It looks like you're using an Ad Blocker.

Please white-list or disable in your ad-blocking tool.

Thank you.


Some features of ATS will be disabled while you continue to use an ad-blocker.


Airline Humo

page: 1

log in


posted on Jul, 12 2007 @ 09:29 PM
Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a high
school diploma to fix one. Reassurance for those of us who fly
routinely in our jobs.

After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a
"gripe-sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft.
The mechanics correct the problems; document their repairs on the
form--and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here
are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots
(marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by
maintenance engineers.

By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never, ever,
had an accident.

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.

S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
- - -

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.

S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
- - -

P: Something loose in cockpit.

S: Something tightened in cockpit.
- - -

P: Dead bugs on windshield.

S: Live bugs on back-order.
- - -

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute

S : Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
- - -

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.

S: Evidence removed.
- - -

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.

S: DME volume set to more believable level.
- - -

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.

S: That's what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.

S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
- - -

P: Suspected crack in windshield.

S: Suspect you're right.
- - -

P: Number 3 engine missing.

S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
- - -

P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)

S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
- - -

P: Target radar hums.

S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
- - -

P: Mouse in cockpit.

S: Cat installed.
- - -

And the best one for last..................

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel.
Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.

S: Took hammer away from midget.

posted on Jul, 12 2007 @ 11:36 PM
Ok, this was completely classic. I got a great laugh. Good job, would love to hear more! :laughs:

posted on Jul, 13 2007 @ 02:00 AM
Very funny and knowing a few aircraft engineers very true!

A helicopter company I did some contract work for had a chief engineer whose fav saying was. "10 and half tonnes of shi5 and smell, one day it'll fall outta the sky!"

posted on Jul, 14 2007 @ 01:49 AM
LMAO, mon! That gave me the best laugh, thanks

I take it you work for an airline? I think I've seen another thread of this nature by you. Also had a good laugh on that one, if I remember.

Thanks for sharing, buddy


posted on Jul, 15 2007 @ 07:36 AM

My fave

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.

S: Evidence removed.

LMAO, also Took hammer away from Midget, classic...

new topics

top topics

log in