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my heart goes out to all of u...
death is a part of life, and despite knowing that one day we all will die, we still fear it...and thts obvious bcuz we're scared abt how we'l die, what wil happen, hw our soul will exit this body...i belong to a huge family and have seen lot of deaths recently...and i consoled myself sayin, they are better off than in this world (due to illness)....

bt recently my best friend lost his father..and i cant even come to think of how HE would be feeling... cuz i myself am in such a shock; denial, with him loosing his father, i feel ive lost a part of myself too...i cannot begin to imagine what decisions he would have to face with his family...and i dnt knw how to console him...one doesn't really even think of loosin a parent at such a young age...! im so very sad, but what this whole thing makes me realize is that people are special...and many a times we take our own family and friends fr granted without realizing we could loose them in a blink of an eye...!

im just praying for his soul to be in rest, and however difficult this may be for my friend, im not goin to give up...!

cheers to evryone for being so strong over the years..



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