posted on Sep, 27 2007 @ 05:18 PM
I come from a very mentally and emotionally abusive relationship. I had PTSD when I left. He was careful never to hit me, but that doesn't make any
difference. The mental scars take far longer to heal than the physical ones.
If he HAD hit me, I wouldn't have to face him day after day. We got stuck with a daily child visitation schedule. For a long time he used the
exchanges to intimidate me, and I often went home and had panic attacks afterward.
But the courts don't recognize emotional abuse as DV, and I've been treated as if I'm making up things just to get custody of the kids. I'm
concerned about their safety with him. I've always been the caretaker, on call 24/7. he abandoned us for his girlfriend most of the time when I was
pregnant with our son, and now he fights for custody.
Our divorce has been called high-conflict, but not only that, our judge says it's one of the worst of the worst. The statistics show that at least
70% of high conflict divorces are caused by domestic violence in the marriage, carrying over into fighting for the children. The mother wants to
protect them, the abusive father knows this, and he fights for the children in an effort to hurt her.
I know it works; it's been 18 months and we're still fighting it out. The only reason an end is in sight for us is that the court finally ordered us
to a custody evaluation. And even that, I'm not sure is going well for the children or for me.
Abusive men tend to file for custody much more often than non-abusers. The worst ones fight hard and long, and usually end up with partial or full
custody over 70% of the time.
The statistics also show that a man who abuses his wife in any way is much more likely to abuse his children, including sexually. Because for them
it's about control, not love. They just call it love because that's all they know.
so, yeah, I don't want to see my abuser daily anymore. And I have no choice. I could tell stories about the mean and twisted things he's said and
done to our daughter to upset me all day long, but I don't want to clog up the thread.
Worst of all, the worst of these manipulative abusive types are also pathological liars, and very convincing. So they come across in the court, in
mediation or an evaluation as emotionally stable and "wronged" and the emotionally damaged, frightened mother as "hysterical" and "vengeful."
Hooray for stereotypes.
The only places in the country where emotional and psychological abuse are NOT considered domestic violence is in the courts. I get services at a
domestic violence center because they don't discriminate about which is worse, physical or emotional violence.
Violence is violence. And telling someone she wasn't abused is just blaming the victim, just like they did to rape victims prior to the mid 20th