(ATSSC) Project: SGSOS

PROJECT ---SGSOS

The sun rises over the eastern sky and shines ever so slightly into the confines of the White House.

It’s quarter to seven and the President, sitting at his desk in the Oval Office, is looking angrily at his bowl of cereal, the sounds of Fox & Friends echoes through the office as the prez catches up on the latest news…

“Marie!! (the president calls for his personal secretary), Marie!!!

The door opens and the secretary rushes in…

“Yes, Mr President?”

“Is this 2% milk?, You know I hate 2%, CAN THE PRESIDENT HAVE SOME WHOLE MILK for his Grape Nuts? Ewell Gibbons didn’t have to deal with this crap!!”

“But you know the First Lady said…”

“I Don’t give a rats backside what that woman says! Gimme my milk!”

“ Yes sir”

Marie turns, rolls her eyes, and exits, wondering why she puts up with this job…, she makes a call to the kitchen and takes care of the crisis. (how this guy runs the nation is beyond me), picking up the phone and hitting the intercom she tells the President..

“Mr. President, milk’s on the way (President smiles, an evil grin of a powerful man, “who’s da man”, “I am da man” he chuckles having won the battle with the First Lady), Oh and there’s a call for you on line 3, it’s Obama, sir, he says it’s urgent.”

The President, mouthful of grape nuts, mistakes, who is on the line, picks up the phone.

“How’s the weather?”

“Excuse me”

“Boy I tell you we got em fooled don’t we old buddy? Hope you bursitis ain’t acting up, having to spend all that time underground, hiding in caves and such.”

Senator Obama, startled by the statements,

“Mr President, I think you are confused, this is Barack”

“Iraq? When did you go to Iraq?”

“Barack! Ba-rack O-bama sir “

The line suddenly goes dead, the President, frustrated lashes out…

“Marie! Do I have to replace you, how many times are you gonna let these Osama prank calls get through?! “

“Sir, it was…… Oh, nevermind, here is your today’s schedule “(she hands it over)

The President glances it over and sees in bold 1300 – CABINET MEETING, (his hand starts to tremble, and immediately he tosses the paper in the trash.)

“Outta sight outta mind” he quips, Marie fetches the paper and says,

“Sir, you know that this is an important meeting, you HAVE to be there!”

(pouting)“I don’t like the VP, he is very scary, and he makes me behave.”

“Just keep your mouth shut and don’t shoot spitwads at him and you’ll be just fine sir.”

(chuckling), “I love the sound they make when they make contact with his shiny dome. Ha ha ha.”

“Save that for the White House picnic sir, this meeting is serious.”

“Oh well, I will try my best, OK, what’s next?”

“Here’s your binky, it’s naptime for the Chief.” (I need the break, Marie thinks as she puts the Pres. down for his morning nap, she’ll wake him before the meeting.)



The president fresh from a nap and lunch (PBJ + YooHoo), takes HIS seat at the head of the table as the members roll in, the Secretary of Defense, National Security Advisor, CIA director, the Attorney General, and then coming in last (the Grand Entrance), the Vice President, he surveys the room…..

“Where’s sec state?” (….silence, the Pres is removing the wrapper from a straw under the table, grinning ever so slightly.)

“Helllllooooooooo, am I talking to myself in here?” (already a bead of perspiration roll down the Veeps temple, and that vein, is pulsing….)

The AG chimes in.

“El vice presidente! Theee sec state eese at Supercuts, she eese takeeng vantage of theee $20 cut & style special, eese for a leeemited time only sir.”

“Ahh, well, what we have to discuss today doesn’t involve her,” (the Veep opens his briefcase and pulls out a few folders, and his specs, putting on his specs he says..)”Alright, let’s get down to business, for the past six years we have managed to conduct highly profitable missions, which will secure our futures, the Master plan put in place… (thwatttttt!….a yoohoo laced spitwad nails the Veep just above his specs in between his eyebrows..the president, covers the smile which stretches from ear to ear, and points in the direction of the NSA.)

Steam rises from the follicly challenged VP, he slams down the folder…

“I TOLD YOU NOT TO DO THAT AGAIN! Now come over HERE! (reluctantly, the Pres rises, head down, hands blocking the glare from the VP, he shuffles over…..)

