Pay Up, Deadbeat!

My ex is nearly $20K in arrears on support. He's supposed to pay the first week of the month and he's always at least two weeks late, if not more. This is a tight month for me and he's yet to pay anything.

Non-payment of court ordered support is economic abuse. Non-payment of child support is child abuse.

Why does he get away with paying a fraction of what he's ordered to every month, but I have to let him take the kids? There is no incentive for him to pay if he gets his visitation regularly. I do it, but I resent it. When he has our daughter, she's being mentally abused, and both the kids get ice cream for dinner daily.

I understand that it's important for the kids to have contact with their dad, but does it have to be daily? The man steals the new clothes right off their bodies and sends them home in rags too small rather than buy them new clothes. And he expects me to provide for all their needs at his house out of the little bit he does grudgingly pay each month.

What is up with that?

Yes, he can afford to pay what he's been ordered to pay. He makes over $100K a year all cash under the table. He takes his girlfriend to New York for a week. He buys himself a motorcycle. He flies a friend in from Europe and supports HIM for a month, but won't pay for his kids.

Stupid deadbeat jerk.

very similar to how my father treated me and my mother after they divorced

i know, first hand, from the childs point of view, what you are going through and im very sorry

you hear it all the time but you have to be strong.. my mother was strong, i wish i could show you where we went and what we went through in just 8 short years. i think it would be a great story to tell

hopefully your kids will have a story they'll want to tell about their mother one day too and how their father was a good for nothing peace of junk that never did a damn thing in regards to the welfare of his children

im sorry i kind of ranted there myself


anyways, i hope everything balances out for you.. your kids will realise, if they havnt already, who their real parent is

bless your heart!
and all the other single mothers out there bringing up kids! bless all of your hearts you amaze me

You are such a sweet guy! You're gonna make some lady very happy someday when you're ready to settle down.

I don't understand what it is with some men. He acts like I"m going to live high on the hog on the money. We need a new car, my daughter's bank account has been depleted to pay for school that he owes half on. Sigh. I better stop or I'll rant even more and I'm actually in a decent mood today -- don't want to think about him!

Originally posted by MajorMalfunction
You are such a sweet guy! You're gonna make some lady very happy someday when you're ready to settle down.

aww thank you ive been thinking the same thing for a very long time now...

but anyways, yea just try and not to think about it.. sometimes thats all you can really do..... not how it should be but thats how it is and its F'ed up!

MM.....sounds like your ex needs a stint in jail to wake him up.
I hope your not using a state agency to try and enforce this child support order. There are many admirable case workers but the case loads are so heavy that they just can't put as much time and attention to individual cases like a private attorney can.

Through my job, I pursue men and women who willfully don't pay child support. Sometimes, if he/she is in extreme arrears such your ex, a judge can order that their "luxury" items be sold to pay it off in full. Boats, bikes, ATV's, stuff like that.....

Might be an option you may want to explore along with sending him to the clink.

[edit on 5/23/07 by sdp333]

Girlfriend, my daughter's father didn't pay child support either for years which if you were to ask him was my fault. Trust me everything was my fault just ask him. Anyway, after his health went in the toilet he decided that he needed to make contact with her and he is now helping pay for college. So long story short; I'll never get back support from him but she is getting college and that's good enough for me.

She might even develop a decent relationship with him at least for her sake I hope so.

Hang in there sometimes it really does get better and your ex may even grow up and become a man instead of a male of the species. Some day he may learn that any one can be a sperm donor; it takes a man to be a Dad.

Unfortunately mine is a batterer. He never hit me, but emotional battery is just as bad if not more so. Sometimes I wish he HAD hit me -- this would be an entirely different story. I would have got at least one of the restraining orders I applied for.

Men like him have to want to change. They don't because they don't think that they are doing anything wrong. They think THEY are the victim, because they take the attempts of people to stand up to them as an attack on them. It's insane, but I have learned a lot about this particular kind of man from reading after I left the marriage, and I don't think there's any hope for him. He will never in his life take responsibility for what he's done and that's the only way to begin to grow up.

But hey, we have court coming up at the beginning of June, where he's trying to get his support reduced and I have him cold with a forensic document examiner's report. So he may end up owing even MORE. And I've asked the state agency (yes I'm handled by them because my kids get state insurance so we have to go through DCSS) to start contempt proceedings. It might take a while, but I think he's going to end up very unhappy.

Doesn't help my kids eat THIS month, but I can always get help from the County Food Bank if it gets real bad.

My ex didn't change until his own mortality was looking at him. He was and is an emotional batterer but I just don't care what he says or thinks anymore so he has no power over me.

I hope your ex gets every thing he has coming to him and your kids know who the real parent is and they see him for who and what he is. Deadbeat parents make me ill.:bash:

My Dad was much the same when my parents divorced, this was a long time ago though, i was 7 at the time and my Grandparents took over raising me and my sister while Mum went back to school and got a teaching degree. Back then the courts hardly ever enforced child support.

