what would you ask a future life partner? Why?

Hi I have been introduced to a woman who would like to get married to me, yea for real. We have been emailing each other for over a year and I have asked several questions and she has answered them, and to my astonishment I like her answers and I like the way she looks, so I was wondering what to ask next, not that I am running out of things to ask. I want to tell her the truth and communicate with her and try work our problems out, and so far we are doing ok. I live in the USA and she lives in Vietnam and that’s a difficult thing, but not impossible. As far as I can remember I have been attracted to and always like looking at women, especially Asians, and I think she is the woman of my dreams.

Many marriages these days are headed for divorce within a few hours or months and I always thought those people did something wrong and I want to try avoid problems. My parents got a divorce a few years ago and that totally sucked especially for my father who recently died from a heart attack / stroke which I think was helped along by the divorce and my mother said she has been planning the divorce for years and I think she is crazy because everyone lost she didn’t even get a large settlement and she is struggling now.

I was wondering what other people ask each other before they get married, and what should you know about each other.

So what would you ask someone you wanted to get married to or what would you ask someone who wants to marry you?
Why would you ask them your question?

OK so you wouldn’t get married ever and you think people who want to get married are crazy, lets hear your reasoning on the subject maybe you can talk me out of this dilemma.

I thought I could use some help and decided to ask everyone so let your voice be heard and let me have it.

I have no idea of what else you could ask her, but I would recommend trying to live together before you get married. Many times people change after they move in together, or at least they see a side of you that you couldn't see before!

Originally posted by secret titan
I have no idea of what else you could ask her, but I would recommend trying to live together before you get married. Many times people change after they move in together, or at least they see a side of you that you couldn't see before!

Good idea I wanted to meet her before we get married, maybe she would change her mind when she sees me watching the wwe divas
I wanted to know what you have asked or found out about that maybe changed your mind or made you think twice.

Comon surely someone has an experience about a question they should have asked, I don't mind how dumb it may sound or crazy lets hear it maybe it can help me, or someone else.

What are the questions you asked her about which made you consider her for marriage. I am curious here?

Also e-mailing is not necessarily a good gauge or yardstick for deciding to get married though there are many people out here who have in fact met, married, and then divorced.

Titian has a good point.

The most valuable lifelong commodity I have found that a woman brings to me is Peace...not Piece. Piece I can get all day and night long. Piece is not rare or valuable. Peace is much more valuable to a man who knows.

Most of the women I have met can bring a man Piece...but know nothing about Peace and stability for a man from their efforts. THey are what I call High Maintenance ...them and their children.

With High Maintenance women and children Peace goes out the window quickly with the time and labor requirements needed to maintain stability for them. Most women I have met do not see or care about this but it is important to me. I think most women have never met a man who can define this concept to them. To much WWE divas blocking the male thinking apparatus. These women just want the goodies to keep coming for themselves and the children...meaning the man is expendable and disposable in order to keep these goodies coming.

This is the source of alot of divorces.

As to Asian women...most Asian women tend to understand this concept much better than most Western women. With Asian women you get one of two types...very little in between. They are either very understanding or totally rubbish. Not much inbetween.
Alot of Western men who have been around Asian women will not go back to a Western woman. They can find Peace in their lives in a manner not possible with most Western women.

Thanks,
Orangetom

My number one suggestion would be meeting her first. Someone can quite easily present themselves as someone they aren't when it comes to the internet. Everything you say to her, and everything she says to you is most likely well thought out, and idealistic. It's one thing to type out the concept of the perfect relationship and love, but it's quite another to be in one anothers presence and feel that chemistry. Meeting each other is an absolute MUST before marriage.

To be honest you need to be carefuly. Women as you know can be full of it. Take time before getting married. What you need to do is stop talking to her by writing. Get a phone and talk to her over it. Start asking questions about her self. Make jokes women love to have a good time. You make them laugh, you making them have a good time. Ask her what she likes. Dont ask her how many people she been with, cuz it does'nt matter. If the materal is good now, why would it matter if the package got to you bad. All that matters now is she good for you now.

Ask her about her family. And dont jump into this situation thinking its going to last forever.

Originally posted by megaslayer

Good idea I wanted to meet her before we get married, maybe she would change her mind when she sees me watching the wwe divas

Nothing wrong with that!!

I would just ask her what her morals are. (being faithful and honest etc.)

Originally posted by orangetom1999

What are the questions you asked her about which made you consider her for marriage. I am curious here?

