posted on Sep, 10 2007 @ 01:57 AM
To the OP,
I am not American, I'm Trinidadian. And I can honestly say I know EXACTLY how you feel. You are misunderstood...simply because you cannot explain
yourself properly & you do not know how. I feel the exact same way. A feeling of paranoia, mixed with disgust, confusion, anger, hate, love &
Many people won't understand what you're saying, or what you're trying to say, because many people do not see what you see, or how you see it.
It's hard for me to imagine the world the way I think it should be...because this(what the world is) is what I know. It's like trying to imagine a
colour you've never seen to add to a painting...or a new number to finish a calculation because for some reason, all of the other numbers just don't
seem to work. It's all you know...and your brain has a hard time destroying that image & making one that has to fit with the one you currently know,
while at the same time...making everything different.
Everyone defines freedom differently it seems. What some may consider freedom, others may not. Maybe some people are more driven than others...or some
people are crazy?
There was a hermit on Ripley's Believe It Or Not(I think) that just packed some food(that's all he took)...& went to live on a small, remote island,
in the forrests, because he was fed up of society. When asked if he was happy...without any hesitation or remorse in his voice, he said yes. Now, some
people may say this guy is crazy. Others may say he was a lazy bum looking for an excuse to leave his responsibilities behind. I do not know if he was
mad, sane or just very different.
I am a PC Technician, Graphic Designer, Music Producer & amateure Game Designer. I love doing what I do. I can't see myself doing anything else. I
can't see myself doing anything, but that. I love music, graphics, making my ideas come to life and all that goes along with the fields that I am
into. But I'm also not satisfied with what I do. I feel empty at times when I think about the life lived. I just cannot come to terms that this is
what it's all about. This is it. Working hard, making money...providing for your kids(which is great and all...but, seems so limited). I love helping
people, I love making people happy...but yet, I'm still not satisfied. I'm pissed at most govenments. I'm pissed at a lot of people, while I also
admire & adore many others, but for some reason...even when I'm totally happy...I'm not satisfied. I'm very spiritual, focused & content...yet
discontented. And I do not know why.
I hate most of the world I live in. The things that I have seen disgust me...while other things bring happiness to me. But for some reason, that
thirst I have for something greater is not quenched. This is not a feeling that I've grown into. It's something that I've felt my entire
life...ever since I can remember, I've felt that something was wrong with the world, but I never knew what it was exactly...I still don't. Maybe
it's one thing, maybe it's many. I'm going on 20 years soon & this feeling has never left me. I truly doubt I'll find anything that can fill that
emptiness in me. Maybe it's not the world...maybe it's me. Maybe I'm not supposed to be in this dimension. I don't know.
I do not know why I am the way I am...I think you are like me in a sense...which, I'm sorry to hear really, because honestly, I sometimes wish I
could just be happy like everyone else.
Just a quick thought about "freedom". I hope many of you know that most of the people of the working world hate their jobs. Most of them do not have
the jobs they want, jobs they are sometimes qualified to have & jobs that are out of their reach(for whatever reason)...but ofcourse, they have to pay
the bills & feed the kids...also take their spouses out for a good time...not to mention treat themselves to a slice of the good life every once in a
while. But, most of these people are unhappy. Most of the people of the world are poor. I can say that I'm blessed doing what I love doing, but I'm
still battling with my own demons. However, if you think about some of these things deeply...you realize..."Freedom", or what the common idea of
what freedom is, is really more of an illusion...and a very ineffective, but real looking one at that.
[edit on 10-9-2007 by sdrawkcab]