My exgirlfriend, turns out she's pregnant

Buddy she is playing seriously whacked out headgames with you...if she is pregnant...I doubt it is yours.Probably the other guys .She just wanted to mess with your life.I believe you need to get on with your life...and drop her ass.If down the road she does give birth...the paternity test will still be in order.I doubt it.She is a witch for putting you through this hell.Too many girls use this BS to keep a guy.Makes me sick.If she refuses to go to a doctor for proof....that right there is your big red flag.
Get on with your life...and keep her out of it.

Ok.

Priorities here.

If you feel there is even the slightest chance she is being abused, whether she wants to report it or not you need to. Just so that she takes it seriously if she is lying and she sees that there are options if she isnt.

I don't think her being pregnant or not should effect that decision. Abuse is unacceptable.

Sounds like she has a desire to have attention and love. Usually the number one reason teenagers get pregnant..

Yes get proof, but dont make it a Jerry Springer episode. get the parents involved or someone you both respect to help mediate the situation.

Good luck and remember that even if she is lying..abuse is not something to take lightly or disregard. Sometimes we have responsibilities we dont want or ask for, but dont be a typical statistic and ignore it and blame her, take care of it one way or the other and be informed about your options.

Originally posted by AccessDenied
Buddy she is playing seriously whacked out headgames with you...if she is pregnant...I doubt it is yours.Probably the other guys .She just wanted to mess with your life.I believe you need to get on with your life...and drop her ass.If down the road she does give birth...the paternity test will still be in order.I doubt it.She is a witch for putting you through this hell.Too many girls use this BS to keep a guy.Makes me sick.If she refuses to go to a doctor for proof....that right there is your big red flag.
Get on with your life...and keep her out of it.

OP I hope you read everything Access said there because it's straight forward sound advice that meshes with what I was trying to tell you myself.

And again with the alleged abuse stuff, like I said already, stay out of that and don't start making any police reports. If you do, you could end up being investigated yourself and for all you know, your ex's story could change and she'll brand you as the abuser and not the other guy.

Trust me she isn't some pitiful little angelic victim, she isn't stupid and she knows how to seek help on her own if she needs it. Don't let anyone make you feel like you have to be this tramp's savior, she is not your responsibility.

She can't be trusted and surely you know that, cut all ties with her and move on. And in the event that she actually is pregnant which I highly doubt, let time take it's course with that, you don't need to feel obligated to do a darn thing at this point.

Game playing, mind screwing women are a dime a dozen, don't waste your time with them. I swear there isn't a demon in all of Hell as evil and manipulative as a bored female that entertains herself by playing on peoples' sympathies and concerns.

reply to post by fweshcawfee


Wow.

There is a lot of bitterness there. What brings on this angry tirade on women?

Seriously, if shes being abused you think this OP should turn and look the other way because this girl is not a honest person or I guess a tramp as you put it?

I have to disgree. Even if shes playing games, call her on it and react accordingly. In the end if she called wolf it will be the authorites responsibility and you will have done what you should do.

reply to post by Ellipsis


Well I could take the light hearted, trivial approach like most everyone else in the world does, or I could strip the sugar coating off and say it like it is. I prefer the latter so if you prefer a lot of B.S. and worthless banter in your conversation, you might want to skip over my posts.

reply to post by fweshcawfee



By all means do not sugar-coat your replies or banter. I agree that you should say it how you see it.

However I do not see it as such. I will say it as it is as well, or as I see it.

*raises her glass*

Dude you are pretty much screwed for life at this point so you are gonna have to start figuring out damage control. Pretty much if she names you on the Birth Certificate you will in all likelihood end up paying child support for a child that may or may not be yours.

On the whole abuse subject i agree that you should not be the one to report it but you should be strongly encouraging her to. In all honesty at this point the abuse should have subsided when she quit talking to the other guy. There is nothing wrong with forgiving and moving forward with this girl if it is what you want to do but please dont be a fool about it, she has played a couple of pretty heavy games on you (also it should be noted that this behavior doesnt usually change). i would defiantely be requiring a doctor's exam before even considering rebuilding a relationship with her. And actually it would be a good indicator if she is outright lying or not, simply put if she is outright lying she will have a fit over it.

If it turns out she is there will be no way to tell whose it is until after it is born, so pray she doesnt name you as the father or you are potentially screwed, you need to establish paternity before an enforcment order is put on you. If you cant talk to your parents about this please go talk to your priest, beleive it or not he is trained to help you deal with these kinds of situations.

And in closing please dont take this as being insensitive or not caring i understand your situation and was once your age myself and have had drama filled relationships not all that much different than this. But you have no one else to blame for this mess but yourself, you are not an uneducated idiot you have been told likely from the time you were in fourth grade or so what had to be done to prevent this from happening, blaming your peers for presurring you into it is a bunch of mealymouthed drivel that comes from people who refuse to accept responsibility for their own poor choices, you did it accept the responsibilty accept the consequences and move forward.

Thanks for the advice guys. This is getting bigger.

