I Need A Bit Of Advice On Porn

anxietydisorder

It's a very difficult one...I am totally sickened by child porn and the like and would string the f**s up... however ...I am not sure telling the parents is the right thing to do!... as this seems to be just pictures and video with no sexual actions (im assuming that from your description... if there is its a very very different story) with an adult... its just pictures and video of a human being of the boys age.

When young children sometimes need to have an emergency pee and parents take them behind a bush or wall to do so... I think many people have seen that happen in their lives, are they then implicit in pornographic displays of their children? Is this boy commiting a crime? hes a minor doing a natural thing.

I do support a previous poster who warned about the danger of imprinting an image on the boys make up and sexual, and therefore to a large extent personality of him when he is an adult.... however I don't think you looked at it closely enough.... he is looking at girls his own age totally naturally, its normal, as he grows older and gets older he will be attracted to and have encounters with girls his own age so his desires will change as he does. Some think it was fine if he was looking at normal porn, well thats not true, he will then find it hard to form bonds with girls of his own age. He will have an expectation of model like airbrushed women sexually submissive and for want of a better phrase "perfect".

I also worry as at that age he is just beginning probably to explore and form his sexuality, hormones are raging, his masculine and sexual identity is being formed, it is very fragile.

The embarrassment and "shame" that he will feel now at being confronted over this may stay with him for life, it obviously depends on the parents but I know from observation that sex and the ability to enjoy himself and explore his natural right will be tinged with guilt, shame, and secretiveness. Also anger will be there.
So he may then associate the pictures of young girls with these feelings, they will be anchored to these emotions, a strong emotional link. This is therefore more likely to make him not explore other porn he will be locked for life in a cycle of these emotions and anchored images.

He may also now instead of looking at those pictures as he did before naturally, humanely normally, now whilst masturbating to them include these new anchored cyclic emotions and feelings into the sex act. He will have felt some of his power was taking away (his closest secret, ego knocked by guilt shame, parents disapproving etc) and now try and take the power back from the thing that he will subconsciously blame..... the object of desire and affection.
He may therefore be much more likely to go on to become a sexual predator, using sex as power maybe even over children.

Each individual is differant though so I am only talking in broad scope terms and realise that, there are so many more factors that could add to the nightmare scenario I paint above. Socio economic, genetic, environmental and mainly the parents, probably to a large degree his first true girlfriend and definately his peer group.... but I had to say how I see it and go against the consensus.

That is of course, as I said, just a couple of pics natural, no posing or obvious porn, I think in that case maybe we should think carefully of this issue at such a delicate age, and make sure for the perceived but unknown breach of the rights of one child (photographed) we don't affect another child and potentially his whole life, and worst case scenario more children. Sometimes Knee jerk reactions can keep a cycle going not do what the action is intended to do, stop the cycle.

Personally I would have deleted the files as you did, made a story up about a special service, or check up you had to do on the PC in say 6 months time (for free) and seen then if more were their and decided on those what to do, ie real porn or girlfriends and mobile phone?

This might sound not right to many here who feel take them to the authorities to get the pedophiles.... well I agree if you know one kick seven types of sh**t out of him/her before getting the police, but lets be fair guys there are literally hundreds of thousands of child porn files of some type on the net, and out there, its sick but real.

I just think we should think on this terrible issue long and hard as a world and stop attacking the symptoms and look at the cause, how we treat children in everyday life who then grow up to become the sicko's. Is it worse that boy is looking at naked girls his own age, would you rather him go on to faces of death and see young men being decapitated? or sit and play a computer game of extreme violence for six hours then watch Rambo?...I think its more normal and healthier at his age to be allowed to explore his sexuality, than do that.

Just some thoughts. And at the end of the day I can see violence to children everywhere in society, sexually, emotionally, physically, spiritually, environmentally all these behaviors usually passed down from parents who learnt of their parents etc etc behaviours are in cycles... if only society for one generation concentrated on the 1-18 years olds for 18 years at the exclusion of all else, tackling these things head the world truly would be a differant place for their children, our grandchildren?

