Your view on young marriage?

What is your view on couples getting married young? Are young unions doomed to die or do you think love conquers all?

Ive been married for over a year to my husband and I have to say, after experiencing it, the supposed "pitfalls" of couples who get married young have not affected our relationship. I know many people who swear on their grave you should wait until a certain age before even thinking of marriage! Others say if you love someone it shouldnt matter...

what do you think?

As someone who was married the first time around at 20 and divorced at 21, I think that life has lots to do without sticking yourself into a relationship that's so permanent so young.

If my kids were thinking about it, I'd advise them to wait until they'd really lived life and knew who they were.

But then, over 50% of marriages are ending these days anyway, no matter how old the partners are.

After this horrid second marriage of mine, I'm going to go with "I think marriage needs to go." Contractual partnerships (renewable by 1, 5, and 10 year increments) make more sense to me now at this jaded end of my life.

But good for you! I hope it works out.

Watch out for the 7 year itch, though. It's a killer no matter how old you are.

Originally posted by MajorMalfunction

But good for you! I hope it works out.

Watch out for the 7 year itch, though. It's a killer no matter how old you are.

LOL what is the seven year itch??

I guess every couple wants to think they have the relationship that beats the statistics, but you really never know in the end.

Basically, it's when things start to get really humdrum. It's easy to fall into a rut.

The Seven-Year Itch

Experts observe that this phase is often characterized by feelings of restlessness and unhappiness over the state of your union. "Over time, people can find themselves drifting further and further apart and communicating less," says Nick Stinnett, Ph.D., professor of marriage and family studies at the University of Alabama.

www.lifetimetv.com...

And, from experience, it's a quite real phenomenon. It's the reason that it is wise to work on communication even when things are going well, otherwise bad habits creep in and the 7 year itch ends up being a prime reason for separation.

I was married the first time for 7 years, I married at age 21 and she was 20. The first 2-3 years were okay. We just got bored.

I don't think that either one of us was ready to be married at that age. Why, well I'm not really sure. I loved her, she loved me, but something was missing. We honestly just grew apart.

I've been married this time for only 1year 3 months, but I've been with her for 9 1/2 years. We lived together for 9 of those years. A little older and wiser, we're doing great, as much in love as day one.

As far as marriage in general, you have to be willing to give as much as you take.

I'm like a bird, man. A birds gotta be free, You can't cage no bird man!

I wonder why some couples just grow apart? a good marriage requires alot of work (but so does anything worth while). Ive heard the #1 reasons for divorce are money, and communication.

Technically, I think it's really just lack of good communication.

Money being a touchy subject, if people can't communicate well about it, then there is going to be trouble.

There's a lot to be said for going in for an occasional meeting with a marriage counselor even when there's not a problem to surmount. Learn the skills when there isn't pressure to do so. Or take a couples' retreat or something like that.

But then, if your husband were like my ex, then even that wouldn't help. But then, he's "special." :shk:

I've always been of the opinion that your first two marriages are just practice and a learning experience to use later on in life when you truly understand the difference between love and lust.

I've still got a lot to learn!

Bless your heart and good luck!!

Originally posted by nisurastar
I wonder why some couples just grow apart? a good marriage requires alot of work (but so does anything worth while). Ive heard the #1 reasons for divorce are money, and communication.

exactly... who would've thought...

Communication, there was little if any. I don't know why, I'd get up, go to work, come home, have dinner, usually just sit around or watch tv or something then go to bed. A lot of times, I'd sleep on the couch, I was being stubborn. My first wife wasn't very interested in sex. While I, we'll let's just say 2-3 times a day would be good.

No Serioulsy and I'm not being a pig or selfish, when I say 2-3 times, I don't mean just as pleasure for myself, I mean to give and receive and be there for her.

I'll admit that I could have tried harder with my first marriage, but the more I think about it, I honestly don't think I would have been happy.

I'm so glad that I had a chance to meet someone and fall in love again. I understand that this time, we must communicate to be happy and understand each other. I love her so much, even more than the first time I realized I was in love with her. there's nothing I wouldn't do for her and for us. I'll put her up on a pedestal and do whatever it takes to make her happy and her life as enjoyable as possible.

So yes, communication is key.

[edit on 15-6-2007 by elevatedone]

Originally posted by elevatedone

Communication, there was little if any. I don't know why, I'd get up, go to work, come home, have dinner, usually just sit around or watch tv or something then go to bed. A lot of times, I'd sleep on the couch, I was being stubborn. My first wife wasn't very interested in sex. While I, we'll let's just say 2-3 times a day would be good.

