Not sure what to do with the gf

Not sure what to do…
First off, I’m 17 years old going on 18 next month. My gf just turned 19 a few months ago. We’ve been dating for two years and have had an up and down relationship. Though, when we’re happy it’s the best. I enjoy myself incredibly, but when we’re upset… It SUCKS.

For the last two years we’ve only hung out with each other. Every day that we could, actually and not seeing each other was a rare thing. We didn’t even hang out with other friends much, and we still enjoyed it. It seems unhealthy, but it was never a problem. Until recently, she went to a concert with her girlfriend and saw her ex there, which she hasn’t spoken to in almost two years. Then, all of a sudden they’re friends again. And she’s always texting him and ugh, It annoys me I guess it’s because I’m jealous. That, and her going out with her friends more often (was extremely rare, remember) just was getting to me. The all of a sudden changes, I guess. One day, when she was texting that guy I asked her if she would just stop… that I don’t want to even have to know about him. Life continues until last Wednesday she was gonna go have dinner with her girlfriend, totally ok with me, and I’m getting over the change about her/us not seeing each other as much, and I do think it is more healthy, for us and the relationship. Though, at the same time I’m still annoyed with her ex, and the day after (Thursday) I was talking to her about it and tried to appease with her. I told her that it is selfish that I would want you to completely stop talking to him etc, but can you at least speak to him in English, so I know what is being said, and not tell him things like “bonito=pretty in Spanish” because, it bugs… I felt that I was suggesting something reasonable. Anyway, she agreed and I was happy because the last week was great!... Until, Friday (yesterday), I found out that she wasn’t only going with her girlfriend to dinner and a movie, but also with her ex… She was going to a club with her girlfriend Friday (yesterday, too) and so I asked if her ex was going as well and she said yes… She just happened to fail to mention that. She said she didn’t tell me because I told her to not let me know about him before, when she was always texting him…

Anyway, I don’t know what to do. I don’t think shes have relations with this guy(I’m sure of it), but it just annoys me tremendously that she didn’t tell me, or lied to me, and won’t make an effort to make things better for us, by sacrificing a little. (She says she wants best for us, but doesn’t want to lose her friend. Originally why I tried to appease her in the first place, but now I feel cheated) I told her that I can’t picture us being together if this continues and that she isn’t even trying to help it. She started crying and I left her home. I know that if I call her back that I would be able to ‘fix’ things or at least cheer her up, but I’m afraid things are just going to end up worse unless she tells the guy to lay off.
I don’t know guys any ideas?

reply to post by JelloFaust


This dude almost has the same problem as you. Hope the link helps.

www.askmen.com...

[edit on 22-9-2007 by thehumbleone]

reply to post by JelloFaust


Personally, if I were in that situation, I would just tell her to choose me or him because IMO it sounds like she could be cheating. If she truly values the relationship she will drop him like a bad habit.

My current girlfriend and I have a "no ex policy." It just makes things easier for us and I'd much rather make her happy over making my ex happy any day. It's really not a hard rule to abide by.

That's how I feel too -- I thought it would be easy for her to drop him...

Though, tonight, I just told her what I wanted again and also told her that I'm not going to be waiting forever for her to figure out what's best...

I really don't think shes cheating, and I've talked to her friend, who I would trust denies her cheating... It just bugs and why the ex?...

[edit on 23-9-2007 by JelloFaust]

reply to post by JelloFaust


Regardless of whether or not she's bonking her ex again, you at least know enough to be completely certain of it that the girl isn't worthy of your trust or respect. She isn't considerate enough of your feelings to be forthcoming and honest about things which are sensitive issues with you, that's an enormous stop sign right in front of your face.

Don't make a big issue of things with her or engage her in a confrontation about it because you'll regret it, she's the kind of girl that will brand you with the jealous-jerk stamp and make you feel like a complete freak of nature for actually expecting her to be honest with you and show you the respect of communicating openly with you. Let it go and discreetly back off, keep any conversation about it on a light hearted tone... She's history already, you just don't know it yet.