As a side note this has happened once, there is a North American Indian tribe, I forget from memory which, but before any decision was ever made by the council or chiefs would look at it from the effects on their grandchildren both now and when they became adults. Only the decisions that helped that part of the society the most, both now as children and when they became adults were taken and made.

anxietydisorder, whatever you doI support you in it and I hope I have not put any worries in your head, from the posts ive read of yours you seem to be good person and have a good heart so follow that.

Kind Regards

Elf.

ElfEdit Spelling & Gramah

[edit on 29-6-2007 by MischeviousElf]

Wow, you sure take your porn seriously!

I dunno about this one. I guess you really should stay out of it, Poster Number 1. It's good to know that you're a computer technician that isn't real chill with the kids, himself.

Originally posted by All Seeing Guy
...
It's good to know that you're a computer technician that isn't real chill with the kids, himself.

Which kid(s)? The one(s) viewing such or the Many who find themselves unwilling participants therein?

What say ye? All Seeing Guy.

Got kids?



 

Originally posted by 12m8keall2c

Originally posted by All Seeing Guy
...
It's good to know that you're a computer technician that isn't real chill with the kids, himself.

Which kid(s)? The one(s) viewing such or the Many who find themselves unwilling participants therein?

What say ye? All Seeing Guy.

Got kids?



 

I think my head's about to explode.

P.S. I don't have kids, homie.

Originally posted by All Seeing Guy
I think my head's about to explode.

WHY?

It was quite the simple question.

Which kid(s)?

The one(s) viewing such, or the Many who find themselves unwilling participants therein?

Again, what say ye ... All Seeing Guy?

Which kids are more profoundly affected? The viewers or the subject matters?

Sorry for taking things a bit off-topic Anx, but I do think it's relevant to the discussion at hand. NOT something to be ridiculed, dismissed, nor scoffed at. (?)


 

Originally posted by MischeviousElf
he is looking at girls his own age totally naturally, its normal, as he grows older and gets older he will be attracted to and have encounters with girls his own age so his desires will change as he does.

It isn't natural for anyone, of any age to be collecting or looking at child pornography. The children being exploited in the 'industry' are the ones we should be worrying about....not the sexual development of the young man looking at the stuff.

Originally posted by MischeviousElf
Some think it was fine if he was looking at normal porn, well thats not true, he will then find it hard to form bonds with girls of his own age. He will have an expectation of model like airbrushed women sexually submissive and for want of a better phrase "perfect".

When I was a kid there was no internet...we looked at playboy as did our fathers and grandfathers. We have all developed quite naturally and healthily.

Anyway the boy looking at the material is not my first concern. I care for the poor abused children that are being photographed and videotaped. A 13 year old boy downloading the stuff makes the same impact on the child pornography market as a 40 year old pedophile. It creates a market either way and will encourage the creation of more material and abuse of more children.

The best thing would have been if the OP was able to see where this stuff was downloaded so that it could be pursued by law enforcement.

When I began experiencing puberty, the kinds of women I lusted after were not underage. None of my peers lusted after underage women at this time, as far as I'm aware. Maybe he's having crazy sex parties with lady friends in his age group, but if you're talking about a wide variety of women, chances are this is internet porn and not pictures of friends. Almost needless to say, collecting internet porn of the underaged is troubling, regardless of age, and in my opinion should be reported, but only to the parents.

Originally posted by 12m8keall2c

Originally posted by All Seeing Guy
I think my head's about to explode.

WHY?

It was quite the simple question.

Which kid(s)?

The one(s) viewing such, or the Many who find themselves unwilling participants therein?

Again, what say ye ... All Seeing Guy?

Which kids are more profoundly affected? The viewers or the subject matters?

Sorry for taking things a bit off-topic Anx, but I do think it's relevant to the discussion at hand. NOT something to be ridiculed, dismissed, nor scoffed at. (?)


 

Obviously the unwilling participants.

Are you chill with the kids?

Forget that you ever saw them, he is a minor and he won't be the one getting into trouble. Your job is to fix their problems not report them to the police, I doubt you have a right to snoop into their personal files anyway. You should try not to be a snitch at all costs. That kid might even kill himself if you told his parents so think about that.

