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le devil

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posted on Jul, 21 2007 @ 04:02 PM
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Hello, I am looking for help on a spirituaI dilemma I am having and I am looking at help from so called alternative means...
have an interest in this because I am dealing with some schizoid delusions (or realities) involving the selling of my soul to the devil and subsequent damnation and the waiting for death so i can burn for all eternity. I am starting to learn about jung and reality tunnels as well as other form of spirituality like shamanism, egyptian (KMT) meditiation, voudon , palo, entuela kongo and lukumi and I am not sure if the voices i hear are real or not, or who they are. But I seem to have a conscious in my mind that tells me i have sold my soul and am damned and heading for hell. Sometimes he identifies himself as satan, many times he calls himself "me." or "the part of me that said no to the devil" (where as, I said yes)

I began to read metu neter, a book about an oracle similar to Ife... and read about the khabit in sphere 10 and the animal spirit of man, Im still learning but I think I may have succombed to this part of my psyche...


I have several theories as to why all this is happening. I have led up till recently a life containing a caustic family realtionship. I fought and argued with my brother and parents for many years and I am very ashamed of the evilI I have comitted verbally and in the uncontrolled use of my temper.

I now fear it is too late since this is what the voices tell me. I initially began having enormous dread in crowds and hearing a dark male voice telling me bad things about myself. this was under the influence of marijuana. At this time my family issues were not being adequately worked on and I was struggling in college.

Eventually, when high, the voice identified himself as the devil. One time, when high I sold him my soul and immediately knew that i was going to hell and going to burn for all time.

A lot of this might have to do with imprinting of religious ideas and projections. The actuall beings i hear may be thought complexes or personalities from my collective unconscious that have found my ego and like to intrude on it.

I have heard schizoid thought is a defense mechanism that is caused by stress and that this is my particular defense mechanism. I am convinced my family relationship and negative actions influenced this whole process.

I am wondering if you understand or can offer any insight into this. And if you can point me to any authors or thinkers or philosophies that could provide assistance.



I was wondering if this is my personal god or lower power, and is it evil and mean becauseI was evil and mean? OR is this the inner power that was in my since birth that has shaped my actions from the unconscious since birth. (I often think i am a demon, or was just born bad, and the voice often agrees that I am demonic or a bad seed)

In public i am distraught because I think I have connections with other lost souls who are also grimly awaiting merciless punishment in hell.

I also hear voices in public that make me think i am picking up other peoples thoughts but only if the thoughts have to do with my status as a damned soul, a person that "is finished" and that "nothing can be done for."


Well I just wanted to see if you could offer any advice.

thank you,




posted on Jul, 21 2007 @ 04:06 PM
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Sounds like you're going thru some rough stuff. Have you tried professional assistance?



posted on Jul, 21 2007 @ 04:16 PM
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yes, they say I have a thought disorder and Im working on ignoring voices/thoughts and getting on with life



posted on Jul, 21 2007 @ 04:18 PM
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I wish you the best, man. It is my understanding that many important people throughout the years have struggled with what you do and yet they ended up being major successes so there's no reason to believe you can't do the same.



posted on Jul, 21 2007 @ 07:13 PM
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I'm no expert on any of this, so take my analysis with a fair-sized grain of salt, but my first impression is that you have one singular problem: forgiveness.

I'm an atheist, but I believe that we are each "gods" of our own realities. I believe that religious beliefs are simply metaphors. When people say they need to "repent", I believe it has everything to do with them seeking forgiveness not from an outside entity, but from themselves.

I know very little about mental disorders such as schizoid disorders or the like, but it may indeed be caused by you disassociating yourself with a part of yourself that you do not agree with, (which apparently is a PAST part of yourself.) Disassociating parts of yourself from the other parts do not eradicate them, but only remove them to the farthest reaches of your mind. They will always be part of you, and thus you need to learn to live with them. Forgiving yourself for past transgressions may be hard, but it's an obstacle that must be overcome if we are to be whole and at peace with ourselves.

I wrote a short poem that I feel is relevant, so I'm gonna add it here:

I'm not proud of everything I've done.
But I have no regrets, not a single one.
If it hadn't been for the mistakes I've made
I wouldn't be the man that I am today.

In other words, everyone does things they aren't proud of, but you need not regret these things for they are all learning experiences. Making mistakes are what pave the way for us to become what we truly want to be.

In order to forgive yourself you may have to seek some forgiveness from those you've hurt, but that's not necessary. If you know you've learned from your mistakes, and recognize you were wrong, but can live with being a fallible human, as we all are, then all that is left is to continue on with life and make DIFFERENT mistakes from now on.

