Your Linguistic Demons

I"m not sure if anyone has noticed, but has a certain way of thinking ever stopped you from achieving your goals?

For instance, say your laundry facilities are down-stairs in a dark, gloomy, spider riddled basement.... anyone with a spider phobia would obviously not like that idea much, and might procrastinate doing the laundry for even a minute or two, usually they might procrastinate a lot longer.

Well, I've found that a lot of people in their day to day communications and interactions have linguistic demons that prevent them from performing at maximum potential... People stumble, ... people are nervous ... people rarely express themselves adequately or to their OWN satisfaction

So what I want to do..... I want to help you...
If there is a place where you feel you have some linguistic demons, I want to exercise the demons.. lol hahahahahahahaha....

Ask me questions, ....
Explain your problem...
and I will attempt to help you linguistically fine tune your mind-set....

I research the paranormal in my spare time, this and the various paranormal happenings has rendered me unable to leave my bedroom at night if I hear a weird noise or anything.
Oh and I'm scared of spiders lol

Originally posted by MAD Hatt3r
I research the paranormal in my spare time, this and the various paranormal happenings has rendered me unable to leave my bedroom at night if I hear a weird noise or anything.

Oh and I'm scared of spiders lol

hrm... well lets take the one you explained more about..

the paranormal happenings..

can you explain what it is, exactly that frightens you? .. what thoughts start the process?

I don't know if I have a linguistic demon or not, but perhaps you will have some input that may help me.

I have problems communicating with my ex. We recently broke up and I always seemed to say the wrong things when we were together. Now she still emails me and I still don't know what to say. I freeze up.

I make my living by talking to people. I am no genius at it, but I do well enough to pay the bills. People pay large sums of money to speak to me.

I would love to get my ex to consider the possibility that I have an opinion, a different side to the story other than what she sees. I don't know if this is possible though.

How do I communicate with someone who is hostile, makes me nervous, and is likely to only see the negative in everything I say?

I don't particularly know what you mean by linguistic demons. I get sort of scared of my basement, and I don't know why. I normally run up the stairs with an irrational fear that something is down there. Other people aren't scared of my basement, but likewise my friend also irrationally fears his basement (which I am not scared of.) So it seems like a weird thing, everyone is afraid of their own basement. I don't know, it just feels like there is a prescence, and my dad and sister said they saw orbs but I don't know if they were just bsing me or not.

Same thing with the bathroom. I normally check behind the shower curtains every time I go in. Just hitting them to make sure nothing is behind them.

For more personality-based or emotional 'demons', I would say shyness and apprehension about speaking up in public would be my main one. Also I don't like walking past people on the sidewalk or in hallways at work/school. I have to awkwardly look away, and sometimes it's to the point that my eyes actually start to water.

Due to the down-time of ATS, I'll have to get to answering some others later..

Ahhh, EX problems.. (wellwhatnow)

Well communication is the make or break factor of a relationship...

Sometimes we look a lot different than we sound verbally... for example you may walk by some young children and over-hear them talking about quantum theory, mean-while they have dirt smeared across their clothing and have bumps and scraps...
Much in the same way, we end up choosing mates / relationships that we ASSUME will work because they have the outward appearance of excellent communication...

I have no idea why you have split up, but I am guessing it was a communication error due to the fact you mentioned she views the negative in your interactions.

A perfect way to throw her off, if you want to ... is to use totally different vocabulary, express many ideas, don't just stick to your regular opinions or thoughts, start reading other stuff, or getting interested in things people would "never" see you interested in before... take a healthy interest in other cultures.
Remember that everything is communication, so if what you are doing isn't working... than change tactics... model someone you know she likes, re-pattern your thoughts and behaviours to be irresistible, if what you are saying doesn't make any sense to her, than you aren't speaking her language... you need to be auditory if she is auditory, or visual is she is, ... etc.. use the same language she does... match her breathing or her pulse when you're around her..

I was also wondering (wellwhatnow) what do you do for a living?

