whats on girls minds?

Hey this question and thread goes out to all the girls at ATS. in my attempt to understand women better I would like to hear from women what are the roll models you as women look up to. they can be anybody from mom to hillary clinton. I just want to know what sort of woman inspires you girls. who impressed you when growing up.

who do you look to for female guidance in todays culture.

just trying to understand how women feel about social issues, thier roll models. etc. just want to hear from a womans perspective as to what inspires them.

also this thread can venture where ever you girls want to take it. if someone gets onto a good conversational topic go with it. Here I also don't mind if you vent a little about your daily exaperations and frustrations. with life, your friends, men etc... really I want to hear some real girl talk and see what they really feel about things. tell me whats on your mind. also if you have any questions aimed at the guys feel free to post them too.

I think if I asked women directly about what makes them tick I'll get a better answer than some mumbo jumbo musings of some guy. who knows women better than women. so please help bassplyr beome a better man by letting me know who the heros are with you ladies.

sorry if this post seems a little disorganized but hopefully you girls will understand what I'm trying to say. I'm a guy so I'm not the best at communication. I appologize for that ahead of time...and my awful spelling.

Unfortunately I grew up with role models like June Cleaver and Claire Huxstable.Thought I was supposed to be superwoman.Have the perfect house, the perfect kids, always fashionably dressed, and have perfect homemade dinner on the table every night while planning the PTA meetings. Damn I failed miserably. I tried for years to live up to what I thought a good mother and wife was suppose to be like. I was dying inside and I dare say almost completely lost myself. I stopped trying to be the perfect everything as per the role models of my youth suggested, and I started to be me.I don't care now that I buy take out food, I rarely wear makeup, I buy secondhand clothing and frequent consignment and thrift stores.I don't try to act like anyone famous because it's not me. I finally found out who I was by not looking up to anyone just looking inside and being what felt right to me.It has made all the difference in my life.Obviously this doesn't help you understand women better.But each person would have their own role models anyway. It is a pretty vague question to ask here.

i always thought it was the following

1. Shopping
2. Shoes
3. Pampering
4. what their other half is doing
5. clothes


the day we can understand women is the day that we will find the answers to all problems in the world

I really looked up and well i still do look up to my Aunt. why? well she was in an abusive relationship with her ex husband who was also a drug dealer. she had to deal with many threats to her child and her. my dad even got beat up because of this guy. anyway i respected her a lot for taking a stand and getting the hell out of it and taking her child with her. also she is very successful and had a job working for the city in a top position for about 30 something years she is going to be retiring soon. anyway i always wanted to be like her successful on my own and travel the world. i was so amazed when i was little that she had gone to japan. france.italy. argentina. i loved hearing her stories and seeing the pics (i still do) shes going to iceland and greenland and junk in about a week an i cant wait to hear about that! also she said when i graduate she'll take me wherever yay

i find her very educated and love talking to her about anything and my problems i don't find any celebrities worth my glory hahaha although i do think angelina jolie is pretty dope to be doing what she does helping out and really caring i know it's very cliche' but its awesome!



hahahah bodrul... not all women are like that. I cannot speak for all women in the world though.. i do like shopping for lotions and stuff like that i just "have to have it" when it comes to those things. other than that i really dont care about the latest chanel handbag or gucci shoes. dont get me wrong i dont like to look like a bum but i 'm not all about an image.
what gets to me is when i go downtown at night and see all these men and women in their night life costumes. i say costumes because i can feel that these people dont usually dress like this ' it's all an image they WANT people to look at them a certain way. i also get the feeling they are uncomfortable in those 5 inch heels. i just feel it . I used to be that way cared so much about how i looked to others i would endure the pain of the super tight dress with boobs poppin out and the agony of height enhancement shoes. beauty isn't pain i learned that ! im so over that image junk what is wrong with being yourself. i don't care if i go in public with out makeup or in my blah clothes it's just the store. im not even going to see half of these people again anyway. although i like to look cute if i know im going to see someone i dig of course there's that impression you want to make on someone. but dont try so hard guys can totally tell.
I can look just as cute in some flats and jeans and a cute shirt! haha

although yeah a celebrity style i DO like is Miss Eva Mendes! shes so damn pretty and i like her style its not slutty and brings out the best a female has. im not trying to be her clone at all i just think shes well great haha

unfortunately bassplyr there are way too many females who fall into the image category and are shallow and care more about how they look rather than how they feel. but this is just one females perspective let's hope we can get some more!

whats on girls minds?


it's obviously me, obviously.

