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Originally posted by worldwatcher
jeffrey, it is a short story, a work of fiction. Devilwasp did pull it out of his/her whatever, that is usually what we do when we write stories.
anyway, Devilwasp, your story has potential. First off, it's way too short, you need to write alot more, don't just leave the reader's hanging, secondly I recommend you write it in word or notepad, use spellcheck and proper grammer,(capitalization), then copy and paste it in your thread.
Overall, it is creative, but I would work on expanding it, describe the characters a little more, set the scene, use more descriptive words and that same short paragraph could become a real short story.
Hope you don't mind my commenting, I look forward to seeing your revised work.