No Serioulsy and I'm not being a pig or selfish, when I say 2-3 times, I don't mean just as pleasure for myself, I mean to give and receive and be there for her.

I'll admit that I could have tried harder with my first marriage, but the more I think about it, I honestly don't think I would have been happy.

I'm so glad that I had a chance to meet someone and fall in love again. I understand that this time, we must communicate to be happy and understand each other. I love her so much, even more than the first time I realized I was in love with her. there's nothing I wouldn't do for her and for us. I'll put her up on a pedestal and do whatever it takes to make her happy and her life as enjoyable as possible.

[edit on 15-6-2007 by elevatedone]

Haha! Well you know what? To each his own! If 2-3 times a day is what he wants, its what he gets! . Sex is important. There are a lot of people who dont realize that sex is so important!! Idealy once a day is good for me, more on the weekends (isnt that what weekends are for?).

Im so happy you found someone you love so much! Its comforting to know a divorce isnt the end of the world. I guess sometimes its better then you could imagine the second time around!

thanks nis...

yes, the second time around is awesome thus far... after 9 years we're still a couple of 30 something crazy kids.

We laugh, cry, talk, I mean everything together... it's great.

I'm looking forward to growing old with my Jen.


Getting back to sex, this part of my life has gotten much better as well, while still could be more frequent, I enjoy it a lot and you are absolutely right about the weekends...

speaking of which, we have plans for this Saturday, just lounging around the house, towards the late afternoon early evening, we're going to get dinner and I'll DJ some music, we'll make some drinks and hang out together, maybe play a game or two and settle in for a nice relaxing bath and enjoy the night...

Well, obviously me being 30 years old and never having been married, I probably am not the best one to chime in on this one, but I will anyway.

I personally think that, in general, young marriages are a mistake. Now, some of them do work, but from I have seen, they are few and far in between. The older generation seems to have made their marriages work,. I mean, it is common to see 60+ year old person who has been in marriage for 50 years. However, times were much different back then,I suppose.



[edit on 15-6-2007 by SpeakerofTruth]

By all means, get married young and get it out of the way.

Originally posted by yeahright
By all means, get married young and get it out of the way.

Wise words.........

In a short time you begin to loath and detest your partner and everything they do irritates you.

Let the cheating begin.............

I wouldn't go THAT far...probably.

Actually, we'll be celebrating our 18th anniversary on Monday. Unless she kills me over the weekend.

The only thing saving me is she wouldn't want to be left alone with our two teenagers.

So here is a question I have for you....of those of you who are married. what would you say is the #1 thing that keeps your marriage going?

and if your not married: what is the most important quality in a mate for you?

OK I have never been married so I hope you will forgive me for contributing to this interesting topic. I once read the expression that it is better to marry the right person at the wrong time rather then marrying the wrong person at the right time. The key would seem to be communication in planning you don't necessary have to have kids as soon as you get married that's if the both of you want kids to start with .

Its best to get the likes of education , setting up are career and travel e.t.c out of the way before you have kids should you chose to go down that road.

Originally posted by xpert11
I once read the expression that it is better to marry the right person at the wrong time rather then marrying the wrong person at the right time. .

Very well said. Its like that quote was made for me :shk: LOL. My husband is in the military so we eloped in the courthouse before he left on duty...

wrong time, but right person.

When you first get together it is all about the Passion. The fire of love and chemicals burn hot and furious. This stage is Passion.

After a while the passion begins to wane and it is replaced by a more subtle type of affection, not that the comfort of knowingness is not stronger than ever, its just not the honeymoon stage. This stage is where you really begin to connect and where most relationships begin to have problems. This stage is Compassion.

If during the previous two stages there is mutual respect and true admiration for each other you can begin to reach peaks of love that are of such a personal level they have to be experienced to appreciate. There has to be a reason why some marriages are successful. It is at this point where you are more like two than one. This stage is Empathy.

My grandma told me that the passion will eventually change and one day it becomes friendship.If you can remain friends for life then you will have a solid relationship after the passion subsides. She also said that in most marriages financially speaking, "some days its chicken breast and some days its feathers."

A very good friend of mine had been married for many years and I asked her how they do it? She said that over the years the relationship took on different levels and different needs. Some times they were like brother and sister, and sometimes mothers or fathers. At other times they were just friends. There are times as the years go past where sexuality is not there, and then one day unexpectedly Wham! There it is again. They never questioned where they were they simply accepted all of the rolls that each one felt at a given stage. They are both successful therapists and artists. A gorgeous couple.