I agree that too many women fall for the whole image thing only to find themselves unhappy later in life. I know some girls who are starting to realize that and are begineing to explore themselves more and find out who they truely are and what makes them happy. Living in LA I unfortunantly see that too often.

My birthday was last sat. I held a party down at this club in Hollywood. while down there walking the streets going to and fro from my car I watched as random girls were in line trying to get into all these various clubs. asking the promoter if they look hot enough to get accepted into whatever club they were trying to get into. The thought of women subjecting themselves to that sort of mentality really made me feel sad for them. I wonder how deeply they feel life.

furthermore I wonder why women even care what these guys think anyways. who cares if you didn't dress hot enough for them. real men see natural women as eye candy not fake trying too hard to impress girls.

I am always impressed by worldly girls like your aunt. she went all over and no guy can tell her whats up. she knows. she's been around. plus she's faced abuse and a terrifying man, and stood up for herself and for whats right. that is really cool to me. I think that you are smart and in tune if you look up to your aunt. Does she encourage you alot to follow your dreams? She sounds like she is a great support to the women in her lives.

My sister is really infulenced by my mom. my mom was sorta like your aunt. She stood up to a dangerouse and abusive man. fought hard for her kids. did the right thing and now is respected in her community. By biological dad was so cruel with what he said and how he treated her she was hurt emotionally really bad. luckely my mom was a strong woman and healed my sister. My sister is now just like my mom and is more than capable of taking care of herself. I'm really proud of her.

I guess I have a different view point of women than a lot of guys. Most of the women in my life are really put together. My boss is probably one of my biggest influences. Other than the fact that she is a woman I want to be just like her at least in a business sense. she grew up in compton, last of like 7 sisters. the only white girl in her school no dad. mom wasn't really around. she learned to take care of herself, got out of her bad situation and eventually from hard work, intellect, and many many endless days at work hustling she has become one of the most powerful women in the music recording industry. Thats friggen cool in my book. She a benchmark to me that i judge other women after.

Another girl that really impresses me is this girl I grew up with. she has a simple job, is sorta plain jane, but to me she is really really sexy. why? because she gave up everythign for the adventure of traveling around the world by herslef. she follwed her dream. now she is probably the wittiest, and smartest girl I know. she doesn't know that I look so highly upon her and that I judge other women by comparinging them to her, and I've never been honest with her because I wouldn't want to ruin our friendship. she's like a tomboy sometimes. goes fishing with me. I give her advice about guys etc...

I agree with you that some tv roles like June cleaver can be unimpowering to women. They seemed like they were locked into this small existance of being a good yes girl to whatever their husbands told them to do. be a good woman stay at home, don't cross your social roll etc... BS to me. I think humanity is stronger as a whole when both sides give and take equally. I wouldn't want my future wife if I ever meet her to feel liek she has to play this prefabricated social roll. I prefer a woman who can think for herself. If she wants to be astay at home mom and thats her dream than more power to her. but if she wants to be a buisness executive and make more money than me. sounds good too. just as long as your happy.

as for me. I find myself driving down streets looking at houses and daydreaming about all sorts of stuff. When I was younger i would look at those same houses and go wow i could throw a bitchen party in there. now I find my self daydreaming about my kids (I don't have any yet) palying on that house's nice green lawn. Sorta where my heart is taking me as I grow up.

So my question is. Alhtough I'm glad there are women who have a strong sense of Identity here at ATS. you girls being a good example. but is this a trend you see developing with the girls and women you know or see around you. as a whole how do you feel the women in todays society are doing. are you guys mostly proud of the accomplishments or are you discouraged by the antics of nicole riche and the likes.

What do you think could use a little changing or tweeking in todays society regarding everybody's views of women?

thanks by the way for taking the time to share your thoughts with me. They are greatly appreciated. Like I said. little conversations like this will help me to become a more fuller, wiser, more thoughtful and all areound better man.

also what do you think of men today in your communities. I can tell you from working in the record industry that most of the male executives I've met in my industry are in the words of my boss and I've got to agree with her. complete weenies. most if them men I see around me today don't have any integrity and are sorta cowards. You should hear half the crap I've seen them pull. how many times I've seen them pass the buck etc...

One guy was going to marry this woman. told her he was in love with her. engaged for a year. she owned a company that worked with his sometimes on various projects. he wanted to secure a project that she and her company had control of. so the second he did. one week before the marrainge he tells her. we're not getting married, I don't love you anymore. hows that right? what a scum bag. plus the guy refused to pay his own lawers over a seperate issue becuase he lost a lawsuit. the guy makes 15 million a year. sad.

