Okay, let's get one thing right out of the way...I'm an idiot. Every PC manufacturer and Computer salesmen in America knows it, now you do.
As I attempt to write this while dodging telephony errors and shifting the brunt of the molten emissions from my melting laptop from one knee to the
other, I am reminded exactly how much I paid for the artifact on my lap to which so many extreme life savings measures I devote. How much? Too
Trying to think back...when WAS the last time I got a good deal on a computer? Oh that's right... NEVER.
Circa 1980: My Apple IIe - Gee, wasn't I smart. I waited until they had a sale and came down to $3,500. Keep in mind this thing had no hard drive
(what's a hard drive?) and basically made my Atari look like back engineered Alien technology. If you didn't save to disk every 5 minutes, it
wasn't the Fiends of Zork you had to worry about...it was the thunder storms.
Skipping ahead to 1998 (We don't discuss the Hewlett Pacard fiasco, or Mac I just had to have after college)... On to my $3,000 Gateway Destination.
What a deal! A huge, honking big screen TV anchored to a 133 Mghz "race horse". Could this thing be more of a dinosaur? Well, it couldn't be any
bigger, heavier, more in the way or awkward....what about slower? Nope..it's official. Worst computer deal ever, or is it? (I prefer to think of it
as a $3,000 door stop).
Next: Y2K is coming! And small is in! I need a laptop or my Destination will come to life at midnight on New Years and go on a killing spree. Hmmm,
(scanning Gateway website) these look okay, but I have an "in"... Let's call my "friend" at Gateway and get hooked up! The super special secret
650 mghz you say? Only 11 pounds!!! $5,000!!!! What a deal! To think that huge wide screen Gateway was $3,000...it totally makes sense a 15 inch LCD
screen should be nearly twice as much. Take AMEX?
That was December 30 1999. By January 3rd it couldn't support a single CD program sold.
Last year. Screw this Internet and 800 number stuff. I want to SEE my next computer first. Enter Staples. Awesome! You've got last year's Compaq's
in stock right now? $1500!!! Man, that's MUCH better than I'm used to paying!!!! I'll take it!
Get home. Cut the seal. Open the factory packaging. Turn it on. "Welcome Sean Walker" Who the hell is Sean Walker? ...and what are all these porn
Call Staples...I'm sorry Sir, we just sell them. You'll have to call Compaq. Call Compaq... I'm sorry Sir...we sell NEW computers, you'll have to
call Staples. Call Staples...sorry Sir, there's no Sean Walker employed here, Compaq sent us a used computer, call Compaq.
Whatever. Fine. I'm Sean Walker now. I just want a computer. Or do I? It's been 13 months now. This thing has taken more vacations than I have. Been
to Dallas twice for entirely new fan and thermal systems...the third time for entirely new guts, lost the hard drive and everything.
Warranty just expired and it's melting like a Dali painting. A Dali painting that thinks my name is Sean Walker. God, I'm an idiot.