an ancient contact between pagan and jew..

Time for a funny. This ancient document was recently excavated from Rome.

Okay, so the year is 312 A.D. The Roman Empire has already conquered Caledonia, renaming it to Britain, and Israel, renaming it to Palestine.

An exiled Caledonian Pagan and an exiled Israelite cross paths in Rome one day, stop, and look at each other funny. They both happen to know basic street latin and strike up a conversation of sorts. It went like this.

Pagan: Hey there, hows it going?

Jew: I'm pretty bummed.

Pagan: You look bummed, dressed in black on a hot today such as today. Why are you bummed?

Jew: Well, these damn Romans took my homeland and burnt down my cities and holy sites.

Pagan: Really? That's terrible man. Where did you live?

Jew: Jerusalem in Israel. In my land, it is the the Holiest of all places.

Pagan: Wow, cool. *mutters something about the mother goddess being on the rag today to have paired up with this depressing ass guy in black*

Jew: Um.. what? Shema Yisrael? Are you a Jew too?
Pagan: No, I am a Pagan.

Jew: Really, where did you live, and are the people there all your color hair and eye?

Pagan: For the most part yes. I am from Caledonia, and Island in the sea. In my land, it is the Holiest of all places.
Jew: So what are you doing here then?

Pagan: Those damn Romans conquered our Island and destroyed our holy sites. Thank mother goddess they didn't find Stone Henge. *grins*

Jew: *perplexed* So, I guess thats what Rome does then huh, conquer the holiest places, and destroy them?

Pagan: Are you crazy?! This place is WAY better than that old sh#thole. Theres heated water baths, theres concrete shelters, and the drink runs wild with no restraint. So do the women. I love this place! ... hey, do you want to come with me over to the Aquarius Temple? I bet theres some hotties just waiting to have an orgy man, lets do it!

Jew: *looks down at the ground, looks back up, perplexed still* Uhh... um.. no thanks, I'd like to but I cannot, I must return to my dwelling at once because today is my son's 8th day on this Earth and that means it is time for me to cut the skin from his penis with this here ritual knife. See how sharp it is? *pulls out and shows the knife to Pagan*

Pagan: Whoa dude. You're into some way freakier stuff than me! I will have no part in fondling little boys! Only grown men, do you hear me!? The disgust! *Pagan storms off angrily in the direction of the Aquarius Temple*

Jew: *looks perplexed again, adjusts his black garb, and after a moment of reflection to try to just maybe understand what vile evil had taken over this man he had just spoken with, and proceeded home to circumsize his son*

(...just ONE night.. in old Rome city, just ONE night.. in old Rome city..)



[edit on 5/23/2007 by runetang]

And then the Pagan went home and had sex with a sheep...

hehe, home is quite a walk. unless home was in rome.

lets face it, the celtic gaulic pagan from Caledonia would be enjoying himself quite a bit more than the jewish man would be in Rome.

but i find the parallel funny.

both cultures had their tribal religous homelands conquered, occupied, renamed, etc. almost the exact same story, if only the brits were monotheists at the time.

but that to have happened, the sons of Japheth would've had to have kept teh Noahide laws in practice well into their multiple generations who migrated many lands. or something like that.