Then there's my step dad. the opposite. gentle wouldn't hurt a soul, animals love him. but sorta a push over. but my step dad tought me compassion. something I was lacking as a kid growing up. and he rescued me and my mom and sister. I will be eternally grateful about that.

yeah I have seen that in the times I have been to LA. i guess its fun for those ladies or something? I dont dig the dress code thing and think it sucks to judged on appearances like that. i have been rejected at the door hahah for wearing jeans and stuff i just wanted to hear the music i wasnt there for fashion but oh well. i guess these bouncers and ladies feel good about it. the guyslike the power the girls wanna fit in. i guess it feels good to be accepted for your looks but feels damn bad when you aren't. all girls want to feel pretty im not going to lie but when u go around like that kinda fishing for it is pretty crummy.

real men see natural women as eye candy not fake trying too hard to impress girls.

i hope that is true it just doesnt seem that way to me . it seems like they are always going for the slutty women. but maybe just for action? cant turn a ho into a housewife haha

Does she encourage you alot to follow your dreams?

yeah for sure always! even though i have messed up in the past she still has faith in me and i like that!


yeah im big in following your dreams ..i mean why not! it's your own life and it should be about being happy man. i want to be a cool career chick but a good wife and mom too. i love cooking for people and would love to do a lot for my family theres nothing wrong with both. i know theres guys out there who appreciate that at least.

aww thats cool about your mom cool u have a good female to look upon.a nd your friend too thats cool!

but is this a trend you see developing with the girls and women you know or see around you. as a whole how do you feel the women in todays society are doing.

see what as a trend??? sorry i wasnt exactly sure what you were meaning there.

What do you think could use a little changing or tweeking in todays society regarding everybody's views of women?

i think everything is way too sexxed up lately. haha i mean theres nothing wrong with a hot chick but it seems like just a focus right now on howbig the boobs are and butt and junk..maybe its always been like that i dont know it just seems more out of control. dont get me wrong i like a sexy man but my views on wahts sexy probaly differ from others. im really into someones mind i mean yeah it's cool when they are cute but when u get to know them more they become more and more attractive and sexier.

i had a friend who really pissed me off a while back he said he loves dumb girls and likes to date them because they are "so dumb they know not to get attached" what the hell? to each his own i guess but i dont like hearing this coming from a friend and being told to me he knows how i feel about brains haha

well the men in my community pretty much suck . i've just had experiences with the wrong ones i guess. why tell a chick you like her a lot and always have liked her and appreciate her mind and personality then days later turn around and shut her out? it makes the girl feel like complete crap. damn im getting angry.. this one guy also claimed to like me a lot and "never met a girl like you before" then what do i find out.. he had a girlfriend the whole time never once mentioning her to me. i had to find out by seeing them somewhere making out. i was reallllllly crushed by that. i just dont like how the guys will say one thing then do another. it makes me think all dudes can be like that i have a hard time now when some guy says i like you or something like that in the back of my head im like yeah right but then it's NOT fair to him just cuz some assholes you know? i was sick and tired of american guys hahaha but i guess it can be just the same anywhere. honestly guys do need to MAN UP sometimes if you don't like her then why say you do? its really jacked how some lead girls on. i know girls do the same i have seen it but im just personally not like that..damn i wrote wayyyyy too much. haha sorry but its how i feel about the situation!

TheBadge I have had a few shallow encounters in my youth and they were intensely unsatisfying. I said on another thread about the "prettiest woman in the world" that intellect and good looks are a hot combination.

Love is about a meeting of the minds and a sharing of values. When you meet that perfect match you find a perfect fusion at every level. Mental, spiritual and physical. If you don't find a match on every level then you need to move on.

My views of course are not typical, but then I am older. men and women grow in maturity with age.

I have heard it said that as women grow older they develop their masculine side and as men grow older we develop our feminine side. I agree with that, but there are always people who never mature aren't there ?

I have to publish this photo in jest at the topic:




Bravo accessdenied. I notice that a lot of women grow up feeling desperately that they have to please others and live up to other people's expectations.

I have a teenaged niece who is into fashion and looks. She is infuriatingly shallow. I blame my brother though. he is remote and distant. he is more in love with his computer, his surfing and his beer. I feel my niece is desperately anxious to get his attention and approval.

I think this need for male attention is what drives women to shop 'till they drop for fashion etc, just to get male attention. It's sad. Some men get expert at preying on that pitiful need.

Women are hard for men to understand because women are:
(1) Complex anyway
(2) Circumspect about the signals they give to men and this leads to false, or confusing signals

Yeah. I agree with Sy.Gunson a lot. You too Badge.