Keep an eye out for other opportunities.

man dump her WRIGHT NOW!show her your the man and you wont tolerate her cheating and being a ******.girls like that suck

^ It's so difficult for me to believe the poster above me is 18...

She might be giving you the 'jealous boyfriend' title and shrugging it off. You know those girls that will just be like "Ugh, my boyfriend is such a possessive freak" and view what you say and do as such.

If you could, get ahold of her cellphone and read the texts she's been sending and receiving. If they're in Spanish, she's probably hiding something and she's going against your word which is something to get upset about in itself.

Don't bug her about it constantly. Just keep a watchful eye on the situation. And ask that she keep her girlfriend around whenever she hangs out with her ex. That way, it's not like a date and you can get the scoop from her girlfriend if something's going on.

fweshcawfee and Unisol, easier said than done.

Paresthesia, will do.

She agreed to try to give him a hint about speaking in English by speaking talking to him in English and seeing if he follows along. I asked if she could just tell him and she said she would... I guess I have to wait.

I hate the word 'try'

you can't trust her girlfriend, man! Best friends at that age will lie to cover up for each other.

If she can't be honest with you, then something's up. Even if there's nothing physical going on (yet) if she's chatting with him all the time, there's an element of emotional cheating going on.

If you're uncomfortable and you've told her, and she's not doing things to correct it, then you have a problem on your hands.

Listen to your gut. You are so young anyway, maybe it's time to move on and experience some of the other fish in the sea.

Sounds like shes doing the dirty kick her her slut arse to the kurb, preferably out of a moving car. But maybe I'm just over reacting. Being cheated on sucks don't put up with it.

Honestly dude you either trust her or don't, if you dont you leave it is really that simple. does it suck, yeah is it gonna hurt, yeah. But your jealous behavior will do nothing but drive her right to him anyway. You made another mistake in saying you didnt want ot hear about him at all. Girls that age will play the jealousy game out to the hilt the best thing you can do is not play it. And right now all you are doing is playing control games and well they dont like that. if you really want to difuse the situation pick up some tickets to the ballgame and invite him out for the afternoon.

Thanks for the responses, guys.

An update?...

Hmm, today I told her in the car that basically, she just needs to choose. And I told her what I wanted stopped. She told me she wants to be with me, which implies she will stop doing what I asked her to stop. At this moment, she was crying, and I did not really want to push it for an answer to my offer... I figure, I'll wait a few days, and if it ceases, great... If not, I suppose its time to hit the road.

Though, I was wondering why it was so hard for her to just stop since she says she loves me and does want to be with me. I pushed that question and she said she feels bad because this is what she did to him before, when I came into her life... She stopped talking to him.

I trust her enough to believe that she is not cheating nor having relations with him. And, I am pretty sure of it... I think it would be too obvious, since she can't even keep simple things from me, like going out with him and not telling me... And she says she did not tell me because she knew I would not approve, as well as trying to justify it with my statement about not wanting to hear about him. Not hearing about him and not telling me you're going out with him, even if with a friend, is still a whole other ball park.

Though, it sounds as if I'm doing everything Jovi says I should not do, eh?

"if you really want to difuse the situation pick up some tickets to the ballgame and invite him out for the afternoon."

What to you mean exactly? The three of us?...

I feel naive :bnghd:

Anyway, thanks for the help, again. And, to be honest, I don't want to just end it... Just yet... Especially since I don't think she is cheating on me. I just don't want anything else to come out of it, and I really don't like the all-of-the-sudden change... Maybe its more him, than her, that I'm afraid of. He's already done this to a different couple (Some chick he was dating was cheating on her bf to be with him)

reply to post by JelloFaust


A similar situation happened to me not too long ago. I reacted somewhat similarly, at first I thought she would just forget about him again but it became apparent it was not meant to be. I went with the compromise route but I only give so much before I pull the plug. She took advantage of my good nature and started going out with him, something which I specifically said was off limits, that's as far as I go. I'm not interested in a relationship where I have to constantly wonder if my girl is sleeping with someone else, who's she's with or is she's telling the truth. And dude, you shouldn't either, you did the right thing, make your stand and lay it out there and give here some time. If she is not interested in a real relationship then walk. Hard thing to do, I know, was for me but I had to do it, I couldn't compromise on the basics.

