posted on Apr, 30 2007 @ 01:31 AM
Hi Barb, just to let you know you have friends here.
When I first saw this thread it made me as angry as everyone else I guess, and then I began to read your story. You have a lot of strength to talk
about it here.
I began writing my sad story in detail here, but then decided that this space should be used not for me but for you and others like the little girl in
question so I will sum up my story briefly.
My father had an affair with my first girlfriend and ended up marrying her and having a child. They also divorced. It destroyed our family and messed
me up considerably for many, many years. I have not spoken to him since he anounced his intentions to be with her all those years ago.
I do not feel sympathy or hate for him now but only pity. Pity that his deluded ego stopped him from ever admitting to doing anything wrong. To this
day I believe he is unable to feel any responsibility for the pain and suffering he caused.
The years that followed were dificult to say the least and there were times I just wanted to pack it all in and end the pain. Many failed
relationships later I gave up trying to find the love, happiness and the sense of belonging I wished for from any outside source. I began a
relationship with me and a search for my inner self. They were also painful times, but now, I am 42, celibate (although that is just the way it is at
the moment) and living in France (I am English) with an old farmhouse and 3 cats. The clarity of my life is something I never imagined I would ever
I could tell so much more but I am here to say this:
It is not your mothers fault she yelled, she was angry and had to release her anger and energy at someone.
It is not your fathers fault he acted as he did and does, he was selfish, stupid and cannot face his guilt.
But most important, it is not your fault. You were the innocent victim of other peoples weaknesses, and for you to offer forgiveness will serve
no purpose other that to prolong a painful memory for you and reduce any responsibility your father must take for his actions.
It is impossible for people to change, only to grow.
You deserve the best shot at life that it can possibly give you from this moment on.
Paint to your hearts content.
Paint your walls orange and bring the sun to you.
No more brick walls eh :bnghd:
Above all, be patient and try to let things happen naturally.
See the good.
Shun the bad.
Please, feel free to U2U me anytime...you are never alone at ATS