Someone among the powers-that-be decided that sending the creature off to the University of Georgia for identification would be too expensive (one wag suggested we should send it off to a "hockeyologist" for identification). So, I was told, a couple of 4-H'ers were ordered to heave the monster, along with the ice it had been kept in for preservation in a cooler, into the nearest solid waste container convenient to the courthouse. Best I can determine, it now lies buried several feet under the ground in a remotely located landfill in Telfair County.

Some have told me, "Good," for they feared that the folks at UGA would surely determine the creature was nothing more than a tightly compacted conglomeration of grease, toilet paper and paper towels. Such an announcement would be a great embarrassment to us all. We would surely be labeled "Ignorant Rednecks" for mistaking grease and paper for a once living, breathing, swimming, roaming, eating monster.

I see the discovery of Wormzilla as an opportunity. I envision an annual Hazlehurst Wormzilla Festival, bringing masses of people to our little town to gather in groups and peer down at the exact spot at which Wormzilla was discovered. Perhaps a historical marker would be appropriate. We'll sell Wormzilla T-shirts, Wormzilla hats and reprints of the Wormzilla photos (which I may just copyright). We'll hold a Wormzilla fun walk and 5K race, listen to Wormzilla storytellers, sponsor a Wormzilla cooking contest and stage a Wormzilla eating contest.