He did remarry and have another wife to support and 2 kids from her previous marriage, she was not being paid child support either so i guess that was a form of payback, even though it affected us as well.

Mum would occasionally let it get her down but she eventually got her degree and then just got on with her life and looking after us.
She is now much better off financially than my Father, and has been happy being single for the past 35 years, except for one minor hiccup that lasted about 6 months, but we wont go there.

Ive seen how tough it can be raising kids on your own, but i never held it against my Mum that we didnt have the same things that other kids had, we knew how hard she was trying, for us.
I can see your doing the same for your kids MM, it'll make you and your kids stronger in the end, and they'll know who to thank for it.

bol mojo.

Originally posted by mojo4sale
Ive seen how tough it can be raising kids on your own, but i never held it against my Mum that we didnt have the same things that other kids had, we knew how hard she was trying, for us.
I can see your doing the same for your kids MM, it'll make you and your kids stronger in the end, and they'll know who to thank for it.

just wanted to say, right on mojo!

That's horrible that it's all going down in that manner. Keep records, give them to your lawyer, and when he gets to court, he will be in for a huge surprise.

Men never seem to realize how much it costs to raise and care for kids. I've heard this story to many times to count.

I'm not sure about this, but can't you file charges against him due to his back payments? I think I read that somewhere. I would definitely do it. He needs a wake up call.

Just gotta get this off my chest and go on with my day:



Less than a week to go before the month is over and he has yet to even get a check to the disbursement unit of the department of child support services. Once they get a payment it takes up to three days to get on my cash pay Visa card. Looks like he's not going to pay us this month at all, thinking when he gets to court next month it'll all be forgiven.

I was doing so well these last few days, but now it's getting depressing again.

Calgon, take me away.

I don't really have any way of putting myself in your shoes. My parents are still together. I just want you to know that my thoughts go out to you. I just don't get it. My son (He's 4) is my universe. I can't even imagine putting myself before him, or my wife for that matter. Yep, I willingly come last in the pecking order - by choice. That's the way I was raised. A real man put's his family first.

MM, I've told you before that I think you're aces. Keep your chin up.

Thanks, Lombozo. I can't for the life of me figure out why I could never meet decent guys like you. Only jerks my my ex. It's enough to put any woman off relationships for life.

Oh, wait, it already has. :shk:

Originally posted by MajorMalfunction
Thanks, Lombozo. I can't for the life of me figure out why I could never meet decent guys like you. Only jerks my my ex. It's enough to put any woman off relationships for life.

Oh, wait, it already has. :shk:

Trust me, I have my faults - ALOT of them! It amazes me that my wife hasn't left my butt by now. I've been known to embarrass her to the point of no return. Like once on an airplane, I went into the restroom, stayed in there for a couple of minutes and made really loud grunts like I was straining to do a number 2. When I walked out, everyone was looking at me. If she had a parachute I think she would have used it she was so embarrassed. Another one was at her friends wedding. My wife was the maid of honor. When the priest said "If anyone here has a reason why these 2 should not be wed...." I raised my hand and stood up, then said "Ahhh, nevermind...." and sat back down. I thought she was going to kill me for that one.
Like I said, I aint no bed of roses.

I can live with foibles like those. I cannot live with a man who would abandon his pregnant wife and 3 year old daughter in gang country night after night to stay over at his girlfriend's house, while we were home guarding his illegal medicinal garden with no alarm or way to protect ourselves, and no vehicle in case one of us needed to go to the hospital. I can't live with a guy who wouldn't know the truth if it kicked him in the nuts. I can't live with a guy who makes over $100K a year and gets mad because I refuse to turn over my Social Security check to him because I need it to buy clothes and stuff for the kids because he won't give me any money.

I can't stomach a man who will tell his four year old daughter that her mother is dying and soon she'll be with him all the time.

There's a real big difference between a guy who does silly stuff sometimes (read: stupid LOL) and true maliciousness.

I'd take a guy like you any day, over another loser like him. Embarrassing moments and all.

Because they are kids not toys

He's not renting them, you can't get a refund, or forclose on the lack of payment for the oldest. They are his kids.

Then he needs to treat them like his kids, pay for their upkeep, not upset his daughter's private school so bad that they withdraw from next year's contract with me and take back the financial aid award, stop trying to destroy her relationship with me, and stop making her work for him in his illegal garden.

They aren't kids to him, they are possessions and things to use to continue to try to control me.

Just because he donated their sperm does NOT make him a father. A real father doesn't put his kids in the middle. A real father pays for his kids.

He's a deadbeat who only cares about these children in the context that they can be used to continue to control me. If he loved them and was truly their father he would do right by them.