[edit on 3/25/2007 by PuRe EnErGy]

I find myself wondering what you mean by linguistic? Do you mean just words or are you referring to deeper emotional content? Do you think that metaphor has any meaning? Or is it just a technology? People are naturallly afraid of basements because it signifies what is below - and what is below is dead. How endlessly can we model what we wish to be and to believe before we become tired of modelling something we aren't?
Could there be such a thing as a universal model? How do we model modelling?

Originally posted by liquidself
I find myself wondering what you mean by linguistic? Do you mean just words or are you referring to deeper emotional content? Do you think that metaphor has any meaning? Or is it just a technology? People are naturallly afraid of basements because it signifies what is below - and what is below is dead. How endlessly can we model what we wish to be and to believe before we become tired of modelling something we aren't?
Could there be such a thing as a universal model? How do we model modelling?

Well first of all, .. deeper emotional content is comprised of "just words" ...

Ummm... Which metaphor.. ? .. yes metaphors have meaning..
naturally afraid of their basements because it represents what's below.. ??
I don't know where you're going with your question really.. technology?
Modelling something we aren't? .. that's what life is... children model their parents for the first few years.... and switch their modelling to others whom they admire...
How endlessly will we ignore the fact that we model and re-pattern our actions based off of others?

Now your idea of a universal model, or modelling, modelling...
A superb idea.. lol
thats the goal isn't it.. to be able to modify your behaviour to match the surroundings.. so you can achieve your highest potential...

I'm afraid of vomiting.

No, not just afraid. Terrified.

I don't know if I want to give up that fear though... regardless of it having negative effects on my social life... nnn...

Originally posted by xhorrorgasmx
I'm afraid of vomiting.

No, not just afraid. Terrified.

I don't know if I want to give up that fear though... regardless of it having negative effects on my social life... nnn...

what scares you so much about it? ..
where does the terror build ?.. how do you become terrified ?? Just thinking about it? ..

I have absolutely no idea why I'm so terrified. I mean, no one likes throwing up, it's generally gross, but most people don't have this kind of reaction to it.

If someone in my house has a stomach flu I'll lie in bed trying to sleep with my fingers in my ears to block out all sound just incase I might hear them throw up. I won't leave my room, I wash and sanitize my hands every few minutes, and won't sit in the livingroom or go to the kitchen until the person is better which, obviously, is a hassle.

If I see someone throw up or know someone near me is throwing up, I go into a panic. I curl up, I cry, sometimes I scream, I can't eat for days afterward... mind you I'll leave if possible before this little fit.

It's a pretty little phobia. Sometimes when I'm reacting to what's happening with the sick person I feel almost like I'm in a daze, like my body is letting me not quite feel what's happening to relieve the stress...

I guess it's hard to explain.

Originally posted by PuRe EnErGy

for example you may walk by some young children and over-hear them talking about quantum theory, mean-while they have dirt smeared across their clothing and have bumps and scraps...

Wha ???

Lex

I have no idea why you are calling this concept 'linguistic demons', but I do understand the idea you are talking about.

If, for example, I want to get some serious work done, whether it be schoolwork, workplace work, or domestic work, like cleaning, that I work best when nobody else is around, and everything is quiet. Even if there was dead silence in the house, but lying across from me, asleep on the couch, was my brother, I wouldn't be able to concentrate as well. I've always just thought of it as being that other people distract me, somehow, even if they are doing nothing, but maybe it has its root in these 'linguistic demons'. Who knows? I know what to do to get around it, and that's the most important thing.

Originally posted by PuRe EnErGy
Well communication is the make or break factor of a relationship...

I have no idea why you have split up, but I am guessing it was a communication error…

You could call it that. Her communication can be harsh, mine can be nonexistent.

Originally posted by PuRe EnErGy
…if what you are saying doesn't make any sense to her, than you aren't speaking her language...

That makes much sense. I have often thought that we do not speak the same language. Although I intend to make sure that I am never actually in her presence ever again, we will have to remain in communication through email for some time.

She emails me sounding depressed, I try to sympathize and provide encouragement. This usually makes her angry. The next time she emails me sounding depressed, I don’t respond because I remember her reaction from the last time and I want to avoid making her angry. This lack of response also makes her angry. The next time she emails, I try to encourage her again as to avoid her anger - and so the cycle goes.

