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Child Custody/Visitation -- Need Some Advice/Help

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posted on Aug, 26 2007 @ 08:13 AM
Not sure if this fits here, however, it seems to be the most appropriate forum.

Here's the story (shortened of course).

Dated a girl for almost 3 years. Everything between us was perfect until our son was born. She suddenly took on this crazy selfish way to the point of neglecting our son because he was taking "attention" away from her.

Needless to say, after about 8 months (and several discussions on the topic), I got fed up and left her. For the next couple of months she allowed me to see my son but only on the condition that I hang out with her first.

Come around the time of my son's first birthday, I met the woman that is now my wife. As soon as my ex found out, she ceased letting me see my son.

The last time I was able to lay eyes on my son was December 27th of 2005.

Since that time, I have applied for legal aid. Denied.
I have begged the local Department of Family and Children's Services for Assistance in getting my visitation. Denied

The reason I constantly get denied for aid in getting to see my son, I'm shot down because his mother and I were not married. However, my son IS legitimate, as I signed the papers. He has my last name and I signed his birth certificate.

I have absolutely NO money for a lawyer and therefore I feel like I'm fighting a losing battle.

Have any of you here went through a similar situation who can provide some suggestions for me.

Since that time, I have spoken to all of her friends that I knew. They actually went out of their way to seek me out to tell me that she still spends absolutely no time with our son and spends her nights drinking and her days sleeping while her parents raise our son.

Do any of you have any suggestions at all for me? Possibly a route I have not thought to explore?

Any help would be GREATLY appreciated.


Jack and Daddy

posted on Aug, 26 2007 @ 10:19 AM
I'm in the middle of a huge custody battle, from the other side of course, being the mom, with a very abusive ex husband who is trying to get the kids away from me.

Each state has different laws about custody/visitation. The first thing you'll have to do is prove your paternity. Then most, if not all, states will uphold your right to see your kid.

I'm in California. There is a legal method for proving paternity through the courts. I'm not familiar with it, because my husband is already on the kids' birth certificates.

The thing about family court is, you don't NEED a lawyer. One helps, yes, but you are welcome and able to represent yourself.

I recommend you start on this site. It can at least get you started in the right direction. In my state, if I google "California + divorce self help" or "family court self help" I get the court's website that explains how the thing works, and how to fill in forms and go for legal help.

It's a frustrating, terrible situation to be in. But you HAVE to get a court order first, to see your son. Then if she keeps your child from you, you may be able to move for full custody. It all depends on your state.

If you want me to help you find the right resources, you can either U2U me your city, state, and county, or post it here if you don't care people know where you are. I'll see if I can find your court's self-help information.

posted on Aug, 26 2007 @ 10:53 AM
reply to post by MajorMalfunction

I have no interest in taking him from her. Unless of course I find out for certain she is neglecting him like I'm told.

However, I need to see him. I'm dying over here without my boy.

I know that I can go to court without a lawyer....but I'm scared of her parents stepping in if I don't have one and their lawyer ripping me a new one.


In Georgia, Legitimation papers are sufficient to prove paternity.

posted on Aug, 26 2007 @ 11:04 AM
I'm not suggesting you're trying to take him from her at all, just sharing my own perspective and position in the system.

Her parents may have money and a lawyer, but that doesn't guarantee she will win. You have to educate yourself as to your rights, and stand on them no matter what.

I found this:

Parentage Overview

In parentage cases (also called "paternity cases"), the court says who a child's parents are. If parents are married when a child is born, there is usually no question about parentage. The law assumes that the husband is the father.

Parents who are not married when a child is born can sign a Voluntary Acknowledgment of Paternity before they leave the hospital or after. The acknowledgment is recorded in the putative father registry maintained by the Department of Human Resources. See O.C.G.A. §19-7-46.1

When people who are not married can't agree about paternity, the court can order genetic testing. The superior and state courts have concurrent jurisdiction in all proceedings for the determination of paternity of children who are residents of this state.

Usually a child's parentage must be established before you can get child support or custody and visitation orders. You can ask the judge for child support or custody and visitation orders as part of a case that establishes the child's parentage.

Have you tried this organization for help?

posted on Aug, 26 2007 @ 11:09 AM
BTW, proving your paternity will also put you on the hook for child support, which is usually quite expensive.