The Trend I was Talking about could go both ways I guess. But I was referring to what Sy. was talking about in his last thread about. This need for male approval and attention. Is it getting worse or do you see more of your fellow women moving more and more to indipendance from the previous social constraints that men put upon them. Ie. do you see most women around you becoming more independant and free thinking, or are they getting more and more into the appearance to make men happy thing. Hope that made sense to anybody reading this.

I feel that a lot of this behavior comes from the classical Abandonedment Issues. I think parents aren't around for their kids anymore. Either they are out working till late or just don't care. but either way I see so many both men and women growing up with all these abandonedment issues which manifest themselves as the symptoms of superficialness to fit in. overly self conciousness, and a general lack of self worth or identity. I see it in men a lot in other forms, but with women I see it manifesting it's self as the girl trying so hard to get into some nightclub trying to get as hot as possible.

So my question is this. Is all of our younger society developing deep abandondedment issues? And if so how do you feel about it.

I agree though that the more you know and learn about someone the more attractive they become. That one girl I grew up with is a good example. we became friends because she was sorta tomboyish and i wasn't physically attracted to her. there was conflict of emotion for me. we were just friends. Now as the years go on. I have become totally hot for her because of what she thinks, what comes out of her mouth, her wittyness, and her intellect. She is the benchmark I compare other women to now at least in those catagories. If they aren't on her level mentally I'm not that attracted.
She doesn't know I like her like this, although if she looked hard enough she would see it. amybe her friends see it and have clued her in, but either way we pretend that I don't feel that way. strangely I don't have any urge to date her either. kinda don't want to blow a good friendship.

Smart girls are hot to me. what can I say.

Anyways back to the topic. I was dating this girl for a month or so. we talked for hours on the phone everynight. had lots in common. blah blah. I'm all jazzed cuase I think I've found a good girl. Fianlly. Go to the mall to buy something at best buy one day. she's walking around holding some guys hand. It was clear from how they treated each other that they were boyfriend and girlfriend and had been for a while. So I asked her about it the next time we talked. It was her boyfriend. I asked are you not happy with him and looking to move on? is that why we were dating for a while, because if thats what you want to do, then lets keep developing, or at least figure out what your feelings and intentions were with this other guy. She said she had no intention to leave him. man was I crushed by that. that really hurt. I felt less than the other guy. whats more is I couldn't hate him because he didn't seem like a dick to her. so i got all confused. went on to continue being alone for some time. took me a while to learn that some people I can trust, and that not everybody is like her. Like to give life the benefit of the doubt. tried not blame myself, but man I felt like a looser. especially since I was walking back to my car when I saw her, and I had just like a typical nerd bought a video game to alieve my then non existant life. SO I just chalk it up to her just wanting attention. but man it hurt when I fugured out what was happening. I felt used. worse I felt special when she was with me, and when that all came crashing down it hurt really bad.

hahaha at the cartoon!

This need for male approval and attention. Is it getting worse or do you see more of your fellow women moving more and more to indipendance from the previous social constraints that men put upon them. Ie. do you see most women around you becoming more independant and free thinking, or are they getting more and more into the appearance to make men happy thing. Hope that made sense to anybody reading this.

hmmm i really don't know. i see that a lot of my girlfriends are growing out of it which is good and are starting to be more focused on their own lives rather than what some guy thinks of them. and thats cool with me. but i see girls who i dont call my friends more like aquantances that are all about guys guys guys and dont think for themselves yet im hoping they get out of that zone but who knows. i hate to see myself and others crying over a guy but sometimes it just happens i guess a lot of this what did I do wrong. usually it's not really like that it's just the guy is an assh0le plain and simple. anyway in general i think maybe this approval is possibly going down?? a lot of ladies are career women but they are older and wiser but with the ladies in high school right now and early 20s it seems like they just want money and the dude with the car and dont even think about doing it for themselves or something

honestly it goes both ways but i see it being a little bad for the younger ladies rather than the women in their 30s and stuff.



parents buy their kids love sometimes i guess i dont know it seems that way a lot but then there's the ones who are truly there for their children..

the priorities of a lot of people aren't that great. itslike party..have sex..party etc i mean theres nothing wrong with it but when you make it your life and dont even work or have plans for yourself whats that all about? your pretty face and hot body wont last forever but your knowledge and education does you know?


sorry to hear about that chick who played you that sucks i know how it feels and i dont know why people do this to others. I HATE game playing and messing with emotions but maybe they get some sort of satisfaction at the expense of other peoples feelings. i couldn't even think of doing that to someone especially having it happen to myself . i dont care for revenge on all guys because a couple asses but i do hope those guys and girls get what they deserve in the future..hey karmas a b!tch! i just try to keep it real

yeah well people have to work work work these days and leaves little measurements of "time" to spend with your kids. but u can make you're own measurements i think . im not a parent yet so honestly i dontknow what to say on that.

