Have You Experienced Adult Bullying?

This is a thorny issue. I have seen bullying as a school student (to other pupils), as a University student to a 'geeky' student and as a teacher to another teacher. I hate it! However, I was surprised to find myself at the end of it during work in Newbury UK for the best part of two years. What verbal harassment will do is just as powerful as a kick in the guts - it demeans the recipient and is meant to lower their self esteem until they break or leave the job.

I then had to dig deep to oppose the bullying but have seen it repeated with a teacher recently. It only stopped when he went to the Union.

It just makes me wonder: Is it due to a victim mentality, a bullying mentality, a herd mentality or is it about basic human rights?

Its a rude awakening when an adult behaves in less than appropriate manner and bullies people.

Have i experienced it? YES- BUT, having lived and experienced many things, i dont take things sitting down anymore. What i do is let things slide, try diplomacy, attempt nice chat, and if that doesnt work, i go for their jugulars and make it known that i am not a punching bag and go pick on someone else-preferably at a bar.

Being nice is not going to make people like you anymore. Period. I learned that many years ago. Its my nature to be nice, but i can be pushed over the edge just like the next person.

Try a little tenderness and then tell them to knock the s@#$ off.

Just some basic advise. For what its worth.

Originally posted by dgtempe
Its a rude awakening when an adult behaves in less than appropriate manner and bullies people.

Have i experienced it? YES- BUT, having lived and experienced many things, i dont take things sitting down anymore. What i do is let things slide, try diplomacy, attempt nice chat, and if that doesnt work, i go for their jugulars and make it known that i am not a punching bag and go pick on someone else-preferably at a bar.

Being nice is not going to make people like you anymore. Period. I learned that many years ago. Its my nature to be nice, but i can be pushed over the edge just like the next person.

Try a little tenderness and then tell them to knock the s@#$ off.

Just some basic advise. For what its worth.

ditto.

I agree withe the sentiments guys. However, I feel that the herd instinct in a workplace is an overriding factor. Anyone who sticks up for a bullied individual can find him/herself in the same boat. People may not agree with the herd but keep quiet out of fear.

Dude, you make it sound like you almost like it and are totally defenseless.

STOP THAT.

YOU can start a trend that makes it quite clear there will be no bullying.

You need to get tough. No offense, but i can see just by your words here that you need to toughen up.

Eat an owl or something.

I'm not laughing at you, i'm trying to make you see that you need to develop thicker skin.

Originally posted by dgtempe
Dude, you make it sound like you almost like it and are totally defenseless.

STOP THAT.

YOU can start a trend that makes it quite clear there will be no bullying.

You need to get tough. No offense, but i can see just by your words here that you need to toughen up.

Eat an owl or something.

I'm not laughing at you, i'm trying to make you see that you need to develop thicker skin.

Thanks man, I like that ballsy attitude. However, I have HAD to develop a thick skin and some toughness just to get by. However, I have heard of a friend get bullied out of his job by 'eyes and ears' of the management passing on every single thing that he got wrong ; and I have been watching daytime TV where a Mum and her son got together after ten years for a tearful reunion.

I guess I'm just a bit emotional after that. Time for a man hug! Hey we're all men here...did you catch the Bull's game...!

I really dislike bullies, kids or adults. When I was young I was picked upon and bullied all of the time. I never understood why though. I mean, I went from 1 school where everyone played and got along wonderfully to another school where I was scorned from the 1st day. Kids are cruel, cruel, cruel. I won't tolerate that in/towards My children. I threaten severe punishment if I ever hear of My children bullying or picking on anyone -BUT, if My child is picked upon I've given My permission for them to knock the kids block off. As far as adults, yeah, I still experience it here & there, I tell them to $uc& off. I'm a big girl now!! Really, as an adult You needn't take crap from anyone. That's one of the great things about being 'grown-up', right behind eating as much candy as You want and staying up as late as You want. As far as anyone else stepping in? Don't count on it, it is Your battle. Stand firm and strong and tell 'em to pi$$ off.

Peace. K*

Oi! Leave the Owls alone - Try some tiger penis. Just kidding.

I've never really run with the heard, but I am an opinionated little bugger. (You could almost say gobby) I've working in several places where bullying has taken place.

Where the boss bullies all the staff.