But then, REAL fathers don't have a problem paying for their share of the upkeep of their kids. It's just men like my ex that play deadbeat while flying around the country and buying motorcycles and video games. :shk:

posted on Aug, 26 2007 @ 02:25 PM
sorry dude you walked out on both her and your kid,you should have thought about your child before running away

She must have been very upset when you remarried,and still carried a torch for you.So she is hurting you the only way she can do,to deny you your right to see your son.Sometimes in situations like this is pays to bite your toungue and play nice with the mother for the sake of your child.Its too easy to blow off steam and rant and rage at each other,and that results in only more problems.

the only thing i think you can do is talk to her mate,it might be hard to do but that way you might be able to sort something out.As for her parents rasing him,once again you walked out sunshine you throw away your rights that day and i am sure her parents are doing a fine job with your child

anyway get in contact with your ex,get it all of your chest and hopefull she will play ball.Just remember to keep level headed and calm

posted on Aug, 26 2007 @ 04:24 PM
I cringe whenever I hear a story like this, brrrrrrrr!

Oddly enough when I was a teen and young adult, it was my dream to settle down and have a family. It never happened though and now in creeping past the mid thirties mark I have no regrets that it didn't.

I hope this doesn't sound wrong but stories like yours are a dime a dozen. This happens to so many men and I'm so glad I was blessed enough not to ever have to worry about going through this myself.

Good luck man, I hope this all will work out for you somehow.

posted on Aug, 26 2007 @ 10:31 PM
reply to post by noangels2006

1. I NEVER walked out on my kid. She left OUR house because I caught her cheating on me in at after I left work one night. I stuck out as much of her crap as I could. It would have been far worse on Jack had I stayed because all she ever did was raise hell and start fights. She only wanted me because I was gone and then she got spiteful when I started dating someone else. Can you say childish?

2. I tried reasoning with her for a year and a half to no avail. There is no point in it because she will only play ball if it's HER way. Even when we were still on half way decent terms everything had to conform to her rules. She used my son to try to hurt me and in the process hurt him as well. (He was a HUGE daddy's boy......he wanted me and no one else when I was around)

I would have never left had she not been the way she was. But, I'm sorry, there is no way I'm gonna let my self be run into the ground every single day AND cheated on at her leisure. How would that be fair to anyone but her? Including Jack.


NOTE: Thanx to those of you that gave me advice. I'll look into it. Thank you very much.

posted on Aug, 26 2007 @ 10:33 PM

Originally posted by MajorMalfunction
BTW, proving your paternity will also put you on the hook for child support, which is usually quite expensive.

But then, REAL fathers don't have a problem paying for their share of the upkeep of their kids. It's just men like my ex that play deadbeat while flying around the country and buying motorcycles and video games. :shk:

Child support I don't mind. I don't care how much it is, it's worth it. Though I will try to make sure that he dad is the recipient of it because I know he'll use it to take care of Jack. She'll use it to buy drugs and booze.


posted on Aug, 26 2007 @ 11:38 PM
I found a good site for you, has the procedures and the forms for proving paternity. It costs for the forms and books ... But it's cheaper than an attorney.

Have you visited the GA Office of Child Support Services site? Maybe if you have the right information and can ask the right questions, they could actually do something for you. This particular page is about establishing paternity.

This site looks like it might be extremely helpful to you.

Maybe it's different in GA, but here in CA, having a lawyer doesn't mean you'll win, and not having one doesn't mean you'll lose. Our court is concerned about being "fair" and ends up being fair to no one, by seemingly making judgments capriciously and not in the kids' best interests.

To prove she's unfit would be a whole other stinking kettle of fish. But most places in the US now believe that a father should have access to his kids and there are ways to make sure you get it.

If you want to see your boy, make it happen. Go to the sites I've given you, read, make calls, ask questions. Some lawyers here give a free initial phone consultation -- check your yellow pages for divorce lawyers who advertise that, call one, and ask him questions until he stops answering them. Putting your name on the record with these lawyers is also good, because if one has talked to you, even if he's not representing you, he can't then talk to your ex or represent her. At least that's how it works here.

Good luck. It might take a while. My custody nightmare has been going on for nearly a year and a half now. It's grueling and causes terrible stress on you. But if you want to see your kid, you need to get a court to uphold your rights.

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