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Islamic Sexual RelationSheeps

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posted on Aug, 1 2007 @ 08:26 AM
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Sexual Relationsheeps!

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Bwaaa haa haa haa!


This kills me. It's a Persian book on Islamic sexual relationsheeps, er relationships. As if the title wasn't goofy enough, the content is apparently worse.


The one who wants to enjoy the sex should marry short square-shouldered brunet. I guarantee the joy.

Okay, but do you triple guarantee the joy? What if I don't like the Brunet? What if I get the joy from a blonde? Speaking of joy, these women creatures are just objects of pleasure. I don't know if we should actually look at them as individuals with human rights.


The prophet: Indeed women are objects for pleasure. Do benefit from them.

Later in the book we find that not only do brunet women make great sexual objects, they also enjoy the sex throughly. You see these women creatures crave the sex and when you finally give into them it's like giving a hand-out to a beggar. No doubt you'll reap some eternal reward for your service.


“Go home and have sex with your wife because it is like handout for her.”

I can hear it now. "Honey can you mow the lawn and take out the trash?" You reply, "I already gave you sex today, what more could you want?" I expect your wife would just be quiet and comply or else run the risk of not getting a hand-out the next time she begged.

The book does give out some good advice here and there. Mixed in with the absurd is some actual knowledge. Smell the girls neck to see if she's clean, and watch out for fat ankles cause the girl might be fat. Tips like these are important for Iranians because you can't actually see what the girl looks like under those clothes. Does she bathe, and will she look good when you finally give in to her persistent begging for sex? Ya gotta look for clues and get a heads-up on what to expect later. Next time you guys lean in for a kiss, stop and smell the neck first. Hopefully it smells like flowers and not last night's dinner. (Garlic goat surprise)

Finally, the most absurd part of the book gives advice on how to avoid having a three-way with the Devil.


If you do not mention God’s name while penetrating, devil will push his penis in alongside yours and will take part in the fetus.

Do Islamic men really shout "Allah Akbar" while having sex? From the outside of a house you wouldn't know if he was praying, planning Jihad, or just having fun with Jin-jin. Even worse, after looking at the title of the book, we have to wonder what order/phylum Jin-jin belongs to.

Take my advice. Throw this book away and just "let things happen". Persian women are really quite attractive and judging by how immoral they dress, they're probably looking for a hand-out.




posted on Aug, 1 2007 @ 08:36 AM
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ROFL! That is priceless! Where on earth did you find this gem of a book?

With my ex, NOT having sex with him was like a handout. Or a hand up depending on the day.

And I'd like to know, three times the pleasure as compared to what? Sex with a mountain goat? At least the brunet isn't running and kicking. Well, hopefully.



posted on Aug, 1 2007 @ 09:01 AM
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Originally posted by MajorMalfunction
as compared to what? Sex with a mountain goat?

Don't laugh, but some of these guys even have goat beauty pagents.

"Me so horny"


But all this is off topic, since we're discussing relationsheeps and not relationgoats.



posted on Aug, 1 2007 @ 09:28 AM
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Originally posted by dbates

But all this is off topic, since we're discussing relationsheeps and not relationgoats.


Oops my bad. I get those ruminants mixed up.



posted on Aug, 1 2007 @ 09:28 AM
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Yes I shall go home right now and wait for my wife to demand sex!

It's going to a damm long wait!

:shk:



Might be easier just to get a sheep. I have a Welsh friend, I can borrow one of his.



posted on Aug, 1 2007 @ 09:31 AM
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Yes, the dangers of translation. Very real, no?

If you're in a relationsheep, you're probably going to go out to dinner. And what better place than a Chinese restaurant? After all everybody likes Chinese food.

Oh, that's baaaaaaa-d.



posted on Aug, 1 2007 @ 09:38 AM
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yeahright, I haven't laughed so hard in ages. My daughter wants to know what the joke is. How can I tell her about "Benumbed hot vegetables fries f*** silk"?

Sounds like this Chinese meal is just the thing to take your wife out for, while reading loving passages from Islamic Relationsheeps, while waiting for her to demand sex.

And for dessert, a plate of Doublle boiled forest frog for two, please.

BTW, do you think they get their cowboy legs wholesale?



posted on Aug, 1 2007 @ 10:01 AM
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Originally posted by yeahright
Yes, the dangers of translation. Very real, no?

If you're in a relationsheep, you're probably going to go out to dinner. And what better place than a Chinese restaurant? After all everybody likes Chinese food.

Oh, that's baaaaaaa-d.


Yup that's just like my local cafe!! I think I've tried most of those.

All Chinese food is good somehow it just dosen't matter what they put in it!

My wife still refuses to beg for it, so i'm taking Shella the sheep to the local cafe for some cowboy legs and for afters she can have a sweet and sour bone.




posted on Aug, 1 2007 @ 10:31 AM
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Unfortunately ridiculous books about sexual morality are all part and parcel of fundamentalist philosophy.


dbates
Does she bathe, and will she look good when you finally give in to her persistent begging for sex? Ya gotta look for clues and get a heads-up on what to expect later. Next time you guys lean in for a kiss, stop and smell the neck first. Hopefully it smells like flowers and not last night's dinner. (Garlic goat surprise)


Wow, go to Iran alot do you?

And in regards to the goat beauty pageant, not really much different from cruffts eh? I remember coming across a book here in the UK called "Beautiful Chickens" that documented some of the most "attractive" chicken breeds.

This sort of sexual morality "literature" is all very Victorian isn't it?

As for some more educational persian literature try:

The Book of One Thousand and One Nights Which is quite good fun even with it's rather sinister premis.

Since you've clearly got an interest in Persia as a subject might I also reccommend Ancient Persia by Wiesehofer and also History of the Persian Empire by Olmstead. Herodotus also writes a colourful and entertaining account.



posted on Aug, 1 2007 @ 12:14 PM
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it's only a matter of time before a jihad is issued on you dbates.



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