I am not sure exactly, but I have saved her emails. I will look at them and maybe I should post some of the questions here later.
I remember one question I asked her, I told her that I would like to have sex at least 4 times a week and her reply was 'we can sex anytime you want'

Originally posted by slymattb
What you need to do is stop talking to her by writing. Get a phone and talk to her over it. Start asking questions about her self. Make jokes women love to have a good time. You make them laugh, you making them have a good time. Ask her what she likes. Dont ask her how many people she been with, cuz it does'nt matter. If the materal is good now, why would it matter if the package got to you bad. All that matters now is she good for you now.

Ask her about her family. And dont jump into this situation thinking its going to last forever.

Thanks those are good ideas and I want to call her or have her call me on the phone.
We are both virgins and have not been with anyone else, I have tried dating services to no results.

Dude... You have to meet her. I'm not trying to be rude, but meet her first. There are all sorts of things that could go wrong here. Personally, I wouldn't consider meeting a future spouse online, but I respect anyone's choice to do that. It's not nice to think about, but this could be all sorts of bad things, and unless you meet her first in your country or hers, you're taking a huge risk.

I hope this works out well for you.

I agree you should meet her and spend time with her. RL chemistry is very important.

I love the idea that you're asking for questions to ask her, though! Very smart! I did the same thing with my husband (of 15 years and forever) on our first date! We have been asking questions ever since.

Here are a few ideas. I don't suggest you throw these on her all at once, but I think they're important things to find out before getting married. And some can only be discovered by spending time together:

Do you want children?
How many?
How do you feel about discipline?
Do you want to raise the kids in a certain faith?

Is marriage forever - Till death do us part?

How do you spend money?
Are you frugal or do you like to splurge and buy things?
Do you see us saving for our future?
How will the finances work? Joint? Separate?

Do you have your hair and nails done?
How many pairs of shoes do you have?
How much is reasonable to spend on a pair of shoes?
How important are clothes to you?

Do you cook? Or eat out?
Do you plan to work?
How clean do you like your house?
Plan to do it or have a housekeeper?

I asked these 3 on our first date:
Are you prejudiced?
Do you like animals? What kind?
Do you smoke? Mind if I do?

Do you like sports? Mind if I do?
How do you see us spending our time in the evenings?
Mind if I have a "guy's night out"? Once a week?
Will you have male friends?
How important is commitment to you?

How do you fight? Calm discussions and disagreements or name-calling and throwing things?
Can we make agreements? When we do fight, can we resolve issues and agree on how to avoid or lessen them in the future?

How do you feel about respect and love?
What are the foundations of a good marriage?

Will you still need me... will you still feed me... whan I'm 64?

I LOVE marriage! I have what I consider to be the best marriage in the world. I still ADORE my husband and he adores me. We're each others' best and closest friends. I can't speak highly enough for it. If it's right, it can be the most wonderful thing!

Good luck and let us know how it goes!

You know what, physical face to face personal impressions will mean a hell of a lot more than anything else.

After 17 yrs with my wife the best advice i can offer is, say yes even if you dont mean it and work out a way of getting your own way afterwards.

you need to get to know her in present before marrying her. Dont jump into this situation to quickly. For in the long wrong you might get hurt.

Great questions THANKS!

I am going to take your advice to meet her before we get married it sounds reasonable and I would learn much from doing that.

I just got a handwritten letter and a photo from her in the mail and she said that she wants to call me on the phone, so I am going to write a letter to her and send her a photo and probably a phonecard so she can call me without a huge bill.

I was introduced to her by her sister so its not as bad as if I met her thru a website, but I understand that emails are thoughtfully compiled information and not the best way of comunicating.

Honestly I didn't think that many people would reply or give me questions to ask so I am glad that I got up the courrage to ask for help from this community.

If anyone else has some more questions please go ahead and add them to this thread I think it will help others, because it has been helpful to me already.

This is what I am saying. Get to know her for months or a year befor marring her. You marry her now. You probley will get hurt. We all want to have someone by our side for a long time. But jump cuz you want something bad. will not get yo0u what you want.

I am not trying to burst your bubble......
But what are the chances she is only talking marriage
for citizenship reasons?
You really don't know this woman at all,
she may only be telling you what you want to hear!
Why do I hear in your posts that you will be the lucky one to get her...
seems to me you need to consider HER the lucky one
She will get a beautiful man, considerate, respectful.
and a citizenship to the USA!
Has money entered the picture yet?
Vietnam is a very poor country.............

I would personally tell her that if you marry
she won't be coming to the US right away....
you will come to Vietnam to live for at least a few years.....
before marriage enters the picture...
Let me know her response.

With only your feelings in mind!
Ex