“What did I do, (his mistake, was to look the VP in the face, a chocolate colored liquid slowly streamed down the Veep’s face.) “Haha (laughter erupts in the office, the rest of the cabinet, scrambles, searching for straws of their own.)

“That is it!, Marie!!!! Marie!!..” (The WH secretary hustles in)

“Yes, what can I do for you.”

“We have a code red, I repeat code red!!” (Marie hearing this races out of the office, dials the combination on her office safe, and retrieves the President’s favorite toy… The Hide and Go Seek Robot ! (you and I, and probably the rest of the world have seen this, though to the rest of us it goes by the name….Roomba!www.wii-volution.com..." target='_blank' class='tabOff'/>

Marie brings in the robot and hands it to the Veep, the President’s eyes light up and he begins to jump up and down chanting….

“Hide And Seek, Hide and Seek, that robot couldn’t find ME if I gave him a week!” (sick laughter, some from the Pres, the rest from the amused cabinet, Marie, turns, and leaves, shaking her head, thinking about taking some time off.) “Hawaii, is great this time of the year” (she says to herself as the office door closes.)

The Veep powers up the robot…

“OK sir, you go and hide and the robot will count to 100 and then find you.”

“That thing will never find me! It hasn’t yet!” (Exactly! thinks the Veep as the count starts, the President is soon thankfully, out of sight and out of mind.)

Picking up the folder again, the VP thumbs through the pages…

“Now let’s get back to business, as I was stating, we have succeeded in “wagging the dog” so to say, (that evil half grin, appears eerily)

The veep looks in the direction of the Defense secretary..

“How’s the Iraq deal going? Is the new plan in place?”

The Sec Def opens his (empty) folder, waits five seconds….

“Yes SIR, we have unleashed the new strategy and this should end all of the sectarian violence, and will provide more income to some of our contracting companies.”

The Sec Def closes his folder and breathes a sigh of relief.

“Well, what IS this strategy? (like pulling teeth these guys, the Veeps BP rising)

“Oh, sorry sir, we are building a wall. Three miles long and twelve feet high! We wanted to call it the Great Wall of Baghdad but that upset the Chinese, so we are just calling it, get this…… “The Baghdad Wall!”…Catchy isn’t it?”

“Whatever, next, (SecDef runs out of the office, relieved that he is finished, the VP nods at the AG) How are the hirings going?”

Stunned silence the AG shuffles his papers wishing he could disappear, he closes his eyes and holds his breath, his face turns red. The VP, almost entertained, waits until the AG’s face turns blue.

“SPEEDY!!! Answer the question!”

“Yes el vice presidente! You seeeee, I thought you say fire, so I put theee names een my sombrero and I peeked out eight, and I fire theeeem boss.”

“Oh, please tell me you didn’t, you are joking right?”

“I am sorry senor, I mean el Vice Presidente! You want meeee to hire theeem back?”

The VP, nerves frayed and blood boiling, opens his bottle of heart pills and takes two, and washes it down with the finest desalinized water that can be produced.


“Your punishment will be, (the VP ponders briefly), YES, you will go before Congress and explain what you have done….. yeah, that’s it.”

“But el Vice Presidente, they weeel eeet meee alive! Pleeeeese el VP don’t…”

“SILENCE! It is done, I have spoken” (defeated, the AG leaves the office thinking of a way to explain this to his wife, I may survive Congress but will I survive the wrath of Teresita?)

Three remain in the office, well four if you count the Pres,(hiding somewhere, the electronic sound of the roomba contiues it’s own search and destroy mission), the Veep, CIA director and the NSA. The veep pointing his finger at the NSA…

“Alright, down to “brass tacks”, what’s the status on the battle against ATS.”

NSA, looks skyward as if seeking heavenly guidance, finding none there proceeds..

“Well Sir, our media blitz code name MAMBA-RIPS has been somewhat successful in distracting the community but we have run out of bullets to fire, so to say.”

“MAMBA-RIPS? , explain this to me, I seem to have forgot this mission. Give me some details.”

“You remember, we launched this blitz last year in an attempt to completely disassociate the country, and at the same time ATS, to the reality of the global crisis, let me try and make this brief….(NSA rifles through some documents, finds the one he was looking for). OK this should bring you up to date without going into too much detail.”