The only hell I believe in is the one we create for ourselves as we punish ourselves for our past transgressions. Your soul can only be "rented" out, if you will. You may have given it up temporarily, but there is no eternity of damnation waiting for you. You're in damnation right now, and forgiving yourself will bring you out of it.

Just my own thoughts, not meant to be a clinical diagnosis or anything. Hope all goes well, and I'm sure you'll find your way out of hell. (You're not alone there by the way, most of us are there ourselves.)

[edit on 21/7/07 by an3rkist]



posted on Jul, 22 2007 @ 02:54 PM
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thank you I am getting professional/clinical help. I was just wondering if any initiation systems talk about stuff like this. I understand that in gnosticism the indwelling divinity has to conquer the dark parts of the mind, in egyptian initiation, set has to be overthrown by the resurrected osirus. and in christian mythology, im just screwed.



posted on Jul, 22 2007 @ 03:30 PM
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Valentino, After I had the opportunity to accept Christ at fourteen and declined ,(I had too much partying to do) My life became noticeably "harsh". My childlike enthusiasm diminished as my dependancy on cigarettes,alcohol and drugs increased. The first hallucination I had was when I smoked a joint that had liquid L.S.D. or something on it. I didn't know it and I was only 17. I saw the devil's face,or a minor entity. He was purple and he had leaves swirling around him and he was talking to me. I don't know what he said , but I wasn't too scared. I was talking back to him. Later, I had an abortion bacause I didn't know it was a baby at three mos.I thought it was a blob of flesh. (I quit school in 9'th grade)Anyway, I saw the same entity, or something similar to it, again. I was on the recovery table and he was talking to me . It was bad news but I couldn't remember what exactly it was when I woke up. I felt like my life was over. I was just waiting to die. 4 years later,I was sitting at home one Sunday morning I was watching T.V. and I couldn't find the remote. My hangover was really bad, so I decided to watch the old preacher on. I thought he sounded truthful but, I believed the god of the bible thought that women were just chattel for men's use. So I made a deal .I said God ,If you can show me in the bible a place where you show you love women as much as men I will accept you.I opened the bible and voila! There it was! I asked Jesus to forgive everything and he did. You can't lose your soul eternally by saying you give the devil your soul. Repent and be baptised It's simple. Can anyone tell me how to format paragraphs?



posted on Jul, 22 2007 @ 03:31 PM
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Oh , yeah I'm not GeneralT., I'm his wife.



posted on Jul, 22 2007 @ 03:50 PM
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BV,

Have you ever dabbled in satanism or "black magic"? If so, you may have opened yourself up to malevolent forces. Since you mentioned Jung, he called these things, in combination, "the Shadow". They can be dangerous if you deal with them unprepared, and if you used some sort of occult practice to call them, they will need to be put down.

If this is not the case, I strongly suggest speaking to another mental health professional, as these are indeed symptoms of schizophrenia.

[edit on 22-7-2007 by Masonic Light]



posted on Jul, 22 2007 @ 03:56 PM
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yes I have been told that this is from my shadow.



posted on Jul, 22 2007 @ 04:37 PM
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Not to steer you away from Psychologists and such, but i had bad depression after my loss of child and I went to psychiatrists. I had been hearing a "radio" in my head playing things that seemed to be coming from nowhere (I hadn't heard the songs lately or anything) but they seemed to tell me things through music. The doctor put me on Haldol in addition to the lithium(for bipolar),stelezine(for paranoia) and tegretol(I don't remember what for) and it almost killed me. I was in a mental facility in Georgia I became pregnant again and was resolved never to have another abortion, so I checked myself in to combat depression and stay away from cigarettes and drugs but I had a miscarriage. After that my doctor seemed to triple my meds and the Haldol was bad. I was in a walking coma. I was drooling, I had memory loss and I had more Hallucinations(not scary ones) The doctor told my parents to join a support group because I would never be well. My mom would tell me to request a doctor change but I couldn't even do that and since I checked myself in That was the only way I could get off my meds. My Daddy threatened them with bodily harm and another doctor offered his services, Thank God. I woke up and said what's going on? I saw that alot at the private facility with other patients. One guy whom we called the "mayor" had had 13 shock treatments, but he acted rather normal ( He was a card) Some of this is hard to tell but I hope it helps We'll pray for you. GeneralT.s' wife



posted on Jul, 22 2007 @ 05:27 PM
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Originally posted by Masonic Light
BV,

Have you ever dabbled in satanism or "black magic"?

[edit on 22-7-2007 by Masonic Light]


I did some very amateurish calling. I was already hearing things and I wanted a divine answer to all my religious questions

are there rituals or self trance or hypnotic methods that would allow me to get in contact with these things in the mind and calm them or put them in their proper place?

[edit on 22-7-2007 by bro valentino]



posted on Jul, 22 2007 @ 06:10 PM
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Tanzan and Ekido were once traveling together down a muddy road. A heavy rain was still falling.

