From Chuck Colson's Breakpoint website:
In study after study, the absence of fathers is linked to a host of what social scientists call “adverse outcomes” in the lives of children.
These adverse outcomes affect all of society—increased crime, substance abuse, and dropping out of school, . . . increased incidents of mental
illness, sexual promiscuity, and an inability to form stable and lasting relationships
. . . Marks and fellow researcher David Dollahite studied 130 families across the country, including Christians, Jews, Mormons and Muslims.
. . . “religious beliefs and practices play a critical role for many men in their involvement with children.” . . . “in an era when many
fathers are disconnected from or uninvolved with their children.”
. . . Second, “religious fathers are far less likely to abuse alcohol and other drugs than non-religious fathers, and an estimated 80 percent of
child abuse is alcohol related.”
This is a super hot-button issue for me.
The following is my personal commentary on the topic from the standpoint of my PhD in clincal psychology and counseling 1000's of families, couples
and indivduals over 30 years individually, as couples, as families, extended families and as groups.
Fathers can be absent from their children, their families in a variety of ways:
I've put this in the RELIGIOUS CONSPIRACY forum because I believe it is a genuine religious related conspiracy of the NWO folks motivated, guided,
fueled literally from the pit of hell.
Satan knows destroying the balance, spiritual and emotional connectedness of fathers is one of the most impactful ways he can destroy individuals and
society in general that exists, available to him.
He has seduced the NWO puppet masters into thinking that they have come up with clever ideas for society that will replace loving fatherly instruction
in the home with forced toddler Federal controled instruction essentially cradle to grave. Billary is a fierce proponent of such--"for the
children," of course. What rot. It's for her power mongering control of all the sheeple and serfs of the world--which is to become all those not of
the ruling elite.
Anyway--/rant and back to the focus of this thread . . .
Fathers can be absent from familes and their children in several ways:
1. Absent totally--divorced, kicked-out, escapist, run-away fathers.
2. Absent work-aholics. They are primarily never home and when they are home they are absent emotionally because they have no more gas--energy or time
to give to anyone--especially kids. Even the wife only gets an occasional slam-bam-thank-you-mam-snore.
3. To be fair . . . some women and even children seem to push their husbands and fathers to achieve ever more to keep up with the neighbors in terms
of all the latest gadgets, fashions, etc. And fathers who had inadequate bonding with their fathers feel inadequate to begin with so they strive hard
at work fantasizing that THEN someone will respect them, love them, approve of them--FINALLY.
4. Dads can be emotionally absent because their dads did not train them nor model for them what it means to bond emotionally age 0-6 with each unique
5. Besides, most men construe emotions to be a female thing. Since emotions can't be controlled, sawn, cut, drilled, nailed nor sorted very tangibly
. . . how can a man deal with them successfully, productively? Most men are mystified and give up before they start. Again, a lack of a healthy
emotionally gifted, emotional IQ gifted father of teir own . . . they never learned how.
6. And too many are too wimpy or fearful to learn That would mean (A) that they'd have to admit they didn't know everything--tweaking all their
chronic insecurity buttons again. Then, they'd (B) have to submit from a position of weakness to a teacher who'd know more than they do--and try and
humbly LEARN something applicable. Scary stuff even to humongous football players.
7. Fathers can be absent in the listening department. They just never learned to listen well. No one taught them. They didn't seek out anyone who
could and would teach them. They have no idea what reflective listening, active listening is. They could paraphrase someone else's words effectively
if their lives epended on it and they'd feel stupid trying. But they can learn IF they will humble themselves and DETERMINE to do so.
8. Fathers can be absent in the persistence department. Lots of children like most humans can be resistent to overtures at first--ESPECIALLY IF A BOND
HAS NOT BEEN ESTABLISHED THE FIRST WEEKS AND MONTHS OF LIFE AND MAINTAINED 0-8 YEARS OR SO. The child may tend to feel that an overture from Dad is
too good to be true and won't be a reliable thing anyway--so why risk it emotionally--it'll just be pulled out from under them when they most need
it anyway--so why be vulnerable yet again.
9. Fathers can be absent in the courage department--the courage to be human, vulnerable--admitting their own flaws and showing that flaws can be
learned from and overcome instead of the end of the story. Again, the fathers' insecure childhood is a major cause of such failings. They hurt too
much as children and ever since. So the pain of being vulnerable and embarrassed over not being perfect is a seriously huge one.
10. Fathers can be absent in the fun department. Insecurely raised fathers tend to focus too much on the rat race . . . or on the hole instead of on
the doughnut. Children learn massively in a context of fun. But many fathers never had fathers who were fun so they didn't learn how to have fun--to
be silly, serentipitous, spontaneous--regardless of what onlookers or passers by might think. Kids are priceless--THEIR OPINIONS should be the MOST
important after God's and wife's.
If you are a pretty decent father--look around--see if there's a young father you can take under your wing and mentor, coach, befriend, encourage.
If you are a pretty p*ss poor father . . . read . . . it's cheaper than a counselor. Talk to excellent fathers. Get some videos from Amazon.com or
Focus on the Family.
Take an excellent father to breakfast once a week for 6 months. Pick his brain and learn from his habits, values, priorities.
WARNING FATHERS--you will either pay your children their due
in terms of . . .
--continued next post-- fixd spell n title
[edit on 27/7/2007 by BO XIAN]