I thought I would turn here today to get this off my chest.. Its been a long time comming, and IM about to break..
Let me start off with the past.. I was married to a beautiful woman that was the love of my life since highschool. Her name was Naomi. I loved her
with all my heart, we where soulmates brought to the terra to exp life together.. We where married 6 years, and together for 10 years. But knew
eachother most our lives.
Well not to long ago, she was killed in a very bad car wreck.. My life has turned upside down, I lost my bussiness, my house, and my car..
Everything we did was 50/50. We shared the bills, we shared everything right down the line. After she died I couldnt bring myself to walking into
the same house, using the same car ect.. So I went and crawled into the local woods and layed down to just die.. I didnt want to kill myself let me
add, its not that bad.. But I just wanted to lay down.. I feel asleep in the woods and woke up the next day with ants and little buggers crawling all
over me.. I look to the sky and ask, why... Why when just last week I was so damn happy, and now Im out in the woods all by myself with no one in my
life now, covered with bugs.. And a really bad hang over..
My family came to find me, but didnt find me at my house, they got worried and one of my friends finally come out to the woods thinking the worse..
He found me and was like man, what are you doing out here..
"oh just thinking about life, and how funny things are man" I reply..
So I get back on my feet, go and clear out the house, and move back in with my mother here in florida.. I didnt go back to work, becasue Naomi and I
worked together, and I just couldnt go in and do what we use to do without breaking down in tears.. I just cant do this anymore.. I was afraid of what
my life was leading too.
Im still not sure where my life is going to lead after this.. Its been almost 1 year now since she died.. I have started working agin, but ride a
bike. I dont drive I cant afford it solo.. I cant afford living in a nice house solo..
I just dont have the strenght to be as passoinate about ilfe as I once was..
After typing all that out, Im not sure what I really want.. Sertinly not your pity.. But perhaps some words from other who lost someone that was so
close to you that when they left, your world fell apart..
I dont seek professional help from this, I dont belive in shrinks, they only want my money.. Besides I didnt go and get all wacked out on crack and
hurtanyone.. Just me and a bottle of Jack, and the woods is as far out as I got for a few days... But my heart hurts today.. Thinking about how
things came to be.. I dont blame God for taking her life.. I know we all live and die.. Its part of the plan.. But man... It hurts so bad, I wish
someone could just give me a hug.. I guess thats all I really need anyway..
thanks for listening