So the other day I sent an angry message to the other dude. Well he messaged me back saying that he didnt abuse her and that the bruises on her arm are from when she had blood drawn at the emergency room.

Katie agrees with this, she says she almost had a miscarriage, the other guy says she was only just sick and that she had a pregnancy test but didnt go into the details about the results.

So I called the guy and he said that she isnt pregnant, but that the other day she came over his house and said that she wanted him to give her a baby, and they had sex. He also says that part of the deal they had was that she would move down to Mississippi with him if he did. According to him she agreed.

I dont know who to believe. She lied about the whole abuse part, so she might be lying about the whole pregnancy. Im gonna try and get her to meet me at kmart tonight so we can do a pregnancy test. I was gonna wait till friday, but considering the new evidence that might be risky. Hopefully that will settle it.

Dude...seriously...you do not need this drama in your life...DO NOT MEET HER ANYWHERE! Do not talk to her or the other guy! Get on with your life and leave these mixed up people out of it.She is obviously messing with you.And quite frankly,I'm getting frustrated that you are letting her.Don't!!!! Geez...

Originally posted by Ellipsis
reply to post by fweshcawfee

 

By all means do not sugar-coat your replies or banter. I agree that you should say it how you see it.

However I do not see it as such. I will say it as it is as well, or as I see it.

*raises her glass*

Uh, what? Ok, I am going to read your post slower because you think to fast for me!

Originally posted by fweshcawfee
Wow was that ever bad advice. Do you actually think the girl is telling the truth, didn't you read the OP at all? The girl has lied to him about things, she very likely is lieing about being hit by someone as well.

Did you?

There is a woman who is possibly pregnant with this man's child. This same woman is possibly being abused by another man. The damage this abuse could cause to the child is irreversible. Would you be able to live with yourself if your child was born with a permanent disability, due to the abuse that you enabled?

In this instance, it's better to investigate and be wrong, then ignore and be right.

So no, it wasn't bad advice. Your lack of concern for the well-being of this child truly concerns me.

Originally posted by fweshcawfee
Teenage girls have a broad reputation for crying wolf and exagerating physical abuse to get attention, that may be stereotypical but it's still the truth, it happens every day. This girl has lied to the OP already, why should he believe her about this?

And teenage girls do not have a reputation of getting pregnant at a young age? And teenage girls do not have a reputation of being abused by males?

All are applicable. Manipulating the truth to fit your agenda doesn't make it any more acceptable.

Originally posted by fweshcawfee
Taking someone like that at their word, which clearly is worthless, is a bad idea. The OP should wash his hands of her and let her sort out her own problems, if she's being abused by someone she knows how to talk to her family or get help on her own.

And what of the possible child that they may own? You assume that she is not pregnant, and you assume that the child is not his. What if she is? And what if it is his? Then what? Can you live with yourself knowing that you enabled this abuse? Can you live with yourself knowing that your child may never walk, may never talk, or comprehend a clear thought, all because you enabled his/her mother to be abused.

Because, well, a stereotype was easier to accept than the well-being of your child.

Thanks, but no thanks.

I'll take my bad advice any day.

[edit on 18-9-2007 by chissler]

reply to post by Vegemite


That clearly confirms that every shred of advice I gave you was the right advice. Never listen to a bleeding heart when you're in a bad situation, they'll steer you wrong everytime. Always listen to the sensible person, the one who "seems" like just a heartless jerk, because that's the person that will save your freaking arse if you listen to them.

Nuff said, good luck.

I am not naive enough to believe that we all share beliefs, values, and morals. But I was naive enough to think that we all would come to the aid of a battered woman, especially one that might be carrying our child.

Too true. 'Nuf said.

Originally posted by Vegemite
Thanks for the advice guys. This is getting bigger.

So the other day I sent an angry message to the other dude. Well he messaged me back saying that he didnt abuse her and that the bruises on her arm are from when she had blood drawn at the emergency room.

Katie agrees with this, she says she almost had a miscarriage, the other guy says she was only just sick and that she had a pregnancy test but didnt go into the details about the results.

So I called the guy and he said that she isnt pregnant, but that the other day she came over his house and said that she wanted him to give her a baby, and they had sex. He also says that part of the deal they had was that she would move down to Mississippi with him if he did. According to him she agreed.

I dont know who to believe. She lied about the whole abuse part, so she might be lying about the whole pregnancy. Im gonna try and get her to meet me at kmart tonight so we can do a pregnancy test. I was gonna wait till friday, but considering the new evidence that might be risky. Hopefully that will settle it.

At the risk of getting a Mod Mad at me...Chissler did you read this?:shk:
She Lied!

Originally posted by AccessDenied
At the risk of getting a Mod Mad at me...Chissler did you read this?:shk:
She Lied!

Never fear having one of us mad at you, we don't bite.

And yes, I did read that. However, it does not change the facts as it relates to fweshcawfee stating that he should do nothing. Sure, he was right that this woman lied about everything. It wasn't that hard to see that she was lying. Ninety nine times out of one hundred, he probably would of been right. But what about that one time?