Originally posted by PuRe EnErGy
I was also wondering (wellwhatnow) what do you do for a living?

In a way, I am in the communication business. I am a professional medium. As ironic as this is, I “channel” information. Much of the time when someone hires me, what they really need is a good pep talk. I cheer them up, motivate them, encourage them, provide spiritual counseling, etc.

wellwhatnow try this;

'we'll talk after you calm down. you're too hostile and there's no point in talking this way.'

then push the ignore button for a week or two and then call and ask her if she's cool.

worked for me few times. especially the ignore part. takes them less than 48 hours to call and say they're sorry.

Oh I have absolutely thought of that already ellroy. It is brilliant and I will use it in the future. Right now though, she has me over a barrel financially and so I must be careful lest she squeeze the very life from me.

She could make a single phone call and virtually destroy me. (see edit below)
Until I regain full control of my life, I need to be very careful.

As soon as I have those issues taken care of, I will certainly be all too glad to tell her to settle herself down before we communicate again...

...and if she won't settle down, I'll be glad to stop communicating with her all together.

edited to clarify something:
Someone sent a U2U asking why just hearing from her on the phone would destroy me - It wouldn't and I should have rephrased that.

What I should have said is that if I totally tick her off, she could have my utilities turned off, have me living on the street, she could shut down my bank account, she could even have me arrested. She could make a simple phone call to do any of these things. Dang, it's no wonder I worry about the way in which I communicate with her. Maybe this isn't so much of a linguistic demon, but a power issue instead.

[edit on 3/27/07 by wellwhatnow]

Well women are different than men when it comes to emotional needs and expectations..
If she emails you and she's depressed.. don't "go" there with her... acknowledge her bad situation, (even if it involves you) .. but stay away from it.. remain in an upbeat positive attitude... don't try to figure it out.. or try to "fix" the bad situation... acknowledge it and MOVE onto something else.. something positive you've read, or experienced.
Don't comment on the situation... Go STRAIGHT to the the physical sensation the problem is causing.. do NOT mention the problem.. just mention how unhealthy stress is... or pick up on how it really IS effecting her physically.. lack of sleep, trouble at work/school etc..
Instead of mentioning things that are outwardly evident and making the situation twice as sour.. mention things that people over-look and things that make people think...
Always move things up to brighter and more positive feelings.. Don't bring your cycle back to the #ty feelings, address them, dis-spell it, and than create a positive scenario to build and focus on..
Don't be overwhelming either.. stick with the subtle approach, where you Pace yourself and the conversation.. pace her outpouring if you speak on the telephone or a chat client.. stop her with questions.. that redirect/misdirect the conversation and questions that make her forcefully think of another possibly more serious scenario that downgrades her crappy attitude..

Originally posted by MAD Hatt3r
I research the paranormal in my spare time, this and the various paranormal happenings has rendered me unable to leave my bedroom at night if I hear a weird noise or anything.

Oh and I'm scared of spiders lol

So what is it specifically about the paranormal that has rendered you unable to leave your bedroom at night? ...
What about spiders has you so scared? .. their legs? their eyes? .. what exactly?

Originally posted by Yarcofin
I don't particularly know what you mean by linguistic demons. I get sort of scared of my basement, and I don't know why. I normally run up the stairs with an irrational fear that something is down there. Other people aren't scared of my basement, but likewise my friend also irrationally fears his basement (which I am not scared of.) So it seems like a weird thing, everyone is afraid of their own basement. I don't know, it just feels like there is a prescence, and my dad and sister said they saw orbs but I don't know if they were just bsing me or not.

Same thing with the bathroom. I normally check behind the shower curtains every time I go in. Just hitting them to make sure nothing is behind them.

For more personality-based or emotional 'demons', I would say shyness and apprehension about speaking up in public would be my main one. Also I don't like walking past people on the sidewalk or in hallways at work/school. I have to awkwardly look away, and sometimes it's to the point that my eyes actually start to water.

Okay ... well, ... first of all where do you think those fears come from? What stage, period, age in your life did you develop that fear?
Specifically the downstairs fear... although the shower curtain is similar..

Second .. how old are you now? ..

