the british ambassador looked on at the rows of delegets in front of him from every corner of the globe they had been called from. he spotted the secratory general standing at the door. the general looked nervous who wouldnt be

the secratary general took up the podium and started his speech .......
"ladies and gentlemen today 3 attacks against america, britain and germany today forced me to call this meeting also these attacks brought many many facts that have alarmed the intial countries involved. the first attack was in britain in birmingham by a group with light firearms this attack although was foiled due to the facct that britain had reciveid intel from an informant in the IRA the second attack was in america but the british mi5 managed to inform the fbi before this happned the third attack happned in a small town in germany the terrorists detonated a small nuclear bomb witch completely destroyed the town it seems that these terrorists have aquired some relic russian cnd's and have the capability to hit anywhere in the world."

as the general continued his speech one of the guards at the un noticed a car speeding at the top end of the street the car accelerated towards the UN gate the gaurds shot out the tires and most of the car and it scraped along the wall until it hit a barier. a citizen 5 miles away inside his car saw a flash from his right and turned to the shockwave comming towards him ....

i take it my story was pretty lame so no 1 commented on it or is there another reason no 1 comented on it?

Maybe that's because you have no links or anything regarding this tale at all. For all we know you pulled it outta your ass.

jeffrey, it is a short story, a work of fiction. Devilwasp did pull it out of his/her whatever, that is usually what we do when we write stories.

anyway, Devilwasp, your story has potential. First off, it's way too short, you need to write alot more, don't just leave the reader's hanging, secondly I recommend you write it in word or notepad, use spellcheck and proper grammer,(capitalization), then copy and paste it in your thread.

Overall, it is creative, but I would work on expanding it, describe the characters a little more, set the scene, use more descriptive words and that same short paragraph could become a real short story.

Hope you don't mind my commenting, I look forward to seeing your revised work.

I agree with WW. Anyways, don't dispair- most of my work has never been commented on. if you want my suggestions, start with cleaning up the spelling, grammar and punctuation. Once that's done, ask yourself how you can expand the story. What are the diplomats doing? what are teh guards doing before hand? What's teh citizen doing? Is there any way to flesh our the scene any further?

Just my advice.

DE

Originally posted by worldwatcher
jeffrey, it is a short story, a work of fiction. Devilwasp did pull it out of his/her whatever, that is usually what we do when we write stories.

anyway, Devilwasp, your story has potential. First off, it's way too short, you need to write alot more, don't just leave the reader's hanging, secondly I recommend you write it in word or notepad, use spellcheck and proper grammer,(capitalization), then copy and paste it in your thread.

Overall, it is creative, but I would work on expanding it, describe the characters a little more, set the scene, use more descriptive words and that same short paragraph could become a real short story.

Hope you don't mind my commenting, I look forward to seeing your revised work.

hence the title "collaborative fiction"