To be clear, this is not meant to be a “What is the meaning of life and my purpose here?” post. Rather, it is an obsession that has been nagging
me lately. Sorry if I lapse into the former a bit.
I would like to begin by sharing a "window on my world". I am sitting in a lounge chair on my 12’ x 24’ wooden deck in the backyard of my
house. My lot size is 50’x 100’, a typical size for my neighborhood, and it is enclosed with a 6’ privacy fence. I am writing this on my
laptop computer which has about a 1.5 hour battery life and I am connected to the web via wi-fi with about a 50’ line of sight range. I have only
lived in this house for 6 months and it is 2,000 sq feet. I have a 6.25% mortgage rate and it is financed for 30 years. I purchased this house
because it is only 2.6 miles from my workplace which takes me about 15 minutes to commute to work. I commute daily in a 2002 model vehicle with
35,000 miles on it. I change my oil every 3,000 miles and it is due for one in about another 500 miles. My vehicle gets about 26 miles to the gallon
and on the way home, I filled it up. Gas cost $2.86 per gallon and my total was $43.27. Since I just got home after working a 9 hour day, I am ready
to relax for a little while. I have just opened a lite-beer which is 12 fluid ounces. It contains 95 calories, 5 grams of carbs, 1 gram of protein,
and contains 4% alcohol by volume.
So here I sit, staring up in the sky beyond the wide blue panorama with white puffy clouds and I begin to think, as I am prone to do, that it never
ends……ever. Beyond our atmosphere and galaxy and solar system and cosmos, it simply never ends. It is infinite. I start quivering as I attempt
to understand “Infinity”. My atom-sized human brain succumbs to a primordial “brain-freeze” as I attempt to understand the concept that the
universe is never ending. I can’t relate, I can’t comprehend, I can’t breathe.
So I look downward, back to my laptop, unaware of how long I have just been pondering the infinite universe above me. And then my second phobia kicks
in. How long will my battery last? Then, almost immediately, I wonder, how long will my life last? The concept of eternity is now front and
foremost in my brain as I begin to ponder that time is forever. It is “Eternal”. Nothing that I know is forever. My lifespan is immeasurable in
the infinite yardstick of time. I try to cope. I try to find solace by living my life, “one day at a time” and living in “day-tight
compartments” but the fleeting feeling of security escapes me as I realize the obscurity of time without measure and I am once again overwhelmed.
Daylight savings time????
For me, the measure of time and space seems to give credence to my being and very existence. I feel “in control” when I show up somewhere “on
time” and “get good gas mileage” or navigate to a location that I have never been before. It is almost like relating to time and space in our
mini-munchkin-land-world allows us to feel safe and secure. While just outside our “bubble of perception” nothing could be further from the
truth. Our universe could simply be the size of a DNA molecule in a petri-dish of some giant lab. Or some tiny lab. Whatever.
I feel small and inconsequential. In all of the things that we hold dear in our society like “spending quality time” and “measuring up” to
standards. I feel like I am “one of a billion mites traveling on a cinder through the vastness of space for all eternity”.
So how do you all deal with the concept of Infinity and Eternity in order to cope with daily life? Time for another beer. I look forward to your
advice to help me cope.
P.S. If this post is in the wrong forum, please feel free to relocate it. I have plenty of time.
[edit on 23-8-2007 by kinda kurious]