Airline Humo

Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a high
school diploma to fix one. Reassurance for those of us who fly
routinely in our jobs.



After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a
"gripe-sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft.
The mechanics correct the problems; document their repairs on the
form--and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here
are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots
(marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by
maintenance engineers.







By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never, ever,
had an accident.







P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.



S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
- - -



P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.



S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
- - -



P: Something loose in cockpit.



S: Something tightened in cockpit.
- - -



P: Dead bugs on windshield.



S: Live bugs on back-order.
- - -



P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute
descent.



S : Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
- - -



P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.



S: Evidence removed.
- - -



P: DME volume unbelievably loud.



S: DME volume set to more believable level.
- - -



P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.



S: That's what friction locks are for.



P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.



S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
- - -



P: Suspected crack in windshield.



S: Suspect you're right.
- - -



P: Number 3 engine missing.



S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
- - -



P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)



S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
- - -



P: Target radar hums.



S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
- - -



P: Mouse in cockpit.



S: Cat installed.
- - -



And the best one for last..................







P: Noise coming from under instrument panel.
Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.



S: Took hammer away from midget.

Ok, this was completely classic. I got a great laugh. Good job, would love to hear more! :laughs:

Very funny and knowing a few aircraft engineers very true!

A helicopter company I did some contract work for had a chief engineer whose fav saying was. "10 and half tonnes of shi5 and smell, one day it'll fall outta the sky!"

LMAO, mon! That gave me the best laugh, thanks

I take it you work for an airline? I think I've seen another thread of this nature by you. Also had a good laugh on that one, if I remember.

Thanks for sharing, buddy

--Kit.

Brilliant.

My fave

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.



S: Evidence removed.

LMAO, also Took hammer away from Midget, classic...
Thanks.