posted on Jul, 11 2007 @ 11:01 AM
So my son will be turning FIVE in two weeks! FIVE! Zoinks!
I was sittin' there doin' some thinkin' about that. I couldn't fall asleep, so I pulled up my photo album and went through all of our photos.
Photos from the second he was born, up until last weekend.
It really did set me to thinkin' and reflectin' and stuff..............
Before he was born, I never wanted children. I liked the freedom of being able to just pick up and go skiing for a weekend, or going out to the pub on
a moments notice. When we were pregnant, I was terrified. I thought that my life was over. I wondered how I was going to afford this. How terrible a
father I would be. Would I have animosity towards this baby for ruining my life?
The night my wifes water broke, I was almost suicidal with fear. She took a quick shower while I packed the car with the things she would need for her
stay. Man, I thought, I need a drink something awful! I drove her to the hospital. I literally can't tell you what I was thinking on that 10 minute
ride. We got to the hospital approx. 6:30 pm. We went to the 4th floor, which is ONLY for Birthing, and new parents until it was time to go home after
a couple day stay. On the way up, a nurse said "Oh, you're going to the fun floor!"
I thought to myself 'the fun floor? You have to be kidding me! Man, this elevator is so freakin' small. I can't breathe.....'
Oh by the way - while I'm freakin' out and stuff, my wife was as calm as can be. You'd think we were going to pick up a pizza. She amazes me. The
big stuff? She handles it fine. But the small stuff? Hah, forget about it! She goes berserk. If a microscopic spec of dirt gets tracked in on my shoe
- Let me tell you - Armageddon is childs play in comparison.....
So we go to the room where this was going to happen. A table, a bunch of machines, a couple of chairs - which were surprisingly comfortable - and a TV
mounted to the wall. I do remember that American Idol was on. I remember Justin Guarinis big mop of hair as he sang. Why I remember that, I don't
know..... I really do worry about myself sometimes.....
Anyway she got prepped, while I paced. Then my mother in law shows up. I truly love her, but I was so not in the mood to hear her tell me fifty times
"This is so exciting! You must be so excited!"
I'm thinkin' "Yeah, this is just great............" While I wore as close to a smile on my face as I could.
By 9:00, she was dilated enough to get serious. They administered her epidural. YIKES! I have even more respect for her than I did before, and that
kiddies is saying something. I almost passed out watching them poke that needle into her spine, she just sat there watching the TV - Kelly Clarkson
was singing. Ok, time for the Mother in law to say bye bye.
I held my wifes hand and was as supportive as I could be. Lot's of pushing.
Man, I am so glad that I'm a man!
At 1:48 am my son came into this world. With shaking hands I cut the cord. The doctor was wearing gloves. The doctor put him in my hands. My hands
were the first flesh to ever touch him outside of the womb. His eyes were squinting, and his mouth was pursed as he tried to make sense of what was
going on. He looked at me, and his tiny little hand "grabbed" my finger. My life was changed forever in that moment. I've never known love like I
felt right then before. At that instant, I knew that I lived for this baby. With tears of joy dancing down my cheeks, I gave him back to the doctor so
they could clean him up. They cleaned him up, wrapped him in a towel, and gave him to his mother. I watched as she held him for the first time, and I
realized just how very lucky I am.
I likened his life to an empty chalice. That I could fill it with knowledge, and a plethora of other things, that would ultimately affect his
As he grew I watched the curiosity as he experienced things for the first time. I am always keenly aware of his 'first time' things. The first time
he saw a bug. The first time he ate ice cream. The first time he held a crayon. The first time we went on a pumpkin picking hayride. The wonder on his
face as he experienced these things that I take for granted. I try to raise my son in alot of the same ways as my parents raised me. Trust me, I
don't want to be exactly like them, but they did more good than bad. My parents were color blind. We lived on Army bases, and our friends, neighbors,
and classmates made up every single race, religion, creed that there is. My son will never be taught hate.
I try to introduce him to a vast array of different things, and let him decide what he likes. I will support him in whatever he likes. He is the
gentlest soul. He is very loving, and he has taught me so many things.
Hey little Buddy, I love you. I am so proud of what you've achieved. I'm a better man because of you.
Happy Birthday Son! Daddy loves you more than life itself
[edit on 11-7-2007 by lombozo]