What's on my mind...well, I'm kind of ticked because the kids didn't do anything to help out around the house while I was at work today! The laundry is piling up, and I need to go and rotate it again so my kids can have all that clean laundry back in the laundry room so I can wash it again tomorrow. What's for dinner, yeah I could go without it, but everyone else will complain if I don't feed them, so I guess I better take something out to cook? Did I remember to water the garden...nope! I better go put the sprinkler on.
Who the heck put those muddy shoes by the front door? And why in the hell is my bathroom towel on the floor when I hung it up this morning!!! How is it possible that the kitchen sink is full of dirty dishes, when I made sure to start the dishwasher before I left for work this morning...that's right...the kids again. Damn!

Why wasn't the cat poo cleaned out of the cat box? I left specific orders for the cat box to be cleaned today!! Not tomorrow, but today! I didn't want those darned cat's anyhow...know what I mean? Why won't my phone stop rining? Am I not entitled to a little rest, and why do my neighbors keep knocking on my door? No, I don't care if they had baby kitty's born at their house today! That's just a fraction of what's on my mind...not to mention the hotter things that are on my mind

If you truly and honestly want to know the answer to that question, you might consider researching NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming) or perhaps taking some Speed Seduction courses.

Not only will you learn what's on womens minds but you will also learn how every human works linguistically and internally(emotions/beliefs/values/eye access cues etc) ...

very amazing stuff.. you also might want to check out Richard Bandler

once I get more of my websites done you should check them out, I'll have tonnes of very helpful information for everyone!

[edit on 6/8/2007 by PuRe EnErGy]

thanks for the advice. I'm already pretty familiar with NLP. I've read david D'Angelos stuff too. Although, I can seduce a girl into liking me just fine. I'm not good looking. Imagine a short Jack black with a bit of a better body and almost as funny. But ladies like me anyways...the word charisma comes to mind. OK so I may be a little cute or handsome but I'm no stunner. Dey like me for my mind. I like dem for their mind. so I want to here whats on their mind.

I don't want to know how to manipulate a womans subconcious mind. I just want to know what life is like from their perspective. How do they feel about this or that. What's their impression of other women around them. etc...etc...

Jen,

Thanks for letting me know whats on your mind. I can respect a busy mom. Mother hood ain't easy. If it were men would be able to do it.

Anyways, I think you deserve a day off once a month. Dad takes over or a trusted friend to babysit so that you truely don't have to worry. Go out and make it your day to enjoy for once.

Also, I say you should get a place in the house. Moms retreat. Dads get one so why not mom. Maybe like a nice quite patio with some plants, a parasol, a lawn chair and a sign saying no kids allowed moms only. And inforce that rule too. Kids need to learn to respect mom. From there you could get some peace and quite and maybe have a glass of wine while reading a good mystery novel or something.

Maybe set aside a time where dad takes the kids out and you get to spend the day in the tub with a glass of red wine and your favorite book and maybe have one of the kids roll the TV in there before hand so that you can watch all your favorite programs in the tub relaxing. get them bath salt going to so that it's really relaxing.

OK so you're thinking to yourself where on earth will I find time to do all that, but I say we're at least allowed to dream right.

Moms don't have it easy.

Originally posted by BASSPLYR
Jen,

Anyways, I think you deserve a day off once a month. Dad takes over or a trusted friend to babysit so that you truely don't have to worry. Go out and make it your day to enjoy for once.

Oh such lovely words you speak to me Guess what?? My kids are grown up They are lazy I tell ya....LAZY....the baby is 17!! I need a housekeeper, not a babysitter. Oh well, I wasn't ranting, just telling you what was going through my mind at the time, as the topic of the thread asked

glad to hear whats on your mind. I still say that you should do the moms day off thing. More often now that I know that they are older.

a reply to: BASSPLYR

Nice thread. It made me sad there was no flag.

a reply to: BASSPLYR

I would hope that what is, in general, on a woman's mind is the same as what is on a man's.

a reply to: Jonjonj

LOL you mean sex

originally posted by: Quantum12
a reply to: Jonjonj

LOL you mean sex

An extremely attractive image of a woman there, no doubt.

On Topic: Do you only think about sex? I know I don't. I think about other things which I imagine others of the opposite gender think about too. War, health, food, politics, art, religion, justice, honesty amongst friends...I don't know, you made me think!