12m8keall2c
I totally agree that those children who are being abused should be protected and the people perpretating it are brought to justice.

I was only basing my view on the fact that the images from the description, may have been someone he knew who had participated willingly, if not as you state its a very differant thing indeed.

Kind Regards

Elf

Wait a minute...

Who says the 13 year old is the one looking at the pictures?

Maybe his father or older brother or someone else in the house uses is "account" to go online and look at those pictures?

If you were a parent and going to set up an internet account for your 13 year old, wouldn't you be monitoring what they were viewing and set parental controls? I would.


another thing... to the person who posted that it's the computer tech's job to only fix the machine and keep his nose out of it... what if he was working on a computer that was terrorist related, found plans and pics of the next target, should he also not report that?

He said it was a password protected folder so he was snooping on the kids computer which is illegal as he was not given the password. I wouldn't find terrorist related files because I wouldn't be snooping in the first place, I would just fix the problem. If I was a cop and it was my job to search for certain material and I had a warrant or consent then that would be a different story. I'm not Captain America and neither is anyone else.

anyone else in the home could also have the password. simple.

also, no one said the tech was snooping... I don't know much about computer repair, but I would imagine that when fixing certain problems, you're going to see what is on someone's computer, you wouldn't have to snoop to do so.

Well the cat is out of the bag, and speculation can end over the issue.

First off it has been suggested that I was snooping on the machine, and that's just not the case. I was asked by the father to clean out as many files on the machine as I could, plus get rid of a nasty virus. (wri.exe)

He gave me his password when he dropped it off, when I saw the computer had 3 accts. set up I asked him for those as well. He didn't know them, and I had to talk to each of his sons to get the other two passwords.
There was no snooping going on at all, I was doing what he asked me to do.


We had a talk yesterday that went really well, with no yelling or screaming, just a talk that brought about some understanding and a few changes.

It was indeed a girl he likes and has known for a number of months, sort of a first love for the kid. He admitted that they had gotten naked together, but swore they hadn't had sex yet.

Thinking back on my teen years I had done the same thing, we just didn't have a digital camera. Back in those days we had to rely on our memories of the moment.


I explained to him that if pictures like this get out on the web that there's no way to get them back, and they could end up getting passed around by perverts. I also explained the potential legal problems just for having picture like this.

Obviously his father was a little ticked off, and we've decided on some changes to computer usage in the home.

First, the computer has been moved from a private office area to a more public area in the living room. The screen is visible to anyone else in the room or from the kitchen.

Second, he no longer has a password protected admin. acct. on the computer, and his parents now know his e-mail address and password. He knows he can be checked up on at anytime.

Third, he can't add any software to the machine without his parents permission, and can't use any p2p services like Limewire or Shareaza.
He can still use MSN, but it will be watched more closely.

His dad also took his camera away from him, but I think he'll get that back after a while of good behavior.


I think it's become a lot more difficult to raise children these days, especially when the parents don't understand the technology the kids have access to.
But they're sensible parents that are doing their best to raise them well. The father even asked if he could see me later this week for a little lesson on how to use the computer a little better.


All in all I think it went well, and I'm sure the kid doesn't feel like he's been sent to the Gulag for having some fun with a friend. He knows how serious the world takes this sort of stuff, and the dangers involved.

I'm sure his father will be sitting down with him again soon to expand on the "facts of life" talk now that he's aware of his sons new found interest in girls.

Everyone's input was very valuable, and I thank-you for your help on a touchy subject.
So what do you think, did I handle this OK ???

good job... you did the right thing.

Thanks elevatedone,

As a fill in, he hasn't been banned from seeing his new girlfriend, but she is up at a cottage for a couple weeks with her family, and he goes to camp for the first part of August. A little cooling off might be a good thing.

He said there were no pictures of him, and the card in his camera had nothing questionable when his dad took it away from him, so that should be the end of it for now.

I even think his dad has a bit of pride that his son has his first girlfriend.

I'll second elevatedone's reply. Nice job Anx.