[edit on 24-9-2007 by WestPoint23]

Originally posted by ivzm
Sounds like shes doing the dirty kick her her slut arse to the kurb, preferably out of a moving car. But maybe I'm just over reacting. Being cheated on sucks don't put up with it.

Bwahhhhhhhh ahahahahah I loved that post, it tickled me to death.

"Kick her slut arse to the curb, preferably out of a moving car" eeeeehehehehehehehe!!

Loved it

Yeah you could go spend an afternoon with the three of you or just a one on one guy thing. It doesnt really matter which but you have to stop playing the control game by trying to exert the control you are gonna lose her. Everytime you say how much you dislike her talkign to him is showing your insecurities and to be honest an inscure man equals an alone man in the dating game.

Im not saying what you are feeling is wrong or unnatural, quite the opposite but you have to step up and be seen as the alpha in this triangle or you lose. You are gonna have to step up and be fresh and exciting here. So go otu and do something different with her surprise her, it isnt really all that hard. You are almost certain she is not cheating, so in all likeilhood she isnt, if she were you would know it in your heart.

Thanks for the encouragement, Jovi

I'll let you guys know an outcome...

Kiddo,

You have just played into the oldest game in the world....You gotta be smooth if you want her in your life. DO NOT GET UP SET ANY MORE. You need to take yourself higher my friend. First you need to get a life! Second you need to start doing things for yourself. You have had your nose so far up her ass you have forgotten your self..Guys do this all the time. You need to join a gym and start working out everyday you can. why?..Because it's good for your health and it will help burn off those nagging issue about her x..And it will make her wonder why the hell your all of a sudden changing. Next you need to get your ass back in with your male friends...I know a chic is better to look at than your boys but hanging around people who aren't on the inside of your little social circle can give you some great insite on things you might be over looking or just plain lieing to yourself about.


[edit on 25-9-2007 by tsloan]

reply to post by JelloFaust


Dump her man. Save yourself the trouble and walk away. You will be happier for it.

honestly, just find something better to do with your time, than spend it with her.

If she starts to miss you, make your thoughts clear to her. If not, then it was a good decision to drop her! Being jealous, or even giving the impression you might be jealous is the worst thing you could possibly do.

The best thing to do, would be continue on with your own life and find things to keep you occupied and happy.

There is no greater power on earth than....Denial!!!!!!!!!!!!

If you even once tell yourself that you dont THINK she is cheating on you...You already know it somewhere deep inside.

My ex-wife pulled the same things. It is hard to accept what you find out to be the truth rather than your perception of it.

Let her go brother and experience life.

It is hard to accept advice from people you know much less people you dont. You think that people may have had similar situations but they dont know her like I do. Well the truth of the matter is that usually if it walks like a duck, talks like a duck....it probally is a duck.

Women are strange creatures man...If anyone ever figures them out....Man will they be rich.

My fiance had a boyfriend in the past that she would talk to off and on...usually when we were fighting. Well I put the kabosh on that really quick when I found out. You cannot work on your present problems if you are looking to the future. What I mean by this is that if she is even considering letting anything happen with the guy she isnt concentrating on your relationship now. She has already moved on emotionally and mentally.

When my ex-wife dropped the bomb on me after I returned from Bosnia. I asked, "whay cant we work on this and fix it!?!" She told me that it couldn't be fixed and that she had made her mind up months before she ever said anything. This may not fit your situation here but you may be seeing the tell tale signs of it. When a woman tells you she is leaving she has made that descision already and has already done all of the crying she is going to do.

Trust me bro when I say that there are PLENTY of women out there looking for a good man...you just have to take that step