Fred the Mystic Fish would like to post his predictions for ATS in 2004:
Gazrok will come up missing for a few days near the end of January. Talk of a search party will ensue but not be followed through with because of his
return. He'll have this really stupid #-eating grin when he shows back up.
Dany will be filled with the spirit - what spirit we're never really sure of. This will result in him becoming an ordained minister of the Church of
the Rising Sun and holding the first annual pilgrimage to and revival at Devil's Mountain where all attendees will spend three days humming 5 note
songs and doing really weird sign language.
Tassadar will have recurring nightmares of killer BBQ grills through June until finally he becomes a vegan.
TheNeo will vanish for most of the year when he is initiated into the Michigan militia - he comes back around November with a new tattoo and a crazed
look in his eyes.
Gryffen and Sabotwulf will make medical history by being the first pair to virtually conceive a child in a chat room. Species yet unknown.
NC will be arrested for impersonating an Officer. A subsequent fine will be levied against him for impersonating a gentleman.
The women of ATS will start a union due to their feelings of exploitation in having to constantly be the ones who fetch Bob88's and TC's beers.
Their initial action will take place right in the middle of the 2004 ATS Convention in which they stage a sit in - on top of the beer coolers. Things
get ugly. It takes the rest of the year to get the terms worked out.
OIMD and ktpr^2 will have the mother of all debates near the end of the year on the long-standing unanswered question at ATS: Are fake boobs as good
as real boobs? It will result in the first ever ATS debate draw.
ktpr will invent mayonnaise in 2004.
DR will return under the username HAARPo.
William will be written up in Wired for inventing a whole new message board code with artificial intelligence. This code will be so advanced that it
will automatically turn a # into a #, copyright the new #, ban the #er who #ed up, send the #er a #ed up u2u AND email, record his #ing IP in a
permanent database and perform an exhaustive IP search on the entire internet for all instances of the #er...record the websites and put monitoring
devices in place in case the #er says some #ed up kind of thing about ATS - at which point...the now felonious NC will step in.
Simon will be knighted by the Queen of England for his contributions to the awareness of the World Wide Web. HOWEVER, there will be a nasty incident
between his Airedale and the Queen's corgie resulting in the Queen using the sword in a whole new way. Recovery will be slow.
Due to a bizarre universal resonance and planetary alignment in May, MaskedAvatar, OIMD and Valhall will become the three musketeers of ATS - the best
of buddies and will immediately convene for their first annual buddy love-fest on the beaches of Maui - running hand in hand on the beach and
basically basking in the love of the other two. This significant occurence will bring long awaited harmony, peace and comfort to nigh on millions
because shortly after this hell will start freezing over.
ILP will start a thread on what action figures the NWO like best.
Banshee will win the female wrestler of the year award - but the ceremony won't go off without a hitch. When the MC attempt to grope her during the
congratulatory hug, she imparts the spear of death and proceeds to stomp a mudhole in his ass with both feet.
Near the end of the year ATS will make history when the members bring the first class action suit in history against William for post points. It
appears that we're supposed to be getting 251 points for every post - but Williams been skimming a point every time. This legal battle will go on
for a decade...but does set a precedent.
Simon will okay the following two new items for the ATS store:
1. Access to a new Forum: STATS (So Totally Above Top Secret)
2. Entrance into the Witness Protection Program
Bob88 will be off the board for about 2 months when the Browns make it to the play-offs due to a hail mary in the last 2 seconds of the final season
game. Bob, along with the entire east coast, will miss this final play due to a power outtage started by Bob himself when his beer cooler drain plug
comes out, flooding his house and causing a transformer to blow. He'll be tied up in congressional investigations for a while.
Springer will be temporarily banned mid-year due to over use and abuse of the combination of large font, bold type and exclamation marks.
Valhall will finally break the long standing record formerly held by FreeMason for the most ass-chewings via u2u from the staff - sometime around
MC WILL get mad at NC at least one time during the year.
Nerdling will be made the official ATS anchor man - his signature closing remark will be "Remember, if you want your news broken - come here."
Kano will be revealed to be Simon, who will be revealed to be NC, who will be revealed to be William, who will be revealed to be MA...eventually,
we'll find out there's only one member here.
The Colonel will vote Republican in 2004. - this occurs right AFTER hell finishes freezing over.
[Edited on 30-12-2003 by Valhall]