“Let’s have it.” (Veep, unpatient as always, awaits the NSA’s explanation)

“Mel, Anna, Michael, Britney, Alec – MAMBA…Rosie (hearing this, the Pres rises from his hiding spot behind the sofa, a terrified look on his face.”

“She’s evil, and verrrrrrry scarrrrrrrrrry, I don’t like her!” (the veep hits the remote for the roomba, 3 audible beeps and a quick change of direction are enough to shut the Pres up as he slinks back to his hiding spot.)

The veep looks again in the NSA’s direction.

“Go on”

“Like I was saying, Rosie, Imus, Paris, Sanjay- RIPS….MAMBA-RIPS sir, it has worked very well, the problem is we now have to come up with some fresh distractions and we are running out of collaborators. As far as ATS, there are some there who have fallen for the plan but to a major extent we have not been able to diffuse the situation.”

The VP visibly disturbed, brainstorms..

“ How about infiltration? Have we tried this yet, Anybody?….”
The Director CIA, rises confidently, nods to the veep….

“I have great news sir, I didn’t want to announce this before I got some initial results but we have succeeded in getting one of our agents into the network. (reaching in his manbag, the Director pulls out a file with a Way Above Top Secret cover sheet, he hands it to the VP) What you are looking at sir is Project SGSOS, our most daring mission ever, (reaching in the bag again, he pulls out a computer CD and pops it into the presentation computer, and clicks play.)

It is an audio file interview conducted by the CIA implant, the three (or four), listen intently for nearly an hour. The interview finished, the Pres rises from another hiding spot…

“PLAY it again play it again!!! That guy is funny, F-bomb here F-bomb there everywhere an F-bomb..I like it and I think he likes me too!!! Play it again.” (3 audible beeps….then silence)

The VP stress lines forming on his brow, taps his pencil on the table, thinking, thinking, thinking….

“I hate to say this, but it looks like all is lost, and we were sooooo close, if it hadn’t a been those meddling 3 Amigos! It’s disaster pack time, call the others make sure they have theirs at the ready.”

NSA shocked

“Sir, are you sayin what I think you’re saying?”

“ I’m afraid so, it is critical kool-aid time, Jonestown style, they are definitely on to us, it is time. Get all of your people in place hand out the kits and give your last regards, I am sorry it has come to this. (An old chemically laced tear rolls down the veeps cheek and he calls for the secretary) Marie!”

Marie peeks in and gets the word, once again the dial is turned and the safe is opened, she reaches in and grabs the Presidential disaster kit, returning to the office she places it on the president’s desk.

The three gather up the rest of their items and silently, slowly leave the office looks of impending doom cover the faces. Marie closes up shop and the office is spooky quiet, except for the sound, of the Hide and seek robot buzzing across the carpet.

The president tired of the game comes out behind a curtain and sits at his desk. Alone and scared he puts his hands to his face and leans down over the desk.

The President picks his head up off the desk and sees something, he is excited, what he sees is a beautiful Waterford crystal case with the presidential logo etched perfectly across the top, a silver plated hammer is chained to the base, inside, the president’s weakness, suspended from case, a single sourdough pretzel, looking like it is hovering mysteriously, etched at the bottom these words….

“In Case of Emergency, Break Glass”

As the sun sets over the west wing, the President reaches for the hammer…….

Wicked funny JacKatMtn. roflmao.

nice one

Originally posted by mojo4sale

Wicked funny JacKatMtn. roflmao.
nice one

Thanks so much, I was hoping to lighten up the mood a little, you know how serious we can get here....

[edit on 2007/4/22 by JacKatMtn]

I have to tell you that make me laugh specially the role of the president and vice president.

Its probably no far from the truth.

Originally posted by marg6043
I have to tell you that make me laugh specially the role of the president and vice president.

Its probably no far from the truth.

It would be comical if this were true, lol, I was trying to write a full feature film but it got so time consuming I had to shorten it to sit com length, or is it an SNL sized skit? I don't know, but I glad you enjoyed the Pres and the Veep!!

ahhhh...a breath of humor......just what the contest needed!

Wonder just how close to truth this is? Let's hope very. very. very far..........

This is priceless! I never would have dreamt that the President, a Roomba and a pretzel would share the same story line.

Nice!