Coming around a bend, they met a lovely girl in a silk kimono and sash, unable to cross the intersection.

"Come on, girl" said Tanzan at once. Lifting her in his arms, he carried her over the mud.

Ekido did not speak again until that night when they reached a lodging temple. Then he no longer could restrain himself. "We monks don't go near females," he told Tanzan, "especially not young and lovely ones. It is dangerous. Why did you do that?"

"I left the girl there," said Tanzan. "Are you still carrying her?"


www.ashidakim.com...



A soldier named Nobushige came to Hakuin, and asked: "Is there really a paradise and a hell?"

"Who are you?" inquired Hakuin.

"I am a samurai," the warrior replied.

"You, a soldier!" exclaimed Hakuin. "What kind of ruler would have you as his guard? Your face looks like that of a beggar."

Nobushige became so angry that he began to draw his sword, but Hakuin continued: "So you have a sword! Your weapon is probably much too dull to cut off my head."

As Nobushige drew his sword Hakuin remarked: "Here open the gates of hell!"

At these words the samurai, perceiving the master's discipline, sheathed his sword and bowed.

"Here open the gates of paradise," said Hakuin.


www.rider.edu...

[edit on 22-7-2007 by pai mei]

[edit: added appropriate and necessary
external source tags]

[edit on 22-7-2007 by 12m8keall2c]



posted on Jul, 22 2007 @ 07:38 PM
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When I took art therapy, my therapist had me draw the voice in my head (not as bad as yours, the one that always said I was "less-than"). Once I'd drawn it, it was easier to deal with, like I'd gotten it out of my head and onto paper.

I'd suggest sitting down with a great big piece of art paper and some colored markers or pencils and letting your subconscious guide your hand. Ask yourself to reveal the speaker, and draw it on the page. See what happens.



posted on Jul, 23 2007 @ 08:12 AM
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Originally posted by bro valentino


I did some very amateurish calling. I was already hearing things and I wanted a divine answer to all my religious questions

are there rituals or self trance or hypnotic methods that would allow me to get in contact with these things in the mind and calm them or put them in their proper place?


Yes. A very simple method is called the Lesser Banishing Ritual of the Pentagram. It clears both the immediate physical environment, as well as the psyche, from negative influences. It is sort of like a spiritual broom that sweeps away spiritually unwanted dust.

I would recommend that you not attempt to contact these forces, nor hold any conversations with them, should they attempt to initiate one.

The Pentagram Ritual is the basis of White Magick, and is purifying. Instructions for performing it can be read here. To view a demo of the ritual by Frater I.A., see here.



posted on Jul, 23 2007 @ 08:43 AM
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sounds like you come from a strict relgious or very spiritual family (i'm guessing christian). you are most likely between 18-21. you've introduced drugs into your life and i don't think your mind can handle it. and never will. stop doing hallucinogens. everytime you do them you will think you are dead or have died. this is more common than people think. you have probably created some very damaging psychosis that is now triggered in your young imaginative growing mind. the young adult is very suceptible to schizophrenia.

to be honest your guilt is a product of your family up bringing and you will need to return to those teachings and practice it daily to bring yourself peace. imho.



posted on Jul, 23 2007 @ 01:38 PM
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Well, you obviously are a spiritual person and have looked into many different beliefs. Some of those can be dangerous and I agree with Masonic Light...you may have opened a door. I've found that calling on Christ and asking for his guidance and forgiveness helps a lot. Hope you can find your way!



posted on Jul, 26 2007 @ 07:23 PM
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Lol get off the drugs and get a job, buddy



posted on Aug, 4 2007 @ 09:50 PM
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ive got job interviews all week



posted on Aug, 5 2007 @ 07:59 AM
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Originally posted by Masonic Light

Originally posted by bro valentino


I did some very amateurish calling. I was already hearing things and I wanted a divine answer to all my religious questions

are there rituals or self trance or hypnotic methods that would allow me to get in contact with these things in the mind and calm them or put them in their proper place?


Yes. A very simple method is called the Lesser Banishing Ritual of the Pentagram. It clears both the immediate physical environment, as well as the psyche, from negative influences. It is sort of like a spiritual broom that sweeps away spiritually unwanted dust.

I would recommend that you not attempt to contact these forces, nor hold any conversations with them, should they attempt to initiate one.

The Pentagram Ritual is the basis of White Magick, and is purifying. Instructions for performing it can be read here. To view a demo of the ritual by Frater I.A., see here.





Ml, was he trying to make tha ritual comical? I try not to make fun of people but when I watched the demo video I lost it man. I went into hysterical , uncontrolable laughing that I couldn't stop for a moment. Is he for real?



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