Thankyou for your kind and thoughtful words.
amaze me when people like yourself, who come out of an incredibly abusive enviroment, turn out to be such, well, nice people.
I was blessed. My Lord protected me.
Life was so hard for me though, don't get me wrong. There was nothing easy growing up with a mad man, a drunk, an Abusers. During times when I
thought I would just lose it, I would turn to God. I went to Him every single time. I would just prey and prey and prey, and I would read my
I thought the worse thoughts sometimes. I tell you i did. Like I said Life was not easy.
When I thought bad, I could feel the Holy Spirit that much closer to me.
I was 6 years old when I thought of running away from home for the first time. I told my dad that I was leaving home, and he beat me for saying
that. I learned then that we were not allow to say what we thought.
I don't think most 6 year olds think like this. I have 3 and not one of mine has ever said this stuff to me. They are ages: 16, 13, 11. We have
a very good relationship. They have no idea what whisky, smoke, and gambling is. They have no idea what a beaten is.
I don't think you come out of what I came out of unaffected. I will be harmed the rest of my days. I was robbed, by my dad. This I know. I don't
know how to say it. It's just when your abused as bad as we were, you will never be the person you could of been. I don’t think I’ll ever
forget, the things we went through. I learned a lot of what not to do though.
The first time I talked about my life in my 20's. WOW. I felt like the biggest tallest building just got thrown down. Also, though these were some
of my hardest years of my life. I'm out of the house and not coping so well with what I just came out of. From age 18 to 23 I just didn’t think
I was going to make it.
When I was at home, I was surviving. Just trying to get from day to day. I didn’t know why --I just did. When my dad tried to knock my teeth
down my throat as he would say. I would say to him, "God gave me these teeth. Their mine and your not going to knock them down my throat!" He
looked like he was scared of me when I say things like that to him.
When he would say, "he wants to blow my brains out, so I don't turn out like my sister and he will do it because he loved me" I just gave him the
most nasty look and say, " That's not love dad. No you got it all wrong. God say's thou shall not murder. God tells us how to love. I'm
telling you, you have it wrong." It wasn't easy with him that's for sure. I kept these brains somehow. He didn’t get to blow them out of me.
I kept my teeth too.
When I came out of it, I was trying to learn how to live. Live a real life. I think it was just as hard at first. I had no-one to show me. I
made so many wrong turns. Trail and error is what I call it. It’s easier if you have someone to tell you things. To give you advice. I
didn’t have that. ( I talk to my kids all the time. I help them as much as I can.) I had some friends. I just didn’t talk to them about
things. Not even my best friend from 7th grade to this very day she knows none of this. I never told her. I was to scared to tell anyone. My dad
said he would kill us. I believed him. As you can see today I’m not afraid to talk about anything. I actually prefer too. I know it helps.
I do have a Father though. No not my earthly dad. He don't know how to be a dad. My Father is the one who raised me. My Lord. He raised me. He
was all I had. All I needed to get through. He was My Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.
[edit on 19-4-2007 by Shar]