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Reasons to Invade Mars

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posted on Jan, 17 2004 @ 01:32 AM

11. Richard Perle and Paul Wolfowitz believe our forces will be greeted with flowers when they arrive.

10. Once we kick the ass of the mythological god of war, the rest of the planets in the solar system will fall peacefully in line.

9. Running out of places to not find bin Laden, Anthrax killer, CIA agent name-leaker, etc..

8. Secret video shown Saturday morning reveals that Marvin the Martian is a brutal military dictator.

7. Owes Gore a Coke on the whole "global warming" thing.

6. If there was water on Mars, their might have been life. If there was life on Mars, then there must be dead things. If there are dead things, there might be fossil fuels.

5. The invasion will pay for itself through the sale of Mars' ample reserves of Mars bars.

4. Mars is the front line in the war on imaginary, interplanetary terror (Mars Attacks! (1996), Clinton failed to respond).

3. As with Iraq, Halliburton pitched the invasion (see

2. Mars itself is an intermediate goal, the ultimate prize is the natural gas of Uranus.

1. As Condi said, "We don't want the smoking gun to be the earth shattering ka-boom of the Illudium Pew-36 Explosive Space Modulator."

posted on Jan, 17 2004 @ 03:22 AM
And technically, Bush doesn't have to bother with UN rejection because its out of their juristiction!!!!


posted on Jan, 19 2004 @ 12:42 PM
If the administration hustles, we can have all-spectrum media coverage of a lift off to mars when the 911 commission releases its report. Then, perhaps the only media coverage of 911 will be the tiny scrolling words at the bottom of the TV screen.
If they really hustle the administration may find someone on mars for the commision to interview prior to their deadline.


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