This was not a nice place to work, people couldn't leave because at the time jobs were hard to come by in that sector. It was a put up or shut up kind of deal. When the boss and the owner are in each others pants. What can you do! I was there as a contract worker 2 days a week and I rocked the boat - and got reassigned. I got a warning from my boss for said rocking.

Where the staff are grouped in gangs.

Not so bad this one! I worked in casinos for a while, and in one place I worked their was some very set groups of people. The old guard, old timers all with families and kids and stuff - I come to work I go home - regular guys I suppose. Then there was the youngster, the party people. I should have fitted in to this group, but because I had my own friends not work related, I couldn't be part of the hard core casino posse and then some words were said and I was about as popular as Ebola! Then someone pushed me - I pushed back! 4 of them pushed er 3 of them held me a one got verbal and spat in my face. I took a bit of a beating, but got in a few good hits and then an older guy stepped in and stopped it.

Now as luck would have it or not, I happened to pick up a dose of the dreaded itchy strachys (Crabs) about the same time. I went to the Dr and got some shampoo type stuff, but before I used it I picked a few of the little beggers off (quite a few) and the next night at work I found some time to put them around the collars of these peoples coats.

It worked like a charm, because there was a few off them, someone couldn't keep there mouths shut. HUGLY funny.

One of the guys apologised to me at a later date and was a good mate for a while and then we went our own ways - Never told him about the crabs though!

Not sure if that helps in any way really, but jobs and work in general are a lot easier if you go with the flow - I can't do it. I'm self employed now and have been for a few years. There's always an ass4ole at pretty much every job. Just got to let them know you get nothing from me, move along!

Failing that give um CRABS!

MonKey

I have heard of adult bullying, but I can't imagine what it entails... How do people bully one another? Threaten to beat you up if you don't give them your coffee money? I'm not doubting you, I'd just like to know what bullying means to adults.

Originally posted by Heronumber0
Time for a man hug! Hey we're all men here...did you catch the Bull's game...!

In fact, we're not all men here. And that was true even before I showed up.

Adult bullying is quite common, but it's not always physical. Sometimes, it's bullying through emotional abuse or through intimidation in the workplace.

Here are some interesting links.

www.bullyonline.org...

www.bullyonline.org...

mysite.verizon.net...

Google Search

Dignity & respect in the workplace.

The industry that employs me and many others have enforced a policy to banish employee/managerial bullying whis is overseen by a voluntary group of employees and management volunteers.
Personally I have never witnessed any verbal, psychological or physical bullying at all.
As a workforce we do tend to have an occupational bonding & help each other out in many ways. The workplace atmosphere is quite serene.
I am sure there can be many instances in industries and companys where cultural clashes and personal differences create unharmonious relationships. Changing attitudes to bullying in any form is a subject that needs debating to dissect and analyse why certain individuals or groups do this.
It is likely to involve race, culture, religion, sexual orientation, class, envy, straightforward hatred ,age, grade,social status or other personal reasons.
Whatever the cause it requires peer pressure and determination to stamp it out. Lets do it!

It's a issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind others, they don't matter. It's your own self worth that comes into play. I had to deal with this in the private sector, to the point of being fired by a GM that just didn't like me. Cool. Screw him. I was a good employee for them and it was their loss. Didn't bother me at all. It turned out to be the best thing for me. Less than a year later I bagged a gov't job that payed my 50% more than that other job. Now I'm Union and NO ONE can touch me.

Usually when someone is being a jerk its because of there own insecurities so they make other people feel lower making them feel bigger. I just laugh it off.

Now if they try to physically bully me ill defend myself, even if it takes a weapon(9mm).

Yep i sure have, it takes it toll, and eventually they do get to you. It took many years.

I thought kids in primary school were bad, but adults can be far more worse. Sexual haressment is about intimidation, and males who go through it, cannot talk about it. Its just laughed of because males are supposed to be obsessed with females and supposed to love all that rubbish. But what if your not and its a way to intimidate you.

If i said i was assaulted by females people would just laugh and say grow up, but if like for example two males did to a women what 2 females did to me in 1 instance while i was working, they would be charged with sexual assault. I left that job, and they were worried i would sue for sexual haressment, but i just wanted to get away from them.

