posted on Sep, 4 2007 @ 03:13 PM
How nasty is McDonalds Ice Cream?
Quick story, it's too much information but kind of funny in a toilet humor bile sort of way and it's true.
I was about to hop on a plane to DC from Chicago and was hanging out at the airport bored. I ordered some ice cream at a McDonalds to help kill a few
minutes. When I ordered the whole staff laughed, which made me suspicious and then she gave me the tallest ice cream I've ever seen, looked like a
glowing torch of vanilla ice cream.
I quickly licked it up and was a about to get on the plane when my stomach let out a light growl. I ignored it and got on the plane anyway. I sit
down, old lady next to me starts small talk, the little bit of stress of talking to a stranger combined with the previous stomach growling makes my
stomach get progressively worse. I start having bad stomach cramps. I then decide I need to go get off the plane for some immodium or I'm going to
I ask the stewardess if I can go buy some immodium and come back since the plane hadn't completely boarded yet. She said no, and that I needed to
take my seat. I sit back down, old lady keeps talking, "Where are you from etc....", meanwhile I'm sweating like crazy and she doesn't catch the
obvious body language of 'I'm dieing here, no small talk please, need to focus!!!) Stomach pains getting worse, like needles that comes in waves, I
finally get up and tell the stewardness I'm going to die if I don't get immodium or off the plane. They just locked the door, she gives me some
'ginger ale' apparently the cure for everything and say go sit down and you can't get up until the 'seatbelt' sign is turned off.
I sit down, the tiniest bit of stress is magnified with the raptors fighting and growling in my stomach. I'm having hateful thoughts of ronald
Mcdonald and starting to sweat and feel like I"m either going to crap my pants or die of pain. The lady on the other side of the isle notices my
pain and starts laughing (she will be going to hell!). After the stressful take off, where I nearly shart myself, the plane takes off. At that point
it's me versus the seat belt sign. I'm using all of my meditation zen techniques to calm my stomach and become one with the seatbelt sign.
The sign in my mind is a living entity that will tell me when I can run to the bathroom. At some point I realize my rectum does not have the patience
for the seatbelt sign so I have to make a decision. Do I admit to the world I am an unattractive loser who is about to crap himself or do I just crap
myself? I decide to tell the plane in hopes of scoring some immodium or pepto. I literally said very loudly to anyone within ten rows, "Excuse me,
does anyone have any immodium or pepto, my stomach is killing me". Of course old lady and laughing helliun don't help, luckily old sleeping man in
the back is awoken by daughter who hears my cry for help and he happens to have a alcaselzer for stomachs, which I immediately take and count the
seconds until it kicks in. Finally the seat belt sign tells me to it's okay to run full speed to the back of the plan, tear my pants off and drop
bombs like Viet Nam. Just like the scene in the movie dumb and dumber that's I what I did, an thank god the bathroom wasn't near any seats or I
would have gotten my ass kicked once I got off the plane.
The next day, I have blood in my stool and immediately sent McDonalds customer service an email with my saga asking for an explanation of what the
hell happened. The owner of the O'Here airport McDies calls my cell within a day (which is actually quite impressive) asking me if there is anything
he can do. I said, I just want to know what is in your ice cream that would cause someone to bleed from the backdoor? He didn't have an answer and
only offered me a free coupon for ice cream, which I told him don't bother, I try to avoid things that make you poop blood.
If someone who got burns from coffee managed to sue them, I wonder what I could have done!!!