Stereotypes aside, it is important that we err on the side of caution and put the well being of our children first. Had this woman been called on her sycophantic nonsense, this would have been nipped in the butt immediately. In my province, I am mandated by law to report any threats, allegations, etc., of child abuse. If a child confides in me that he or she is being abused, I am mandated by law to report it. I see no difference if a pregnant woman makes the allegations.

Of course her pregnancy was being questioned, but is it worth the risk?

Deciding to do nothing was right this time, but what about next time?

I'd like to think that we would be willing to put ourselves out their to save our unborn child.

So like I said, I stand by my comments. I assumed she was lying, but reporting it to the authorities was still the right move. For two reasons. First being that it would put it to an end, whether it was true or not. And second, if it was true, the mother and child would finally have the safety they deserve, and the abuser would get what he deserves.

The way I see it, it is a win win situation.

reply to post by chissler

You are correct....I just wasn't sure if you read the latest info by the OP.I agree with you Chissler..if she was actually being abused it should be reported.My position was that if she was lying about one thing she was probably lying about it all.For attention or just to screw him over or whatever.I believe he is best to wash his hands of her.Her refusal to take a test for proof is a big red flag for me.And it actually sounds like she may be playing both guys for the fool. Sad.:shk:

reply to post by chissler


Yes the advice you gave was horrible imo, it was also proven to be the wrong advice considering the OP's update on his situation. Even if the girl turns out to be pregnant, I still stand by every word I said in advising the OP.

When you've been put through the Hell, anguish and multiple mind screwings that I have in life, you learn quite a few things about people and how they think, you eventually reach a point where it's pretty easy to see through peoples' B.S. The majority of the time even though no one usually agrees with me, my instincts usually prove to not have been too far off the mark.

I'm not insinuating I'm right ALL the time, I'm not some sort of wise all-knowing guru sitting on a mountain top somewhere with all the answers... but more often than not, the advice I give is credible and sensible enough that it should be considered.

Originally posted by fweshcawfee
Even if the girl turns out to be pregnant, I still stand by every word I said in advising the OP.

So even if she is pregnant, he should enable this unborn child to be abused? I know she is not being abused, but at the time, he could not definitively say that. So a decision had to be made with the information at the time, and you chose to risk the well being of the child. I don't see how you feel that was appropriate. But again, that is only my opinion.

Originally posted by fweshcawfee
When you've been put through the Hell, anguish and multiple mind screwings that I have in life, you learn quite a few things about people and how they think, you eventually reach a point where it's pretty easy to see through peoples' B.S.

Some food for thought here...

Originally posted by fweshcawfee
That clearly confirms that every shred of advice I gave you was the right advice. Never listen to a bleeding heart when you're in a bad situation, they'll steer you wrong everytime. Always listen to the sensible person, the one who "seems" like just a heartless jerk, because that's the person that will save your freaking arse if you listen to them.

Nuff said, good luck.

In this section you've faulted me for basing my opinion on my heart. I came to my conclusion in a biased fashion, and based it on my emotions. Possibly. But you've painted yourself as clear, unbiased, unwavering, etc. Yet with this text, you show that you based your opinion on your past experiences. Your decision was based on emotion, bias, etc.

You fault others for doing what you have. Only I based my decision on other emotions, and other bias.

It's called ethics, and we have varying beliefs on this matter. But I should not be faulted for having a "bleeding heart", when you are guilty of the same.

I hope you see my point.

Originally posted by fweshcawfee
I'm not insinuating I'm right ALL the time, I'm not some sort of wise all-knowing guru sitting on a mountain top somewhere with all the answers... but more often than not, the advice I give is credible and sensible enough that it should be considered.

Nor did I intend to imply anything to the sort. You gave a valid opinion, as did I. But you chose to express how "horrible" my advice was, because it was not applicable to your situation. If you're going to offer advice to people, it needs to be applicable to their situation, and not everything that you have been through in life.


(Note: Please do not perceive any of this as frustration, anger, etc. This is nothing more than a pleasant exchange of ideas, between two people who have a difference of opinion. I do not mean to insult, if that is how you perceive this. Thanks)

Sorry Chis but well intentioned or not you were still wrong, the truth might sting but you were wrong and I was right. I don't let bleeding politically correct emotions blind me, apparently you do. You're in good company though because most of society would probably have mirrored all your own feelings on the matter. I'm just accustomed to looking at things a little differently than mainstream average people, which would explain why I'm usually disliked by most.

And I get the feeling that you pride yourself in this, and wear it as a badge of honor.

Whether I am right or wrong, it doesn't matter. I know that if I made this decision each and every time, the safety of an unborn child is ensured. While you may be right most of the time, that one time you are wrong, it will be quite the ordeal. Part of the problem here, is viewing this as right and wrong.

It's not about right and wrong. It's not about being politically correct. It's about integrity. I have my values, and I have stuck to them. As have you. I'm not prepared to fault you for sticking to your values. Just as you should not fault me for sticking to mine.

Like I said, this isn't about being right or wrong.