As an example of How Quickly these incidents of innocence can go South:

A while back a friend of mine has a knock on the door from State Trooper X. He shows him a picture and asks if that's his daughter [14]. Danny says, "Yes, but where did you get that from?" The trooper goes on to tell him it was found on a CD that a couple of boys at the high school had been circulating/selling. It turns out that the kids were exchanging photos via IMs and these boys were collecting them and burning them to disks. While most of the photos weren't "showing anything", there were a few girls that most certainly were (though, not his daughter). Somehow one of the teachers or admins got wind of this and called the two boys in. Due to the graphic nature of some of the photos, they contacted the State Police who took the issue quite seriously. Im not sure how things panned out and or if any charges were levied, but I do know it raised quite a fuss amongst the parents of thse involved/on the CD.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It's good to hear that things turned out well in your case, and it seems it was more an innocence/ignorance of youth issue than anything else. If only for the kids' sake, I'd say it was best to err on the side of caution ... as you did. Anx. Well done.


 

anxietydisorder
Well I think you handled this situation very well indeed, even considering some of the issues I raised myself above. As stated it all depends on the parents and their reaction to it and you seem to have made a good judgement call in notifying them. As stated by yourself and others things are differant now for children and their gaurdians than when many of us were growing up, I remember playing doctors and nurses, strip jack poker etc at that time in my life and there was certainly no abuse going on, but as said memories and not photographs is all our generation had to deal with.

I am glad his dad is happy at his first girlfriend and hopefully now they understand that he is now maturing sexually into a man they can guide him and protect him in a way that allows him the freedom and space to do this naturally but in a safe and protected for all involved environment.

I have thought of this a bit and I also think anxietydisorder you may need to make records of every thing that happened just in case any of these pictures did get out and come back to haunt you all at a later date. Also to provide you with a consistent but unoficial "policy" you might take to these issues arising in the future, especially in light of the story raised in the above posts. You need to try and protect yourself, the children and families if this arises again, so I would make notes of what happened and what the outcome was, even to the extent of getting the father to maybe write a statement or letter supporting/clarifying exactly what happened and how you dealt with it, to be kept by yeourselfprivately unless came up in the future.

Well done anxietydisorder I would not have liked to have been in your position, and I am glad you handled it as you did rather than getting the authorities involved which would have caused much stress and problems for all involved... probably leading to the girls parents not allowing the relationship to continue in a reactionary manner, and maybe leading to the fears I had above about what the effect could have been if he was punished in a authoriatrian way for normal behaviour.

I hope I helped you if you took anything from what I contributed and well done again.


Kind regards

Elf.

ElfEdit for spelling and to add:

You have voted anxietydisorder for the Way Above Top Secret award. You have two more votes this month.

[edit on 2-7-2007 by MischeviousElf]

I thought all who have followed this would find this very informative and interesting:

Daddy Was Watching: Secret Photos of Nude Daughter Weren't Illegal Under Massachusetts Law

In 2003, a young woman found nude pictures of herself on her adopted father's home computer. A resident of Massachusetts at the time, Crystal was shocked to learn that it was not illegal for her father to take these photos without her consent, and that no charges could be brought against him. Crystal took her story public, and the state law has since been changed.

ABC News

Kind Regards

Elf.

Originally posted by MischeviousElf
anxietydisorder

I have thought of this a bit and I also think anxietydisorder you may need to make records of every thing that happened just in case any of these pictures did get out and come back to haunt you all at a later date.

I'm very sure that the pictures are totally gone now, I ran a DOD wipe on the files before I did a restore and defrag. and an additional wipe of free space.
I also have this thread on ATS that documents the actions I took.

As I said in the first line of this thread, "I hope this doesn't come back and bite me in the ass". I'd hate to see the law involved in a case of youthful exuberance.
That would do more harm than good.

I feel pretty sure there are no other copies out there, he's an honest boy, and I think he was truthful when he told us how the images got into his files.
He admitted to looking for other girls on p2p, but I didn't see any saved images or videos that he downloaded, just a search history that had some questionable entries.

I will have access to this computer in the future, but I think a lesson has been learned, and this young man will do very well in the future.
He gets all A's & B's on his report card, and he has a promising life ahead of him.