I also used to have the problem you describe , not liking to walk by people in hallways or sidewalks ... ... I am curious to know what you think of when you do go by people.. what you do physically, and what perhaps you think might cause the problem.. is it fear or disgust based? .. are you afraid of the people, or afraid of the cleanliness of the people?
Depending on your answers, your Public speaking problem should be no problem to help..

Originally posted by xhorrorgasmx
I have absolutely no idea why I'm so terrified. I mean, no one likes throwing up, it's generally gross, but most people don't have this kind of reaction to it.

If someone in my house has a stomach flu I'll lie in bed trying to sleep with my fingers in my ears to block out all sound just incase I might hear them throw up. I won't leave my room, I wash and sanitize my hands every few minutes, and won't sit in the livingroom or go to the kitchen until the person is better which, obviously, is a hassle.

If I see someone throw up or know someone near me is throwing up, I go into a panic. I curl up, I cry, sometimes I scream, I can't eat for days afterward... mind you I'll leave if possible before this little fit.

It's a pretty little phobia. Sometimes when I'm reacting to what's happening with the sick person I feel almost like I'm in a daze, like my body is letting me not quite feel what's happening to relieve the stress...

I guess it's hard to explain.

Well, .. vomiting is never really the most pleasant thing to think of.. you imagine someone feeling sick and you know it isn't pleasant for them... and the topsy turvy gurgling sounds of the stomach acids preparing themselves..

It reminds you of the typical "sick" stereotypes ...

nausea isn't a desired state, that's for sure.. but it isn't something to fear or really be disgusted with either... It's a natural happening ... as natural as your nose running or making a bowel movement...

The noise itself is most times enough to make people uncomfortable... which is understandable but it isn't that much to deal with...

I remember being in school... one student would throw up and it would be a train-reaction of children vomiting.. the only thing that annoyed me was the smell, so I had to learn to dissociate the various disgusting factors...
because I would start adding them up.. and getting more and more grossed out.. I would start thinking of the noise.. moving onto the smell, than the visual act of vomiting, or the after-math... and as soon as they all added up I was in a hyper panic state of nausea, which was highly unpleasant..
so I started, myself ... to look at the situation from a different view point..
like a bee on a wall... buzzing away, ... I began to quickly shift my attention to the other students who were falling, falling like dominoes down and down the vomit came splashing on the desks... and all of a sudden I was looking at myself from the bees perspective and it was my turn, .. the smell hit me.. the after-math was definitely present, the noise was cycling in my mind... but I just started laughing... I imagined in slow motion all the people going backwards singing the national anthem in reverse with the vomit returning to their mouths as the whole morning announcements rewound itself to the very beginning when everyone was fine.. than I played it back faster this time and changed the noises, giving it a comical cartoon musical backround with sound effects and the whole nine yards.. than I played the situation backwards again once I reached the climax... changing my perception of the smells and sounds I heard... making them something comical or less intense.. so the next time it happened I could view the situation from a dissociative state, where I could replace the thoughts and feelings of nausea and panic with something either pleasant/enjoyable or at least funny or perhaps irrationally hilarious....

You know you could always keep it in perspective too ... sure vomiting isn't fun.. but sometimes it's necessary .. take honey for instance.. that's vomit from bees.. its naturally sweet and delicious...
now of course humans don't vomit for a food source...
but some people take medication ( in the jungles) that purposely make them vomit, because it cleanses the body and some think, the soul...
When you look at it realistically, ... human vomit just consists of stomach acid and partly broken down food... which is really quite less disgusting than landfills ... or even a garbage bag.. at least it's all clean and really quite necessary in some cases..

A good thing for you to do, is to bring yourself back to a time when you were around someone vomiting and you had a reaction... now look at yourself in the scenario and look at your physicality before you began the episode, what was the first thing you noticed that created the problem? Slow down the whole situation so you have enough time to notice every detail.. but try to feel exactly which way the feeling of panic/nausea moves through your body... now right before you start to feel that way, move into your body and run the feeling in reverse... so if it moves from your stomach to your hands to your head, than move it from your head to your hand than to your stomach and picture it escaping from your body in the form of a steam or fibers.... It might help..