I even saw on the news the other week, there was a piece on male sexual haressment at work, and how the presenter thought it was funny. But from what i have experienced it was not funny, and it wrecked my life. Not being interested in females and the cr*p like this put me right of working in those situations.

When your young if you go through things, it sometimes makes it hard for you to deal with what to other people is nothing. But haressment by adults is no joke, and is far worse than any thing kids can do.

The last job i went to to, i had people threatening to stick a knife up my arse, unless i proved to them i was interested in females. I would come home from that job so pissed of(i had to move back into my parents), and imagine this. My mum came upto my room and said they are trying to forcxe you to have sex with a female. Can you imagine going to work, and not being interested in females and people non stop trying to force you to go with females. It just got to me at the end, and i stopped going. I have not worked since, i was just so sick of it. It just shows you that haressment at work, can get really bad, and sexual haressment is about power over an individual.

One thing i would say is why is there a double standard about males and females, why does society say that males should like the di*k being grabed and groped by females when they do not want it, but its wrong for males to even touch females. Males are supposed to have loved every bit of that stuff, but somehow females are the only ones violated when it happens to them.

I suppose thats what i get for having a victims mindset.

[edit on 7/25/2007 by andy1033]

Originally posted by andy1033

One thing i would say is why is there a double standard about males and females, why does society sday that males should like the di*k being grapped and groped by females when they do not wnat it.......

How come i never get that lucky.

Matter fact I wouldnt even get mad if a women rape me.

Originally posted by earth2

Originally posted by andy1033

One thing i would say is why is there a double standard about males and females, why does society sday that males should like the di*k being grapped and groped by females when they do not wnat it.......

How come i never get that lucky.

Matter fact I wouldnt even get mad if a women rape me.

see what i mean, it just sounds funny, and being male you cannot talk about it. people just think all males are obsessed with females, but what if there not. also reread my above post i have added more.

Thing about being male, is that it is good that a female cannot get you going if your not into them.

[edit on 7/25/2007 by andy1033]

Originally posted by andy1033
Yep i sure have, it takes it toll, and eventually they do get to you. It took many years.

I thought kids in primary school were bad, but adults can be far more worse. Sexual haressment is about intimidation, and males who go through it, cannot talk about it. Its just laughed of because males are supposed to be obsessed with females and supposed to love all that rubbish. But what if your not and its a way to intimidate you.

If i said i was assaulted by females people would just laugh and say grow up, but if like for example two males did to a women what 2 females did to me in 1 instance while i was working, they would be charged with sexual assault. I left that job, and they were worried i would sue for sexual haressment, but i just wanted to get away from them.


I suppose thats what i get for having a victims mindset.

[edit on 7/25/2007 by andy1033]

Andy, I think you have touched on an aspect which all bullying behaviour shows - a need for power. Regardless of the causes from culture to race or sexuality, the bully wants power. However as has been said before, you are an adult now and you have a choce of mindset. You do not have to take crap from anyone. If you are stuck, take a call centre job where this sort of thing will not happen. Join a Union and complain at the first re-occurrence of any bullying behaviour. You now have the power to change your thoughts and actions man, not them.

i suffer from adult bullying all the time tho it may be a slight racist attack aslo. im 100% brit all thru the generations but im dark skinned and also short so really goes against me. had a few physical attacks on me aswell but phased them off as trained in 2 martial arts. racism or bullying i dont know but cos im dark skinned im not fitting in??

Originally posted by madmartinez
i suffer from adult bullying all the time tho it may be a slight racist attack aslo. im 100% brit all thru the generations but im dark skinned and also short so really goes against me. had a few physical attacks on me aswell but phased them off as trained in 2 martial arts. racism or bullying i dont know but cos im dark skinned im not fitting in??

MM, have you contacted your Union about your fellow workers? Or the Personnel people? If you document everything it becomes far easier. Dates, physical incidents, verbal incidents, please note them down in a notebook. Do you now show caution around other people as a result of your experiences, because it will show?

If you can get some books on assertive behaviour and practise assertiveness until it becomes part of your character. This will take time and you may have to hurt people close to you at first until they notice the 'new' you. Hope this helps.

no union for me im self employed. this kind of behavior goes round on the streets anyway so not alot i can do but live with it and defend myself